by: E.B. Johnson

Life is a long and perilous journey, and as it continues, we have a habit of picking up all kinds of baggage along the way. This baggage comes from the adverse experiences we undergo, as well as the various traumas that trickle down and stack up as we navigate our lives. It can weigh us down and hold us back, but the problem is compounded even further when we start to pick up the heavy emotional baggage of other people.

No matter how much we might care for someone, it is not our responsibility to look after their emotional wellbeing for them. Our baggage is heavy enough to carry without adding the weight of someone else's experiences. If we truly want to build a future that is full, stable and fulfilled — we have to accept the fact that we are responsible for our journey alone. Let go of that empath urge to fix it all and spend this time focusing on yourself. Only when you truly know who you are and what you want, can you empower yourself to change.

It's easy to take on other people's baggage.

It's incredibly easy to take on other people's baggage, especially when it comes to the people that we love. Watching someone you care about suffer is hard, and it can make us uncomfortable and miserable in our own way. In those moments, we're likely to extend ourselves, and do what we can to alleviate their pain. This can cross a line, however, especially if you're someone with a tendency to care too much.

Like it or not, some people have a greater tendency to take on the pain and burdens of others, and these people are commonly known as empaths. Empaths are those who are deeply able to understand and relate with the feelings of others. To them, perspective doesn't matter. They feel what other people feel and take on their suffering in an effort to alleviate it.

Empaths love people, but they can often find themselves overwhelmed by them — especially when it comes to taking on emotional baggage. When we're not careful, those of us with empathic tendencies can find ourselves drowning in a sea of anxiety, misery and hopelessness; all a result of our inability to compartmentalize and detach. In order to to protect ourselves, we have to bolster our boundaries and embrace the fact that the only person's happiness we are responsible for is our own.

But it erodes the quality of life we're trying to build.

It doesn't matter how badly you want to help someone, it's just not possible to resolve their pain for them. With this in mind, we can only overcome our tendency to take it all on by understanding the toxic effects and how they undermine our happiness.

Overstimulation

Overstimulation is terribly corrosive and can drive us into an almost trauma-like response. When we're overstimulated, we feel overwhelmed by everything. Emotions become bigger and more exaggerated; then our reactions follow suit. Being overstimulated pushes us to the brink, and taking one too many pieces of someone else's emotional baggage can often be enough to push us beyond the point of return when it comes to our lives, our careers and even the relationships we're build.

Losing authenticity

Authenticity is key in building a life that is both aligned with our deeper purpose and capable of providing us with both security and fulfillment. When we lose our authenticity, we lose sight of those parts of life which can bring us true joy. We all have different outlooks on life, and we all have different things that we need from this life. Embracing those things allows you to live authentically and without fear.

Fraught relationships

While we think that our empath capabilities will make relationships easier, they can actually complicate our bonds in a number of ways (if not carefully managed). You might care too much about your friend or loved one and try too hard to help them solve a problem they aren't fully ready to embrace. Likewise, you might come to see issues as bigger conflicts than they — causing you to push harder; or push things too far while seeking a resolution.

Intuition on the fritz

Our intuition is important, but it can become bogged down and overwhelmed by the amount of emotional baggage you take on from the world at large. You can think of other people's hangups a bit like clouds. The more of them that you allow to float over the boundary line, the more they block and obscure the future. A heart and mind heavy with other people's problems is not one that can sense and feel where it is needed.

Collapsing self-care

Self-care is a crucial part of maintaining both our health and mental happiness across the years. Though we might have come to see this process as selfish, nothing could be further from the truth. Self-care enables us to get back in touch with our core needs and make sure that we're fulfilling those deepest parts of our personal interests and desires. When you spend your life in service of only others, it leaves no time to see to your own needs.

Signs you're carrying someone else's baggage.

Unsure if you're holding on to an emotional weight that someone else should be bearing? These are the most common signs that you've your hands on someone else's luggage.

Need to isolate

Are you consumed by an overwhelming need to run away, or further isolate yourself from the world and the people that you love? It can be an indication that you're taking on more than you can handle. When we pick up the emotional baggage of other people, it weighs us down and makes us feel sad, lethargic and even hopeless. In order to safeguard our own happiness, we have to learn to set a barrier between ourselves and the baggage of other people.

Volatility and mood swings

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Clear your mind and just be present in the moment for a minute. When you're ready, take a step back and take a detached look at your mood. If we're carrying too much, we tend to get volatile and more tempestuous mood-wise. Whether you realize it or not, the feelings other people project on you take a direct toll on your mental state and the emotions therein. Struggle to carry too much weight, and you'll find yourself dealing with mood swings and volatility.

Physiological reactions

The physiological symptoms that your body exhibits around certain people are important. Though they are important, however, many of us are quick to dismiss the signs or downplay them. If you find that you experience physical symptoms like headache, muscle pain, fatigue and nausea in the presence of someone — make a note of it. Likewise, you might find that you get wound up, or depleted by other individuals. These can be signs that these people project certain emotions on to you (either consciously or subconsciously).

Loss of self

When we completely invest all of our time and all of our energy into other people, we lose touch with ourselves. There's no time to pursue passions, interests or ideas when you spend every hour in your day grinding yourself down to the bone in the service of others. In order to be well-rounded and fulfilled human beings (capable of deep and compassionate love) we have to be authentic and free to identify and pursue the things which drive us on an individual level.

Flooding of needs

Have you noticed a complete tidal wave of outward catering that has swept up your own needs, entirely? When the things require remaining happy and healthy disappear beneath a wave of emotional labor (done in the name of someone else) we lose little bits of ourselves and the ability to meet our own needs. The longer you give away your time and energy to others, the less there is left for yourself. Life is all about learning to find the balance between taking care of yourself and helping others without crossing the line.

