It's not cute. It's not just daydreams and butterflies. It's wanting something real so badly that it almost hurts.

I want to be chosen intentionally. Not halfway. Not when it's convenient. Not when someone is bored or lonely. I want someone to pursue me without me having to question where I stand. I want to be asked out on a real date, where I put on my best dress and feel butterflies in my stomach. I want to feel like someone sees me and decides, yes, you're worth the effort.

I want the conversations that go deeper than "how was your day?" I want to sit with someone and talk about life, where we're going, what we want, what scares us, and what we're working toward. I want to learn about someone in a way that feels real, not rushed or surface-level.

But loving like this… it comes with a cost.

Because I don't know how to be anything other than all in.

I wear my heart on my sleeve in a way that probably makes people uncomfortable. I don't know how to play it cool or act like I don't care. When I feel something, it's there fully, openly, without filters. And when I start to fall, I fall hard. Too hard. Every single time.

And that's when the questions start creeping in.

Am I too much?

Too emotional, too expressive, too intense for someone to actually stay?

Or somehow… am I not enough?

Not enough to be chosen, the way I'm ready to choose someone else?

It messes with you. Sitting in that space where you have so much love to give, but nowhere for it to land. Watching other people experience the kind of connection you've been craving, while you're still trying to figure out why it hasn't happened for you.

I don't know how to love halfway. I'm not sure how to protect myself by giving less. And honestly, I don't even know if I want to.

But I do know this: being a hopeless romantic means constantly walking the line between hope and disappointment. Between believing love like that exists… and wondering if maybe it just doesn't exist for you.

And that's the part no one talks about.