🕷️ 🦟 🐜 🦗 🐞
I'm qualitatively different from most people where at least two types of bugs are concerned — fleas and mosquitoes. In my previous life as a cat person, before today's easy-peasy prevention methods, we "flea bombed" each year. It was a pain.
We moved into a new house with an unfinished basement, which we used at first only for storage and where our six cats lived at night. My late husband didn't believe me when I said we needed to flea-bomb that summer. I proved it by taking him downstairs when we were both wearing shorts and white socks. Very quickly, little black flea-dots appeared on my socks. His socks? Nary a flea.
Our previous "bugs" newsletter led off with a BOFace story — it seems fitting to follow that formula.
In This Is Your Brain On Bugs, BOFace ponders, "What If Something Else Lives in Your Brain? The Science and Secrets of Brain Microbiome."
After reading I thought,
That could explain a lot,
starting with the revelation that a certain very public anti-vaxer's noggin contains a dead brain parasite.
But I am thinking more of the applications of the news of a possible brain microbiome to the annoying-to-humiliating brain glitches that plague my existence.
Emphasis mine. Right there with you, BOF — though you have a head start. Aging ain't for sissies.
🦟Mosquitos
Anu Anniah believes Mosquito Hunting Should Be An Olympic Sport — [she'd] win hands down.
"Moooooooom! Come faast, there's a mosquito in my room."
I rush to grab my weapon — the mosquito bat, before racing to my baby girl's room. The baby is 19 years old. But she always screams for Mom when a mosquito passes by.
Zzing! Goodbye, mosquito.
"Anuuuuuuu, come fast, and bring the mosquito bat."
I rush to where my husband's voice is coming from. He is frozen, keeping a close watch on the mosquito perched on the cupboard.
Zzing! Goodbye, mosquito.
I'm a mosquito magnet. In April, I'll begin taking my sublingual vitamin B-1 tablet daily until mosquito season ends — it puts me on par with less-attractive humans.
In Mosquito Swarm Seeks Experienced Bloodsucker for Its MBA Program Staffing, Smillew Rahcuef needs someone ready to put some skin in the game.
Our swarm is currently looking for an experienced bloodsucker to fill the Dean position of our newly created MBA program.
Our MBA school … mission [is] to help the next generation of mosquitoes break the nets and other meshed curtains. We aim to educate the swarm leaders of the future. We want them to develop and scale innovative approaches to slip under the curtains, fly through them, or bite from the other side.
I've experienced a swarm only once — at Lake Wenatchee, Memorial Day weekend — our first camping trip after I discovered B-1. Mosquitoes hounded my family more than they did me.
Elle Rogers channels … the Centipede Who Is Hiding in Your Bathtub — And I swear I have a totally non-creepy reason for being here.
Good morning! It's nice to see your lovely face so early on this beautiful day while the sun is shining and the birds are singing! Although — WHOA! Lady, why are you screaming?! I'm just chilling here in the corner of the tub. There's plenty of room for both of us.
Holy millipedes!!! Your reflexes are really something to behold! Especially since you haven't even had your first cup of sweet, sweet coffee yet. Wow! I didn't know humans could balance on top of showerheads like that! Amazing!
I jumped slightly at that ending, Elle.
🕷️Spiders
The Biggest Spider in the World Lives in Rick Post's Head — It can live in yours too! Eww, lucky us.
We recently moved from the city to a rural location with no traffic congestion, an expansive backyard for the dogs, and the biggest spider we've ever seen.
Not only was the spider huge, she was carrying all of her babies on her back. I posted a picture on our local neighborhood Facebook page. The responses ranged from "burn the house down," to "it's a good spider," to "I'll come and take it." Right. Come and take it.
The image in my head, Rick, is worse. Twice — in different houses — I've found a wolf spider IN MY BED. Luckily, both times it was when I pulled the covers back to get in.
Cornelius Schmeckelman held An Emotional Funeral in [his] Bathroom.
I woke up early this morning and found a surprise on the wall of my bathroom: a Daddy Long-Legs.
With two squares of toilet paper, I squished this arachnid against the wall and threw it in the toilet.
R.I.P., Daddy. Daddy long-legs don't scare me, and neither do those cute little black and white jumping spiders.
Another "channeler" is Deborah Barchi, who wonders, If a Spittlebug Talks, will the universe listen?
My life sucks.
Sure, other life forms have claimed this. But are there any other creatures out there who spend most of their lives as a green, snot-sized bug encased in spittle?
This is one of my favorites among these stories. Excellent voice, Deborah!
🐜Ants
Jeff Eagle bemoans the Ants in [his] Pants.
Ants can quickly invade a home and will continue to show up if they find a food source. Our favorite food source is P.F. Chang's. I've never seen ants there.
We can't use traditional bug sprays because of our cats. Raid offers a multi-insect killer that's safe for use around children and pets.
We don't have any children but it seems like a great incentive to start a family.
So many funny lines. I kept finding & adding just one more piece of "bug humor" to this opus — at this rate, a third "bugs" newsletter may invade your email inbox.
In The Whole Food Ant-based Diet, Tovah Rainsong provides a food source primer for hard times.
Entomophagy — it sounds like a disease, doesn't it? But it's the word referring to eating insects. Bleck. However, since insects are an essential food source culturally in many parts of the world, perhaps we should embrace the idea and look more closely at this as a food option. There are an estimated 22,000 species of ants, of which more than 13,800 have been classified. Which makes ants a plentiful food source. Ant-ipasto: It's what's for dinner!
I have a vague memory of eating chocolate-covered ants as a child. Uncle Burton offered me some, thinking I'd say no.
Good one, Betsy Denson! She describes the Cicadapocalypse in May the Best Cicada Win — And Then Go Straight Back to Hell.
There are 15 different broods that hatch at different times, which is why in some states, cicadas strike up most summers. However, in the Year of Our Lord 2024, the planets, or calendars, have aligned to bring two groups of them, numbering in the billions, back from the grave at the same time. …
They've been molting down there, gathering strength since Bush the Second passed off the torch to Obama. That's a hell of a long time to hatch a plan. A plan for what?
You'll see.
Thankfully, those cacophonous cicadas don't infest my locale.
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