The Quiet Power Of Letting Yourself Be Weak Sometimes

Two weeks have passed since I visited a neurologist.

It was a pleasant summer evening, not too hot. I was sitting in the doctor's office, waiting for my turn. A dear friend who was supposed to accompany me arrived, and shortly after, the receptionist called my name. I walked into the doctor's room.

I had gone to this kind and skilled doctor on the recommendation of a friend from the gym. I've written about the experience in this post.

The doctor asked about my lifestyle and daily activities. The reason for my visit was sleep disturbance and dizziness. He reviewed my test results, conducted a few small examinations, and said, "You don't have a physical problem; this is related to your mental and emotional state."

I already knew that I didn't have a physical issue, but I wanted to be sure.

He carefully went through my blood test results one by one and kindly reassured me: "These are all fine."

During our conversation, he pointed out something I had already sensed myself, but he emphasized it more strongly.

He said, "For a short time, allow yourself to appear vulnerable to yourself. Lower your expectations of yourself.

You are very strong, and you always want to be seen as capable and invincible. You try not to be weak in difficult or critical situations and always look for solutions, which is good. But you've overlooked something: you don't always have to be at your peak.

You need to accept that sometimes you are weak, and you shouldn't put relentless pressure on yourself to be okay or to solve everything.

Let yourself observe your weaker state for a while.

We tend to avoid seeing our vulnerable selves

Vulnerability is often viewed as a negative trait, and we prefer to hide it from others.

As I was leaving the doctor's office, my friend said, "What an interesting point: observe your vulnerable self."

I thought more about the days that had passed and the issues I knew I couldn't solve.

The doctor was right. I always tried to move through everything not by denial, but by acceptance and doing what I could. Ten years of studying psychoanalysis had taught me its principles, and I applied them well.

But it seemed the strain had become chronic. I was older, I was tired, yet I kept trying to manage everything through careful planning.

All of that was good, but there was an inner voice saying, "I can't stay strong like this anymore." I ignored it, thinking I still hadn't worked on myself enough.

I didn't allow myself to see my vulnerability, and that was my biggest mistake.

I decided to observe my weak and vulnerable self for two weeks without judgment and without any attempt to be strong.

Why do we value vulnerability in others, but not in ourselves?

When we look at others from a distance, we see vulnerability as something positive that can lead to good outcomes. But when it comes to ourselves, we interpret it as weakness and inadequacy.

Perhaps the most certain reason is our excessive self-closeness.

The German researcher Anna Brock refers to this as "beautiful disorder," meaning that our understanding of a situation depends on our psychological distance from it. From afar, we perceive things more abstractly and focus more on their positive aspects. But the closer we get, especially when it comes to ourselves, our perception becomes limited, and we exaggerate the negative aspects.

Vulnerability is less dangerous than we think it is in ourselves. If you pay attention, you'll notice that what appears messy or disordered from within is often perceived as strength and courage by others.

Think for a moment: the last time a friend shared their vulnerability with you, how did you feel?

You probably admired their courage for opening up and tried to support them. Yet at the same time, you may have felt that it wouldn't look good if you talked about your own vulnerability.

Am I right?

During this time, I tried to practice seeing my vulnerable self. At first, it was difficult because I saw it as a weakness.

Things that helped me during this period:

• I marked two weeks on the calendar next to my desk and wrote: "Start of being weak" and "End of being weak."
• When challenges arose, I didn't act; I observed my weak self.
• I asked my inner critic to be silent.
• I canceled half of my daily routine.
• Every day, I walked for an hour in a park near my home.

After a few days, I felt an overwhelming fatigue. I realized that my vulnerable self had finally been acknowledged.

I still feel fatigued for a few hours each day, but I know I am on the right path. I need to be patient because everything heals gradually.

Rumi, the Persian mystic and poet, often uses the expression "little by little" in his works, especially in his book, Masnavi. He shows beautifully that growth in any area is a gradual process that must unfold slowly and steadily.

"Little by little" reflects the miracle of small steps. Running too fast, stopping too late, and collapsing from exhaustion is not a sustainable way to live.

"Little by little, pour water on the fire, So that your flame becomes light, O sorrowful one."

No, I'm not always resilient

I had ignored my deepest, most inner feeling: that I can sometimes be weak, that I can tell those around me, "I'm tired. I can't take this anymore.

Please, get off my back!

I did that too. I gave a wake-up call to the people closest to me, those who always thought that, because I rarely complained and had applied psychoanalytic principles well, I could endure anything. They would say, "Things have always been like this until yesterday, you could handle it. Don't you think you've become too sensitive?"

This experience was necessary for me. It served as a warning to those around me. Even if it doesn't change them much, it still matters because I repeatedly and clearly expressed my vulnerability to them.

Remember:

First, you must see your own vulnerability as a signal, not as weakness or inadequacy. Then you can share it with others so they may treat you more gently. Although we often see that revealing vulnerability can lead to others taking advantage of us, research shows that opening ourselves to uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure can at least bring some benefits. As Brené Brown argues, "Vulnerability is life's greatest challenge. It is life asking: Are you ready? Can you value your own vulnerability as much as you value it in others?"

What do you think? Will you accept this challenge?

It worked for me. I'm sure it can work for you too.