The best ways to let go of your need to take on more than you should.

You don't have to take on the pain, pressures and hangups of the people around you forever. It's okay to set boundaries, and it's okay to increase your awareness and return the emotions you can't deal with. There's nothing wrong with saying, "no" and there's nothing wrong with saying, "not right now." Use these basic techniques to get yourself back to the point of security.

1. Setting the boundaries that count

The first step in letting go of the baggage of others is to bolster your boundaries and find your inner strength. Our boundaries are the limits by which we define our relationships and the terms of our lives. They impact everything from how we love, to how we work. They're crucial; but so many of us push them to the side in the name of picking up emotional baggage that isn't ours to carry.

You have to learn to set limits that protect your own emotional security by developing a shield body, which takes the emotional hits for you and gives you the strength to stand firm and fend off the negative emotional attacks of others.

Spend some time focusing on the negative aspects of your empathic nature and what you want to change. Look at how people treat you and how it prevents you from achieving the things that mean most to the future that you're building. Study how you've been held back by other people's hangups, and commit to being more aware of your emotions, your thoughts and the influence that the heaviness of others can have on you within those systems.

2. Closing up the gaps in emotions

A great many of us have little awareness of our emotions, or the moods that guide them. We live in a world of constant reactions, where feelings reign as king and we find ourselves often landing in a world of unhappiness. This is because we are meant only to be guided by our emotions — not mastered by them. The more familiar you become with them, the more apparent this truth will reveal itself to be.

Take a regular emotional inventory and get to the core of your own emotional needs so you don't feel a compulsion to see to those of others. Learn how to get comfortable with your feelings and learn how to label them for what they are and the value that they bring you.

Start recognizing what emotions are yours and what emotions are being inspired or otherwise instilled in you by others. Taking on the emotional baggage of others often means that we lose sight of how we're really feeling. Use your new familiarity to differentiate between what is yours and what isn't. Detach from those things that are not your responsibility and embrace the rest. After all, there's a purpose to our emotions. We just have to have the courage and patience to sit down and listen to them.

3. Increasing awareness levels

Many of us take on the heavy emotional weight of the people that we care for without even knowing. This can occur through natural acts of compassion, or great feats of empathy. Whether they happen slowly over time, or all at once, it doesn't matter. The more we take on, the harder it is for us to function. We have to increase our awareness in these instances and use that awareness to strengthen our boundary lines.

Increase your awareness levels when it comes to your mind, body and spirit. Notice how your moods change and how various environments and people affect you. Pay attention to how your body reacts when you cross a line you know you should avoid.

We can increase our awareness gently and over time by spending a little alone time with ourselves every day. In this time, we can use techniques like meditation and journalling to get closer to our core truths and the things we require to meet our needs. Find a technique that allows you just to be present and alone with your body. Pay attention to what you feel. As this awareness grows, carry it out with you into the world and tap into it every time you react or interact with your environment and the people who inhabit it.

4. Returning what can't be coped with

The fact of the matter is that you don't have to accept the emotional baggage of the people around you — no matter what space they occupy in your life, or what they have going on. Each of us is dealing with a number of complicated elements when it comes to life, and it's not always possible for us to help others without compromising ourselves. You are allowedto say "no" and you're allowed to return the baggage that you cannot carry.

If you're approached by someone you love with a power you can't handle, it's okay to say "Not right now." Life is tough and times are challenging. We have a finite amount of emotional energy in us. It's just not possible to do all the emotional labor for all the people, all the time.

Be kind. Be compassionate. But express that you are not in the right place to take on more pain than what you are currently dealing with at the moment. Hard as it might be to walk away from someone who is hurting, we can do more harm than good if we are not in the right state of mind or the right state of life. Return what you can't cope with, but do it kindly and with regard for the human sitting across from you. If you can point them in the direction of someone who can help, do so.

5. Embracing the journey that matters

There is only one journey in this life which you can control, and therefore only one journey which matters: your own. You cannot fix someone else's internal pain for them, nor can you change them, or repair them, or make them whole. We are all responsible for filling those holes inside of us, and we alone are responsible for manifesting the action that leads to our authentic happiness.

Stop thinking that you can bear enough pain to "fix" someone you love. Drop the illusions of Atlas and stop believing that you're some de-caped superhero. We all have heavy emotional baggage, and we're each responsible for either getting rid of it or carrying it on our own.

Embrace the empowering reality that you are on a road of your making. Understand that we all have varying degrees of difficulty to travel through, but that we alone are the ones who can carry ourselves to the finish line. Let go of the uphill battles in the name of other people's pain. Avoid putting your needs to the side in the pursuit of someone else's joy. Take care of yourself and become a better version of who you are if you want to create a better world.

Putting it all together…

It's easy to take on the emotional baggage of others, but it's not always so easy to let it go. We want to take on the suffering of the people that we love, but it only serves to erode our own happiness while preventing their ultimate healing and resolution. If we truly want to build a future that is secure, stable and happy, we have to let go of the pain we are holding for others and see to resolving our own.

Set boundaries that count and don't be shy about sticking to them. Know when to say no and do it often. Don't shy away from getting the time and space you need to process and deal with your own emotions and stress. Close up the gaps in your feelings and get comfortable sitting with them rather than constantly running in the direction of someone else's baggage. The more awareness you build of self and your own emotions, the more efficiently you will be able to process them and bolster your personal resolve. We don't have to hold on to the emotional baggage of our partners and family members. Our journey is the only one we are responsible for. Take a deep breath and let go. Return those things which are not yours and embrace the only way forward that matters: your own. The future is yours. Build it in your own image.