The Beautiful pain of becoming someone they will never know

It's been a while since I accepted that it's over. It started with my cowardice for not being with her, then turned into resentment, then regret and guilt. But it's not all gray when you think about it.

The way she smiled with that little innocence. The way she looked at me. She made me realize how beautiful I am and how beautiful her heart is. From all those random meme mimicries she'd do to the honesty between us with terrible timing from both sides, to all those moments when we didn't have words and our eyes just did all the talking.

She was a friend first, now i can't consider her that. I might be selfish for that but that's the truth.

My heart still skips a beat when I see a picture of her. Or when I pick up a random book and immediately think, "What would she say about this? What choices would she make? I still love her. And while writing this, my hands are shaking. I can't help it. Even thinking of letting her go feels numb.

My beautiful pain is that i am who i am right now because of you and the fact that I cannot show you what i have become is my pain that i have carry for the rest of my life. That's not me talking that's the old version of me yearning. And honestly? That's ME. Because why not? You came, you left, but I changed. I'm better now. No resentment left.

You'll question your existence. You'll question everything you're doing why, what, when? But that's just self-doubt. That's just the ache of not being chosen by that one person. And you know what? It's okay. It's not the end of the world.

You'll listen to songs that give you hope they might come back. But deep down, you already know when the kicks and snare fade out, those hopes will fade too.

Letting go isn't about forgetting. You'll never forget. But after a while, you'll embrace it all. You'll become a better human for the people who come next. That's what you take with you.

Gautama Buddha once said, "In the end, these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?"