"You're a long-term single," my friend Marina said. "What makes you think that?" I asked, puzzled. "Well, after you've been out of a relationship for five years, that's pretty obvious." Marina was right, but her words still hit me hard. Actually, I didn't want to be single anymore. I enjoyed and loved my life, but the longing for the second half at my side grew bigger and bigger.
"It can't go on like this," I decided about seven years ago and from then on I regularly stormed the bookshop. I bought half the shelf in the single guide section and devoured one work after the other.
Tips and tricks on how a woman has to behave in order to get through to men, rules of communication and the art of flirting were what I was absolutely hooked on afterwards. And yet my love life continued to be a disaster . Or rather simply not available.
The five love languages
Eventually, though, I came across a book that was actually intended for couples. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. According to Gary, there are five love languages . Each of us speaks one or more of these. By learning your partner's language and then showing them love through gifts, behavior, or actions, they will feel more loved again. Figuratively speaking, this is how you fill your partner's love tank.
Since I didn't have a partner on whom I could have tried out the newly learned love languages, but instead had an extremely empty love tank , I started an experiment. I learned the five languages and sent their declarations of love to myself.
Experiment love gifts
The experiment was a success after only a short time. My love tank was suddenly full. I stopped looking for love on the outside because I felt loved from within . Suddenly I was sure that soon someone would come into my life who would love me from the bottom of my heart. And that's how it happened.
In the following instructions, I describe how my experiment with love gifts looked like and how you, regardless of whether you are single or in a partnership, can fill up your love tank yourself.
5 love gifts for you!
I believe that most people speak several love languages. Therefore, in this experiment, I recommend that you send yourself at least one declaration of love language . In the instructions you will find ideas for the first five days. You can then extend the experiment depending on your preference and effect.
Day 1: Words of appreciation and love
Those who speak this love language feel love when they are praised by others or receive compliments. He needs human approval to keep his love tank full. " I can live for two months on a nice compliment. *Mark Twain
Idea for the declaration of self-love:
Ask yourself: What do you deserve praise and compliments for? And then grab a pen and paper and write yourself a letter of praise.
For example: Dear me! What I particularly like about myself: My stamina, my willingness to help, that I am a good listener, that I have a pretty smile or an obliging manner, that I can paint/dance/photograph/sing/plan/walk etc. well.
Day 2: togetherness
People who speak this language feel loved when someone gives them their undivided attention . It is amazing that we often expect our fellow human beings to listen to us carefully, while we rarely listen to our innermost thoughts.
Idea for the declaration of self-love:
Consciously take time for yourself. Yes, for you alone. Listen to your thoughts and ask interested and loving questions. Just like you would with a good friend. Feel inside yourself and try to name your feelings.
- What is on my mind at the moment? What is my focus?
- What am I missing? What do I wish for?
- Which feelings are in the foreground? Are they pleasant or more of a burden?
- What can I do to make myself feel better? what do i need now
Day 3: Gifts that come from the heart
Those who master this love language are not only happy about attention in the form of loving gifts, but also feel extremely loved when they receive gifts.
Idea for the declaration of self-love:
Just give yourself a gift today! Choose a thoughtful gift and a greeting card. Wrap it up lovingly and maybe buy a bouquet of flowers as well. It sounds a bit quirky, but it's a lot of fun and also fills up your love tank.
Day 4: Helpfulness
People whose main language is helpfulness feel loved when they are offered help and support.
Idea for the declaration of self-love:
Helping other people can fill us with benevolent love from within. But if we only ever give and if we don't get anything in return, this often leads to the opposite. We are frustrated and feel drained. To avoid this, it is best to invest your willingness to help in something or in people who are guaranteed to be happy about your commitment.
Examples: Visit senior citizens in a nursing home, support a voluntary organization, offer your 70-year-old neighbor or a frail friend your help with the shopping, get involved with children's cancer aid, conjure up a delicious meal and give to the beggar on the next street corner or to other needy people something from that…etc.
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Day 5: tenderness
All those who speak the language of tenderness feel loved when they are touched, caressed, hugged or kissed.
Idea for the declaration of self-love:
Regardless of whether you are single or taken, there is usually far too little tenderness in everyday life. Therefore, just give yourself a hug in between. For example, right after getting up. Get yourself a self -pet too. If that seems strange to you, you can also apply a body lotion to your body with pleasure and mindfulness. And before you leave the bathroom, you could kiss your reflection in the mirror.
The power of self love
"Love yourself and it doesn't matter who you marry," says Eva Maria Zurhorst. And I agree with her opinion. Because if we manage to satisfy our longing for love with love gifts, then nothing stands in the way of our happiness.