Animalistic desires in a toy box.

Duality clashes and stagnates; the third force reconciles, unlocks the conflict, and generates evolution or movement.

'Only you. Under the sky. You remind me that life is just a flight. What does it matter. The entire world. If love is our truest friend.'

Thinking (and I shouldn't be thinking, but doing) about designing a new avatar — you could say designing a person — , I am about to turn 40 and things have shifted a lot physically. I can see how everything is speeding up, as if it were the prelude to something; we will be documenting what is to come. But talking again about the avatar, I've thought about what I would like to experience and why I am not experiencing it yet, but just thinking about it.

I realize that it is not about design, but rather about allowing something within yourself. Giving it total permission. And that is not something you sign like a contract or a promise, nor is it willpower. What I have discovered to be a treasure for me is how important it is to be vulnerable and to open your heart; there is no other way. It is the only way to be able to live your dreams, because all of us, as humans, long for that. 'Opening your heart' brings up so many sensations; I am telling you this because I am experiencing it. I am crying every day because I am writing every day; that is why my posts contain music that I love with all my soul, because they have stories.

And now I remember a friend who, when her dog died, had to set an alarm to cry for a specific amount of time, dry her tears, and keep working. Oh my god…

On June 1, 2020, at the beginning of the pandemic, we lost Nerone; it was one of the terrifying nights of my life. But not only that, we also lost someone who could have been born… Nerone's death was an experience that transcends my understanding.

Believe me, you can stay stuck in this for years, wondering how to do it or why you aren't doing it. Searching the internet, you will find a million explanations and techniques for creation and manifestation of your dreams (how funny!). Getting lost in those paths is not recommended at all if you want to keep your sanity. It's not worth it, we don't have time.

But they say that what you want most is what you resist most. I once read about Gurdjieff's three forces: there are always two forces that oppose each other like duality, and there is a third one that releases everything, and, let's say, you can find it. I'll write what the internet says:

Gurdjieff's theory of the Three Forces (part of his Fourth Camino teaching) postulates that every phenomenon in the universe, from the creation of a galaxy to a personal decision, is the result of the interaction of three independent forces, and not just two.

Gurdjieff explained that the Western human mentality is trapped in a "blindness" that only allows it to see dual conflict (black/white, good/bad, light/dark), which generates stagnation. For a real change or a creation to occur, the third force is indispensable.

The three forces are defined as follows:

Active Force (Impulse / Initiative): It is the positive force, the push, the desire to do something, or the affirmation. It acts as the cathode or the positive pole.

Passive Force (Resistance / Inertia): It is the negative force (not in a moral sense, but of resistance). It is the brake, the matter, the obstacle, or the negation. These first two forces always oppose and clash with each other, creating an infinite loop or a conflict with no way out (the duality you speak of).

Neutralizing Force (Reconciling / The Release): It is the force you mention as the "release." Its function is to connect, balance, and resolve the conflict between the first two. It does not destroy the opposition, but transforms it into a higher plane, allowing energy to "flow" and a new result to manifest (a third state).

How to find the Third Force?_ Gurdjieff stated that the ordinary human being is blind to the third force because our mind is purely binary. However, it can be "found" or made present through conscious work: in practical life, the third force usually presents itself as an external factor or a new perspective that changes the context of the problem. For example: in an argument between two people who will not yield (Active vs. Passive), the third force can be a higher common purpose, a mediator, or a moment of vulnerability that disarms the conflict._

In short: duality clashes and stagnates; the third force reconciles, unlocks the conflict, and generates evolution or movement.

My dear, you have no idea how passionate I am about these things! And if you know me, of course you know it! We could reserve an entire afternoon just to talk about this. I would surely throw 500 words per minute at you, but I am going to calm down and we are going to keep going…

I am using a lighter Mac; mine is heavy and gets very hot. It is feeling light to write these days when I must be at home on medical rest. Literally, I looked like a little monster; it made me laugh so much when I looked at myself in the mirror the first few days. I was another person, they were never going to identify me with my ID card number. I could simply say that I am someone else because my appearance was different. Literally, all of this caused me amazement at how you can change overnight. Thank goodness I am very resilient and those things do not affect me because suddenly they are gone, it's like when I lost a toenail on my big toe. Anything to do with skin or blood panics me a little, I could never have been a surgeon, but oh well, I didn't pay attention to my toe and just let it be. Those days I was around the beach and always covered in sand. I like taking care of my fingernails and toenails, but I couldn't tell at what moment my nail was already whole, cute, and beautiful, as if by magic.

