A Homebound Layover.

Ironic enough that I was scrolling through my phone in the midst of rush hour traffic, where people are like bees, swarming through the corridors of The ASEAN HQ MRT, a silent witness of me at the most critical turning points of my life, running late with cups of caffeine shots on both my hands. Was I really waiting for a train? I have nowhere to go, what is the point of waiting anyways. or so I thought.

But what if we wanted to get there quicker? A destination that is somehow not too far away. Homebound. I simply wanted to have some warm showers and rest, snuggle beneath my fuzzy comforters. A certainty that I will be home and my mind will be at peace. But on times when the future seems uncertain, when the edge of the tunnel is nowhere to be seen, it was tough.

Thoughts clouded my mind; a 21 year-old overthinker, a recent graduate with nowhere to go, a nomad living in 3 cities at the same time. Sometimes untangling them and letting yourself sit with them, gently asking what they'd like to tell me reflects a matter of emotional maturity, if I may say.

Let's take it 3 months back in time, when I was breaking down on the office bathroom floor and called a friend. "When you feel lost and you don't know what to do, you can always ask for help." and that sits eternally with me. It was indeed another story to tell (that somehow I chose to keep within). Being known as the daughter who travels, I am so used to carrying things on my own and facing my inner demons quietly. I acknowledge I am more of a listener. It took me enough courage and a big heart to acknowledge that I need help.

"You are still raw. You have so much to learn."

3 months passed, I could definitely declare I am a changed person. I have been asking for advice from my friends and seniors, accepting that I am flawed, that things do not always align with how I thought they should be. I went through numerous heartfelt talks, that is where I love to put it in the most. Hearts to hearts talk. I love when human beings are genuine and honest. We are all essentially navigating through life on our own terms.

As I sat down for coffee with the people who made my early-professional life less scary and a lot more bearable, it was then I understood that sometimes we need to humble ourselves to seek others opinions and how they observe and see how we have been progressing. I didn't realize how much it stuck with me until it was the conclusion of my internship life, where I had to bid farewell to members of the 14th and 15th floor. And more specifically all the beans brought from all different parts of Southeast Asia, that we brewed during our pantry breaks, where we tested out different caffeine experiments (definitely bad for my gerd, but the chatters left traces nevertheless). Leaving South Tower would definitely drag me to a slump, and I would take my time to just absorb and sit within the grief. It is okay to be attached, somehow.

So I went over to my mentor's desk and sought guidance. I am not necessarily agreeing nor translating a deep recent conversation in my senior officer's cubicle as derogatory. It was rather uplifting and heartwarming. I was again seen and validated, and it left a significant impression that I carried it through my walk home. 21 is a young age. It is only the beginning of the 20s sequence. I have so many people to meet and places to be. It is okay to be raw. It is okay to be confused and lost within the whirlwinds adulting. It is okay.

I went to the library and sat down with myself merely to digest that things are ending. I had dinner with my friends after though, and we travelled the neighborhood for a bit. I realized that it was a little effort I made to survive, to feel better, to be constantly reminded that this journey is never mine alone to begin with. It was the different inside jokes I threw with different people that made life more fulfilling.

"The right train won't pass you by. There will always be another train."

No one will ever tell you this, but most times, the in-between, the waiting time, the layover, lingers louder than the destination itself. The people you met, the lesson learnt, the memories gained that are meant to stay with you were from the layover.

If you were to travel far, the layover matters. A transitional period of waiting. Sometimes you discover places that were never written in books, nor somewhere made viral by the algorithm magic on your socials. Maybe it was your own version of a journey where you find yourself among people who constantly make you feel that you are not alone.

On an ending note, I would like to plug in what V said in regards to his EP, 'Layover' (2023) release on Melon Radio:

Slowness does not mean inability to accelerate at a fast pace. It is about having the ability to not rush through time, not to be pushed around by the rush of time, and not to lose yourself in the process. Being a little more relaxed will help you look more closely at your everyday lives, where you were anxious about being left behind if you were late. There are good things because they are slow. There are beautiful things because they are slow.

The childhood bedroom.

5 May 2026.