I don't like bugs. That statement alone doesn't really convey how much I don't like bugs.
I am deathly afraid of a bug entering any orifice of mine that is exposed. So much so, I sleep with ear muffs most nights and lay fully clothed to ensure the parts of me I want private, are kept, well, private.
Unfortunately, the world is inhabited by many creatures, and getting along with all sorts of creatures or tolerating them has proven to be crucial to sustaining a somewhat peaceful life.
Enter my handy dandy handheld vacuum. Yes, those little devices people use to clean their cars, suck up dirt, or whatever else one uses it for.
For me, I use it to collect bugs.
Follow me for a second.
I open it up, let the bugs crawl in, lightly seal the vacuum so the little creatures can breathe. I put it outside of my unit by my front door, and wait for my guy friend to come over and free the bugs outside my complex.
It's been part of my routine for the past year. I collect the bugs, he comes over, I watch him on my Ring camera, he picks up the vacuum, gives me his usual thumbs up, runs downstairs, lets them out, takes a video of them flying away, and comes back to give me my vacuum.
These bugs somehow survive solitary confinement for 3–5 minutes. They could have had a worse fate — like, I don't know, entering one of my orifices. A handheld vacuum is the best option for us both.
Except for Sunday March 15th.
Sunday March 15th at 12:48 am, I let a cricket hop into my little vacuum, opened my front door, laid the vacuum upright to the side of my front door, walked into my unit, closed the door, and waited for my friend to come over and free the cricket.
A few moments later, I got a notification from my Ring camera. Someone was walking by my unit. I clicked to view my camera's live feed and watched as a random man walked by my unit, hesitated, bent over, and casually picked up my vacuum before disappearing out of frame.
I was shocked.
This wasn't someone I recognized. He didn't live on my floor.
This was a random man.
A vacuum thief.
I watched this random man walk away with my $15 handheld vacuum. And a cricket that didn't belong to him.
Why would someone steal a vacuum? Was he aware of my secret bug ecosystem that was in there?
Moments later my friend came over ready to save the cricket and was met with an empty hallway.
I told him the tale of the random man stealing my handheld vacuum. He didn't believe me. Had I not caught this on my Ring camera I wouldn't have either.
We watched the footage together.
We replayed it over and over again. And, I wondered? What happened to the cricket?
Where is he? Did the vacuum thief open the vacuum up and have a cricket hop out of it scared, was the vacuum thief scared?
Or is the cricket trapped in a vacuum, somewhere on a street in Los Angeles?
I'll never know.
What I do know is, somewhere in LA there is a vacuum thief.
He possesses a cricket he never should have had, and I don't think he realizes how much more expensive that little device he stole from an apartment in Los Angeles really was.
15 dollars, plus a priceless cricket.
A priceless cricket that passed through my life for a brief moment.
A priceless cricket I inadvertently put in harms way.
I'm so sorry I let you down buddy.