"The White House on Friday pushed back against some Republican senators who expressed outrage at President Joe Biden's new student loan relief program." — Newsweek, July 22, 2023
- Solar-powered dildo made from quinoa husks.
- Vacation in a furry-only hotel with choice of private or shared litter box.
- Ketamine therapy/spa/orgy.
- Weapons for the War on Christmas.
- Neck tattoo of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez beating an American flag with a crucifix.
- Membership in Gwyneth Paltrow's "vagina gym."
- Fetus vaccine that spreads Critical Race Theory in utero.
- Decorations for an adult gender-reveal party.
- Kombucha shopping spree.
- Lavender oil for my homemade beard wax.
- Copies of Hillary Clinton's biography for my thruples-only book club.
- Seed capital for chain of drag queen abortion clinics.
- Leon Trotsky bobblehead doll for my collection of Communist statuettes.
- Yarn for hand-crocheted rainbow unitards.
- Laboratory for Antifa scientists to aerosolize "woke mind virus."
- Sequins to bedazzle costumes for my TikTok influencer cat, Ru Paw.