I want to eat and sleep. That's all I seem to want to do these days. My eyes are drowsy all the time, my mouth thirsty and belly empty. It drizzles here in Ontario one day and then it's dry and hot the next day. On the weekends, this little downtown of Barrie wakes up but goes back to sleep on weekdays. Sleep is energy.

I yawn as I write this. I yawn as I catch parts at the factory. I yawn as I think of going fishing tomorrow. I bought a new car — an old new car — a few weeks ago but I am too scared to drive it too much. What if the car dies? I ask myself. I think I see myself in that car. I assume it wants to eat and sleep all day. What if it just wants to go…on and on and on…and it will die if it doesn't get to go? Who can tell? The mechanic couldn't and neither could all the people online. Some cars seem to be young forever while some get old early. When you buy an old new car, you gamble. I did too. I gambled because I thought that with a car in my life, I would have more time and mobility and I could get more reading and writing and networking done. But all I have done is eat and sleep more.

I have spent more time thinking about why, what and how I should write instead of writing. But I have glimpsed the answers to those questions only while I have written playing with that one tiny strand of hair on my mustache. Gone is everything from my life. Movies, books. Music is back though, now that I have started driving. I had lots of movies and books in my life when I had lots and lots of free time. Now I don't like them because consuming them would mean compromising with my sleep.

A co-worker told me today that another co-worker no longer works in the factory because he was diagnosed with stage-3 cancer. The news hit me hard even though I wasn't even that close to the man. For ten minutes after that, I couldn't take his image off my head. I recalled everything he did, from the way he dressed to the way he talked and imagined what he would be doing now. I felt no hunger or sleep while I thought of the man and of cancer. People are much like cars. Some go on and on and on while some perish without reason. Who can tell how far one gets to go? The doctors can't and neither can all the people online. Doctors are mechanics of human body if you think about it. I know it's not a great and unique observation but it can be a great sentence for contemplation.

I wanted to write so much but I am so tired that I just want to make that chicken curry, eat it and sleep.