Our administration is stupid

We need to protest for more washer machines in the dorms

These are the kinds of "issues" I hear about everyday on campus.

Maybe it's because I go to a college in which people protest because the scratch paper isn't white enough.

I'm all for white paper, I love it actually — and I'm sure my parents would be ecstatic to know this is what their money goes towards.

I used to think the reason people paid thousands of dollars for college was that they actually wanted to learn something. Now I know I was blatantly incorrect.

Drinking beer, smoking, and protesting for bigger laundry rooms are the reasons.

Only an ignoramus would think that people actually went to college to learn. Reading a book that's not required for your class? Treason!

It's not like there are thousands of kids who want to get a good education but can't attend college because they have to work two jobs in order to support their parents. That's just a bunch of fake news.

Worrying about where to get your next meal? Cities that are dangerous? Not knowing where you're going to go to sleep tonight?

Why can't CNN actually report on some real problems for a change.

Like why my professor assigned me so much homework last night.

I'm glad I've become so much more smart during my time at college.

In fact, next time I drive over to Whole Foods in my Space Gray BMW and the cashier asks me whether I'd like to donate to a phony charity to support the local shelters — I'll just respond by asking her if she's seen the size of the laundry rooms at my dorm recently.

A real problem