These Scammers Think They’re So Clever

Until I recognize a pattern of deceit, I can be easily duped. That's one of the ways my autism shows up. Once I know the pattern, though…Good.Luck.

That's why I thank God several times a week that a member of my staff was with me the first time I got one of those, "This is your bank calling about fraud on your account," phone calls.

My instincts said something was off, but the signal was too quiet, and I was suppressing it. Just as I was about to read them the code they'd texted me, which would've given them access to most of mine and my then-husband's money, my employee tapped my arm and said, "I think it's a scam."

Her comment gave me permission to trust the tiny voice I'd been ignoring. That was when I realized something wasn't right. They hadn't taken any steps to verify my identity.

I hung up and logged into my account. Nothing. No fraud alert. No emails. No texts.

The first time they almost got me. Every call since has been free training.

These days I usually know it's scammers within five seconds of answering the phone. They have tells. I still listen for a minute or two, though, because I like to know what new tricks they're trying.

But I just gotta tell y'all about the last two calls because they were hilarious.

The first one was a couple of months ago. They asked for me by my married name. But I'm divorced and that's not my name anymore.

So I said, "If you were really calling from my bank, you'd know my fucking last name!"

Click.

This most recent call was even better. There was no name. No introduction. Just, "Hi, we're calling from your bank. Did you make an expensive purchase in Michigan? Are you traveling right now?"

But here's where they really tried it.

And before I tell y'all what they did, let me say this:

Y'all better not be out there falling for this shit.

It's INSANE.

"Ma'am, log into your banking app and let me know when you get there."

I was already logged in. Coinkidink.

"I'm there," I replied.

"Okay, press the right arrow. You'll find a number that I just put there for you. Read that out to me. That's the code I need to clear up the fraud on your account."

"I'm not following. Can you say that again?"

"Yeah, there's a number that I just put there for you. It says member number. I need you to read that out for me."

And I'm sitting there thinking…

Is this actually working on people?

You have got to be kidding me.

I scoffed.

"You are so cute. Go try this bullshit on someone else."

Click.

I hope you don't need this explanation, but in case you do: Banks don't call and ask you to read identifying information from your own banking app. If someone tells you to log in and start reading numbers to them, hang up. Then call your bank directly using the number on the back of your debit card or the bank's official website.

Trust that little voice.

It might be trying to save your ass. And your money.

About the Author

Professional pattern recognizer. Predators beware.