Actually, I had been comfortable with the idea of being alone and on my own. No late-night thoughts about someone. No wondering whether a text meant something more. I was fine and had made my peace with that.

And then she happened.

Not in some dramatic way or like a movie scene. It was just subtle, ordinary, I would say. Walking to class together. Sitting next to each other. Sharing random conversations. Laughing about things that weren't even that funny. The kind of moments that don't seem important at first, until one day you realize you've started looking forward to them. Bruuh, for the first time, I started rooting for classes hoping they won't "bounce." Very unlikely for any university student, I tell you.

But somewhere in between then and now, something strange started happening. She started appearing in my dreams. Gaddemnit, where are your whips, Kinuthia? Wish I was able to add audio on here.

Not once. Not twice. Consistently.

Happy dreams, Romantic dreams. The kind where everything feels easy. The kind where we are already close, where there is no uncertainty, no guessing, no fear. Then I wake up. And I have to ask myself: Does this mean something? Is my subconscious trying to tell me my feelings are deeper than I want to admit? Or is it simply because I think about her so much during the day that my brain decides to continue the story while I sleep? Probably the second one. But I keep hoping it's the first.

Maybe dreams are not messages. Maybe they are mirrors. A reflection of the things we hope for, the questions we haven't answered, and the emotions we haven't been brave enough to speak out loud.

But then there are signs. Or what I think are signs.

She's comfortable around me. She talks to me easily. She laughs. We walk together. Sometimes our conversations feel effortless, like we've known each other for much longer than we actually have. That should feel enough of an answer.

But another voice responds.

"Or maybe she just feels safe and comfortable around me as a friend?"

Both could be true, honestly. Every interaction starts to feel like a clue. Every smile like evidence. Every moment of kindness analysed when I'm alone.

Maybe I am overthinking. Am I actually feeling something real, or am I just afraid that no one will ever make me feel this way again?

Because loneliness does that. It inflates things. A person who makes you feel seen can start to feel like a miracle, when really they might just be kind. And you start holding on — not to them, but to the feeling they gave you. The proof that you're still capable of it.

I don't want that to be what this is.

But I can't be completely sure it isn't.

The truth is, I don't have the answer yet. I don't know whether these dreams mean anything. I don't know if I am falling in love or just falling into my own thoughts, building a story with someone who hasn't agreed to be in it.

But maybe I don't need to know right now. Maybe the most beautiful parts of life happen before we have all the answers. Maybe I should stop trying to decode every smile and simply enjoy getting to know the person in front of me.

If there's something, time will reveal it. If there isn't, then I will still be grateful that someone reminded me I was capable of feeling something again. And maybe that is the real answer to the question. "Am I in love again? "

Maybe I am.