Two years of silence taught me more than two years of writing ever could. This is my public promise — and the simple system I'm using to keep it.

On February 6, 2024, I published my last article on Medium. Today is April 13, 2026. That's 797 days of silence. This disappearance wasn't planned, but rather marked the uncertainty I faced during my job search then. Life pulled me away, marked with multiple rejection emails and preparation day and night to get one offer that could change my life for the better. Today I am breaking my silence with a commitment — 3 articles every week, starting today. Yes, you can hold me accountable if I am not keeping up my public vow.

In this piece, I am sharing what actually happened during the gap the lesson learned and my outlook on life at present. And no this isn't a AI writing, this is me sharing my vulnerability with my fellow readers. It is raw and not polished, hope you read till the end. Let's begin this with a bit about my childhood-

Skinny and Ugly.

That is what I thought of myself, as a child. Imagine a 50-year old man similar in age as your parent shaming you. I have faced body-shaming since the age of 7 with conversations like

"Don't your parents feed you."

"Are you wearing clothes or clothes wearing you — a hanger."

"Don't you eat anything."

For a large part of my life — I was an under-confident, quiet and dumb kid.

I will accept I wasn't the smartest, even today I don't think I am smart.

Diligent and a hard-worker is what people describe of me. I accept not as a compliment, but my personality is built around that. I don't like compromising at work, or anywhere I strive to be honest in what I do and I hate faking.

Fear of losing — needn't be a person just a fear that

What if?

This has been a major problem, and that is something I am working on overcoming, a personal hurdle since my childhood. I keep affirming myself, all of these positive words — I am healthy, I am smart, I am pretty.

Yes, manifestation something that hasn't really worked or I haven't really observed any change lately. I am trying to keep pushing myself, I remember the day I got that offer from my current organization Oct 19, 2024 — finally a sigh of relief felt like eternity. There were days prior to that letter, a never-ending cycle of being a huge disappointment to myself and everyone around. Even today, at times I doubt whether there is some purpose in my life.

I am not really happy, if I am being honest and writing this with tears in my eyes. There are days I feel lonely, being away from home has finally taken quite a toll on me. Interesting, I have been away from home since the age of 10 — boarding school, hostels now away for work. But I never used to feel this melancholic thoughts during my teenage days, there was a slight sadness initial days of my boarding school days but the best memories I share were mostly from back in those times — my school, roads, park and people.

Have you ever felt a deep level of loneliness — just you in a room, alone a quiet surrounding intense lying in your bed scrolling through happy stories. I am currently in that phase, but despite this momentum of longing for something I keep moving forward because that's the only way out.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

That phrase is what's keeping me going. Belief that everything would be alright, and it's got to be. Maybe i should get of my comfort zone, and try mingling with people but the problem is with people taking advantage of one's emotions. I have been there at one point, and that has made me build this huge wall around myself. If you're come so far thanks for reading.