Let's keep talking about the avatar. If you realize it, you already have those characteristics; otherwise, they wouldn't be on your radar: you already are them. But for some reason, you "think or live" as if you don't have them. You are truly just one step away or, better yet, you are already in that eternity, that "no-time" — as I call it — where you are already living that. Perhaps I don't have to ask myself why I am not living it, but rather ask a different kind of question so that certain parts of the mind don't interfere with the answers by trying to evade them. It is not a matter of being honest, because you might not be telling yourself the truth. Let's move forward and try to ask a few questions:

What would you lose if you embark on experiencing what you have in mind?
What is it that attracts you to the experience?
What are the sensations, feelings, or emotions that you want to experience?
What are the limitations or what is it that doesn't allow me to?
Whom do I need to ask for permission?
What avatar that you admire do you want to become?
What stops me from being it?
Why do I think I am not it yet?

I want you to reflect on the fact that if that idea is already in your mind, it already exists. It is that simple. And what's more, you have already given that type of experience a taste, whether through playing, imagining, or seeing and living it with others. What happens is that you have judgments. And there are judgments and attachments to what you want to be or experience as a new person. There is resistance.

Now tell me: what are the judgments you have about that "person" who would experience what you want to experience? Tell me their characteristics, what is the good part, but above all, what is the bad part about them? Fill in these questions with the first thing that comes to your mind:

The good:

The bad:

What I am still not sure how to "categorize" or what it is likely to be:

Now tell me one thing, keeping in mind that we are going to play at "being that": when children play, how do they do it? They imagine a scenario, step into characters like actors, move the furniture around, or take out all the toys to recreate scenes. If you were playing with them, you shouldn't know exactly how you are supposed to do it; that would ruin our game plans. You don't think too much.

Now I want you to have no judgments between your list of good, bad, and the "no category." I want you to combine them into a single mass. And just as if we were playing, we will have no judgments while playing. I think it is likely that some experience from your childhood about playing, experiencing, being curious, or expressing yourself (which is the same thing) will come to your memory; and if so, immediately take some notes.

Now, as an actor or actress, I want you to live the character without thinking about it too much, with all your judgments dissolved and with all the toys you can find. Just like children would play.

"Truly I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Mateo 18:3

I remember when I was in my acting class. I studied acting for a long time when I was a child, but also as a teenager and as an adult. Although these states seem to keep living and coexisting at the same time. Something curious is that in this city, which appears to be very violent and where the course was held, they had us gather in pairs during a workshop. We had us improvise: we didn't have to think, just act. Living it in the immediate moment; "direct experience," I would say, without intermediaries. It is a good exercise even for life itself, but not as an exercise, but as a way of experiencing oneself in the world: no-mind, no overthinking. I love this phrase: "direct experience," the "being."

Well, guess what? I already had a very clear understanding of how the hive mind and the collective work, and how we are connected to one another. Specifically, I don't know how one can get out of there, but I know that other scenarios can be chosen. It is like mycelium, the network that connects everything; I learned it in the mushroom documentary, I think you would love to watch it.

The "internet" of nature. The mycelium connects the roots of different plants and trees in a forest (mycorrhizal network). Through this network, plants exchange information, nutrients, and hazard alerts, functioning as a plant communication system. — Google Extract.

I find it so moving and fascinating how we all help each other…

Going back…

Guess what happened when we started to improvise? Every single couple started talking about: "Let's kill!", "Let's rob!", "What if we get high?", "What if we jump from the third floor?", "Let's kidnap!". All of our performances were based on atrocities (hahaha). It makes me laugh so much to remember that, because it seems I was the only one with my mouth wide open realizing, that day, what was happening; living in direct experience what the hive mind was and how we were connected. The teacher told us how in other places the groups were different, but here we were a bunch of vandals. Wow! Meowwwww!

So, to me, this proves what we have in our unconscious that we don't want to come out, without knowing what is inside and without knowing that you don't want it to come out… because there are judgments. Nobody wants to be a bandit? Or do they? Maybe they do.

That being said, I feel that we must give ourselves permission to explore our animalistic desires more. Explore what you would like to do, even if it seems crazy. Don't let it stay as a fantasy, because life is "right now," and also observe what is stopping you. Put on the music you like, I think that unleashes it. Or have a drink; you already realized that who comes out is a more unleashed, crazy "self" with no judgments. We are not promoting drugs or alcohol, but it is the reason why I don't go past two drinks or smoke constantly: because I am already high all the time without touching any Maria. Very quickly I go to the firmament; "it scares me, but I like it." This is why I was @diosacosmica for a long time.

In the next post we are going to explore what we saw with these questions we asked ourselves, and what honestly happens when we think about what we animalistically want to experience if nobody saw us, with nobody to point at us, and without thinking if it is right or wrong…

I like it: a n i m a l

Maria Jose