said through clenched teeth,

said while my throat burns,

said while tears slip down my face

quiet enough that no one has to notice.

Forever an "I'm sorry" girl,

sorry for the tone of my voice,

sorry for asking twice,

sorry for existing loudly,

sorry even when I was the one hurt

and somehow still the one apologizing.

Forever a "no, it's fine" girl,

while something inside me caves in,

while my heart drops straight to my stomach

and stays there

like a stone I'm expected to carry

without letting it show.

Forever an "it wasn't that important" girl,

rewriting my needs into inconveniences,

my wants into weaknesses,

convincing myself it didn't matter

so it wouldn't hurt so much

that it did.

Forever the girl who listens,

who notices the shifts in rooms,

who reads between lines,

who memorizes everyone else's wounds

so I don't accidentally touch them

while mine are stepped over,

ignored,

or treated like exaggerations.

Forever the understanding girl

who learned

that being easy was safer than being honest,

that shrinking kept people close,

that silence was more lovable

than truth.

Forever swallowing words,

biting my tongue until it bleeds,

holding grief behind polite smiles

and calm replies

and "I get it"s

I didn't mean.

Forever understanding everyone,

making room for everyone,

softening myself for everyone

and alone at the end of the night

wondering what it would feel like

to be chosen

without having to disappear first.

Forever the understanding girl,

who understands pain intimately,

who understands loss deeply,

who understands everyone

except why no one

has ever learned

to understand

her back.

With Love,

Alizabeth