I confessed to an old crush I used to like him.
As we hung out in virtual coworking rooms for hours, I grew fonder of his work ethic, dedication, and intelligence. It helped that he looked like a treat, too.
I was living in a fantasy, a state of limerence.
We were in different phases of life, not to mention on opposing sides of the continent. There was an age gap of nearly a decade.
To snap out of it, I confessed. I used the opportunity to exercise my communication skills. To reduce my fear of rejection and train myself in speaking up.
Worst case, he'd poke fun at me. My gut already told me he wasn't interested. Nothing came from it.
Still, I felt relief after I did this.
Another year, another crush
A second instance happened after finding my male clone on the same virtual coworking platform.
Within the first five minutes I baptized him as Husband Material. We had all the same hobbies and interests, a similar personality, and we were interested in the same sports.
It was ridiculous.
After dozens of online meetups and spending half of the time chatting instead of working, like we were supposed to, I was about to explode.
If there is even a tiny chance he feels the same, I wanted to take a risk. What I was getting wasn't enough. I wanted more. From him. And I wanted to know if he was willing to give that to me.
So I spoke up.
He listened attentively. But politely declined by saying he never considered it. And then listed a bunch of excuses as to why the timing was off.
That night, I let out all the built-up tension and hope in a stream of tears. And I came to a conclusion.
He didn't want it. Therefore, it wasn't him.
The Right One would've given a different response.
I'm glad I just told him. After that, we went on as if nothing happened, but over time, we spoke less and less.
Today, we're not speaking at all.
When to *Not* confess anything
Crushing on or catching feelings for someone who is already in a relationship? Back off. Break down whatever you may think you're feeling.
Nothing good will come from this.
Even if they ditch their current partner to start something with you, you're building on an unstable foundation. The two of you were sneaking around, knowing you were hurting third parties, knowing it's not okay.
You'll always wonder if the other person'll do the same to you. The answer is: probably.
Trust is the basos of any relationship.
Without that, there is nothing.
Screw regret
If the other person is interested at all, you'll know after speaking up. This omits any future regret.
They can't mind-read or guess how you feel. For all you know, they feel the same.
If things aren't moving along fast enough according to you, maybe you and the other person are not on the same timeline.
If they don't feel the same? Then you have your answer.
You can finally start to detach. And spend your energy on someone who does desire it.