Why You Should Treat Your Friends Like You’re in a Relationship With Them

I recently sent the lovely girls in my life a little care package in the post to remind them how much I love and miss them during these hard times. And it occurred to me that this might be what people do exclusively with their significant other (SO). Therefore, this my encouragement to treat your friends like you do your SO, because they're just as important in your life.

People are very guilty of neglecting their friendships when they enter into a relationship and then relying on that same friendship when that same relationship ends. This just isn't fair, you need to nurture your friendships the exact same way you nurture your relationship.

Here's the deal, you can't treat all your friendships equally, you will most likely have your best friends and then your wider friendship group. And by the way, as someone who has lived without true friends, I understand how grateful I am to have such friends, and how lucky you are if you do too, which is all the more reason you should show them you love them like you would your SO.

Time

We prioritise time for our relationship every week and day and the same should be done for our friendships. When I lived in the same city as the girls (when I say girls I mean my two best friends) we saw each other at least once a week minimum. But it tended to be every other day because we're Uni students, so our schedule is more conducive to that.

Out of your seven evenings each week can you devote one to your friends?

This could be done through a zoom call, a movie night, a meal out, or in, etc. It doesn't have to be late and it doesn't have to be crazy. We need to ditch the idea that socialising with our friends is for special occasions or weekends, if you have no other obligations you can have a meal with your mates and still be home in bed by 9 pm.

If you're in a relationship it is important that there is communication and conversations about how much time you will give to your friends. It may help to both spend the same day of the week with your respective friends so ensure you still have quality time together.

For example, despite becoming friends with the girls after dating my current boyfriend, he knows if they need me, I will be there, the same way he needs me. Sometimes that means canceling plans with your boyfriend to see your friend after a breakup. But all relationships in your life are important and shouldn't be neglected in light of others.

Gifts

If you don't live near your friends a care package is a lovely idea to remind your friends you love and miss them.

The best things to send are books, they can be bought online for around £5, wrapped up beautifully, and the note you attach can be incredibly thoughtful. Choose a book that you've read and bonus points if there is also a movie. Pick completely different books for your completely different best friends. It's great if they have been adapted into a movie because this means you can all watch the movies separately or together and talk about them. It's just another way to connect with your friends in a deeper way than just sending Instagram memes (which I fully support by the way).

But if you live nearby, why not buy cute things for them as and when you see them. I remember when my best friend bought me a pack of reusable straws because I mentioned I wanted some and she saw some while out shopping. These probably cost her £3 but it made my whole day. It shows that you're thinking of them and truly care and listen.

Make adorable scrapbooks or gift framed photographs as you do with your SO, these are some of the best presents I've ever received.

Support

Make sure you ask the questions "how are you?" "how's everything at the moment?" to ensure you're really looking after your friends. Most of us do this with our SO so there's no reason you shouldn't do the same with your friends. Most of the time they'll be absolutely fine, but just in case it's worth asking in a casual, nonchalant way. It shouldn't feel forced.

Remember, your friends may not be in relationships so this is their main source of love.

One study found that friendships are made stronger based on satisfaction. Which was said to be achieved by cost and reward. This essentially means, we need to treat our friends with the same support they give us. We're all busy and can't be each other's therapist, but we also all need a good catch up with our best friends.

Priority

Within all your friendships there should be a scale of priorities, no matter how harsh that sounds.

You know those friends you love to bits and can see in your life forever? They need to be nurtured and looked after far more than the people you enjoy spending time with but are happy to stay at the level you're at. E.g. not too deep.

This is more than okay, it's lovely to have some people, largely within a friendship group, that you love spending time with, but know your friendship isn't much more than this. These beautifully tend to not be too emotionally draining.

So you don't need to prioritise seeing these friends once a week as you may with your best friends. But still, gift thoughtfully at Christmas and start engaging conversations and genuinely listen when you spend time with them. I am not saying to neglect them, but to understand the different levels of friendship and what is needed on your end, so that you don't feel completely spread thin and drained.

Your friends are your lifeline and what you'll look back on in your life and remember, just like your romantic relationships. People are everything and should be a priority in your life. But if you feel that you're not getting out what you put in then obviously stop. It is these genuine friendships that can easily get lost in the busyness of life. This is why we nurture these friendships and inject energy as we do into a relationship because they are just as important and arguably easier to maintain.