Relationships | Dating
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You spot her from across the room.
She's beautiful.
You want to talk to her.
You're trying to think of what to say as your opening line.
You run a few simulations in your head because you don't want to screw this up.
The more time you spend trying to think of the perfect way to start talking to her, the more anxious you start to feel.
Your palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
You chicken out, go home to eat mom's spaghetti, and never see her again for the rest of your life.
We've all been there.
But what if I told you that you didn't have to go through all that nerve-wracking anxiety in order to meet women? What if I told you that you don't need to "approach" women like that at all?
This might seem like it flies in the face of previous advice I've given about approaching women, but you don't actually need to do the whole "cold approach" thing.
I barely do it anymore myself, but I still regularly meet new women.
How? Dating apps?
Not really. Dating apps like Tinder and Bumble suck compared to meeting women in real life.
You have about a million times more competition on those apps, and hiding behind a screen to try your opening lines just pushes you further into a certain kind of comfort zone that could make it even harder for you to have a face-to-face conversation with a woman.
As I tell all my clients, your efforts on dating apps should only ever be supplemental to your efforts in meeting women face-to-face in real life.
Well, doesn't meeting women face-to-face in real life mean approaching? Yes, but you can approach without approaching, so to speak.
How I "approach without approaching"
As I describe in my book, I leverage a phenomenon called Social Momentum.
Whenever you encounter an opportunity to socialize or interact with anyone, there's an angel on one of your shoulders, and a devil on the other. The angel tells you to join in and make a connection, but the devil tells you not to bother anyone.
Pass by someone wearing a cool t-shirt of a band that you're a huge fan of? The angel might tell you to give a compliment and a high five, but the devil might tell you to keep it to yourself because that person will think you're a weirdo.
Overhear two people talking about a topic you're passionate about? The angel might tell you to politely interject with a comment of how you love that topic, but the devil might tell you not to interrupt their conversation for any reason.
Every time you listen to the little devil on your shoulder, you become more and more emotionally shut down, making it harder for you to start socializing with anyone. Every time you listen to that angel, however, you build more and more "social momentum," making it easier for you to socialize naturally without any hesitation or awkwardness.
If I'm on my way to any social venue or event, I keep this concept in mind and make sure to ignore that little devil, and listen to the angel. Before I know it, I effortlessly find myself in conversations with women that I suddenly realize are very attractive, but it's like I never approached them in the first place (more details on how to utilize social momentum in my book).
Crossing social bridges
Another huge way that I meet a lot of women is through my social circles. I meet a lot of women who are friends of friends. And it's something that you or anyone can do just as easily.
However, it takes time to build up your social circles and communities. In other words, it takes time to build friendships. It's totally worth doing that.
You can still use the same social circle concepts to meet new women even if you don't know anyone at the party you're at, though.
How?
- First, use social momentum to start talking to literally anyone.
- Treat the people you talk to with kindness and respect. Treat them as if they were your friends. Congratulations. They are now your friends.
- If anyone else — e.g. a woman you find attractive — starts talking to those people, ask to be introduced.
This simple 3-step process eliminates a lot of potential problems that exist in traditional "cold approaching" because you have social proof.
Try these strategies for yourself and let me know how it works for you!
There are so many ways to simplify your dating life like this, making it easier than ever to fill your life with women and love. If you're in need of a personalized strategy to make that happen for you, email me at mike@neverlonelybook.com to see if we'd be a good fit for coaching.
How do you meet people? How did you meet partners before? Tell me your experiences in the comments!