I went to the gym today because I realized that sitting in front of the computer for hours and not leaving your house isn't great. Writers need to keep their bodies in shape so that their fingers can type better. It's basic stuff.

So there I was, powering through my leg day workout — I was surprised they could handle so much weight after a week-long writing holiday. As my legs slowly died, I noticed all of my fellow gym-goers around me.

That's when it hit me like a barbell.

Writers are like lifters. Sweat is like syntax. Musings are like muscles. Ink is like iron. And plot twists are like Romanian deadlifts.

Gymgoers are like writers. Except they put all their strength into steel instead of prose.

And both of them, without fault, fall into one of the following archetypes:

1. The Caffeine Junkie and The Pre-Workout Prophet

Being ready to go isn't for everyone. Especially not for these guys. They need their quick fix of stimulation before they can start anything.

Whether it's caffeine or creatine, both the writer and bodybuilder rely on a constant source of fuel to get them working.

No coffee? No words. No shake? No gains.

2. The Procrastination Prodigy and The Social Butterfly Lifter

Look busy, but do nothing. That's the motto of these masters of distraction. Those who excel at making avoidance of actual work look like a job.

We're talking writers who spend hours making spreadsheets of their potential pieces, or 'researching' topics that are trending. The ones who sip their coffee while they indulge in some good old comment section drama (yes, this counts as research).

They are the hot girl who spends her time saying hi to all her friends at the gym and hovering over her boyfriend while he does 3 reps, really arduously. She must do some exercise because her body is in shape, but it isn't at the gym for sure. Maybe she was just cursed with a hot bod…

3. The Midnight Typer and The Ghost Lifter

Ah, the midnight owl and silent lifter. They find their peak performance in mysterious environments — at the crack of dawn in a dimly lit attic or under an all-black sweatpants set, hood up at all times.

While one writes under an alias like 'Londongurl13' or 'CipherBotX', the other manages to withstand the sweat-show under his invisibility cloak of clothes. Points for cardio and camouflage.

4. The Plot Twist Acrobat and The One-More-Rep Warrior

These are the OG junkies. No caffeine or creatine. Just a relentless thirst for pushing boundaries.

Did you think they were finished? They didn't. Here comes another round!

5. The Stationary Hoarder and The Equipment Hoarder

There is always that one person who loves to be prepared. Or is terrified of not being prepared. So naturally, they hoard all the material available.

Like all the pencils, or cable inputs. Or all the weights of all sizes, just in case they need to lower down at some point.

The best part is they will 'use' all the equipment while not using them at all. But they will need it at some point so… you'll just have to wait…

6. The Loud Thesaurus and The Grunter

No one screams 'Look at me' better than these guys. Masters of their craft, and masters at checking their stats every 5 minutes. They provide and they do not hide!

Just like flamboyant peacocks, these people want to be seen. They grunt so loudly that you can't not look at them (because you think they may be dying, and you're genuinely concerned). And their words are so expensive that you can't not read them (nor can you understand them).

7. The Tech Wizard and The Fashion Style Icon

For these people, having the wrong typewriter is like wearing the wrong sports shoes.

It just won't do.

Their accessories are part of their brand. People expect them to be sporting the latest gadgets when they roll into the coffee shop to work on their new novel, as much as they expect to envy their latest workout set at the gym.

The latest AirPods and printed leggings are a statement, not an extra.

8. The Grammar Nazi and The Form Police

Did I hear a siren? No? Just another unsolicited 'excuse me, can I help you?'.

Personal trainers and editors exist. But these gems take it upon themselves to do their jobs for them. We love them, but can't stand them. Can you see their eyes doing that thing again? Correcting you with their laser police retinas?

The best part is when they correct you incorrectly. Thanks, Karen.

9. The Genre Chameleon and the Regime Roulette

There are always those who can't seem to make up their mind. It's true-crime today and a heartfelt relationship listicle tomorrow. Maybe a little dense poetry on Wednesday and some tech advice on Thursday.

The same goes for those kicking steel. Zumba on Monday, CrossFit on Tuesday, some supersets on Wednesday, and then pyramid training the next day. Oh and obviously some Yoga in there too and then a nice 10k at the end of the week to finish it all off.

She can dance, she can sing, what can't she do?! (All of it properly)

10. The Twitter Star and The Gym Influencer

This archetype can make its way into just about anywhere. They're sexy and they know it, and they're not afraid to show it!

One tweet brings a month's worth of clout. And a month's worth of articles about said tweet that brought said clout.

And of course, your all-time favorite, the sexy person staring at their flex in the mirror (occupying important mirror space), and worst of all, taking selfies in said workout space.

11. The Fart Writer and The Actual Farter

The winner (not that there was a competition to begin with) has to be the farter. Kind of like Joey Tribianni's "fart acting". Except for writing. Like real bad prose. Real forced sh*t. You can smell it and it burns the eyes if you look at it for too long.

Almost as gag-worthy as the actual gym farter. The person who squats just a little too long, or pushes a little too hard. The one who really shouldn't have eaten a full English breakfast (baked beans and all) before going to the gym.

So there you have it folks. Now please enlighten me — which personality are you? Or better yet, which personality did I miss?

Comment (or fart) in the comments.

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