If a person is boring, will people lose interest in them? As someone as boring as I am, I believe I am more than how people perceive me. I may be boring, but I can fulfill what you need and show you the love you want. I am willing to do things I know you will enjoy. I can make you happy, but I often feel I am not fun enough to keep you wanting me.

I don't talk too much and I'm not always full of topics to converse about, but you are someone I am comfortable with, so I can be talkative, even nonsense, because it's you I am talking to.

I feel like I am someone with no talents and not much intelligence. I once loved joining competitions back in elementary, but I lost that spark when high school came and the pandemic happened. I am not that competitive person anymore who always tops the class. I lost my spark. I wonder, would people love and appreciate me more if I were someone who could show off many achievements?

I grew up in an unaffectionate and toxic household, a family that hasn't felt like a family since I lost my grandmother, the only person who understood and loved me unconditionally. Since then, this house has never felt like a home. It is an environment I am scared of living in. Worse, it all built up inside me and turned into anger issues. The only good thing now is my little brother. He is so precious and too young to understand my struggles, but he never fails to comfort me.

If you ask how I hurt her, it was when I got mad and my words and actions hurt her. That is a part of me I am working on, a part of me I don't even fully understand yet. I regret hurting her because I love her so much, but she came into my world and saw how messy I am. I don't want to measure our love by the times we hurt each other. We are more than that. We are more than how people perceive us based only on our faults.

I care and love too much. Once I am committed, I take it seriously, ride or die. I may have grown up in an unaffectionate household, but that doesn't make me less loving toward her. I love her so much, and she knows that. I show my love in the ways I know how, while also minding her love languages. I cook for her because that is what I love doing. I spend time with her because quality time lets us focus on us and ignore the noise around us. We are so happy when it is just the two of us. I used to hate physical touch, but with her, it isn't hard for me anymore.

I mess up with words and have a hard time expressing what I need to say, but I still try because I want to assure her with words of affirmation during random times or when we were long-distance. Letters were our way to express what our physical presence couldn't at the time. I am bad with words, but I love giving her letters as much as I love receiving them from her. I love giving her gifts, things I know will be useful and will remind her of me, like the tumbler I gave her so she stays hydrated no matter how busy school and work get.

I sometimes failed to show support physically during some of her games and contests, but I made sure she felt my support and how proud I was even from a distance. When she felt down and tired of everything, I assured her I would love her no matter what. I showed her I could be the one to hold on for our relationship when she felt like giving up. I stayed. I didn't leave. I shared a lot here already, but there is more to it and to my love for her than what words can perfectly express.

But love is not enough to work everything out. She got tired and she ended us last month, March. Yes, love is not enough, but I am committed enough to show her I can fight for us. I want to give her reasons to still choose me, to choose our relationship. To forgive yet not forget, to learn and grow, and to continue working to be better for each other. I hope I can make her realize that.

I hope that during this time when we aren't talking, she doesn't find someone better, specifically in the aspects I can't give. I hope my flaws won't be the reason she looks for it in another person. I hope she finds her way back to me and realizes we can do better than this. We just need to communicate, understand, consider, trust, be kind, and respect. For now, I surrender it all to God and trust His plans.