There has never been a time when workplace gossip has both been more important to employees' collective sanity and yet also so very much more difficult to conceal than it is right now.

In past times there was that euphemistically named huddle around the water cooler — which was really a crowd smoking crowded around the building entrance, or a suspicious looking bunch of whispering 'coffee makers' in the kitchen— where the only security concerns were who was in earshot or who was observing from afar — but now it's so much more complicated.

You see, with the long awaited move to proper and sustainable remote working¹, the thankful reduction in frankly pointless business travel, and a general movement away from in person meetings (unless they're absolutely necessary²), we (that's all of us, not just the technical people) have developed at least some skill in making online meetings and messaging actually work such that they have now become the new online gossip conduits of choice.

We now have a plethora of options, although with various levels of inherent privacy. With everything from social media, company messaging systems such as Teams and Slack, to private messaging such as Skype, FaceTime, Messages, and even mobile phones and text messages³ to exchange important information, HR "confidential" information, and of course the aforementioned gossip.

Social Media Insecurity

Of course, posting workplace gossip on social media has always been a bit of a recipe for disaster.

Even HR usually has something about it in the company handbook, though one doubts if they apply those rules to their own Instagram presence when off piste in Benidorm or Lanzarote. All from anecdotal experience⁴, of course.

Even if you think it's private and you've actually checked your subscriber or follower list — you only have to scan the actual outside world real style media for the fun (and often frolics) that are highlighted (and exposed, literally) in the frankly technically incompetent and torrid world of business.

Usually it ends up in court.

Slack Teams

Anything work sponsored, recommended, or even mandated should also be raising a raft of red flags up your personal flagpole⁵.

In fact the more recommended it is the more probably it's locked down to within an inch of its life like a 1960s East German Cold War safe house. And, more importantly, the more time the notional head of IT, VP of HR, and fancifully titled CTO spend reading through your message transcripts and watching your recorded "confidential" 1–1 meetings during their weekly catchups.

End-to-End Fun⁵

So, we're left with the more secure means of communication from the cheap and cheerful likes of Skype (with un-killable Bing Bot), FaceTime, Messages, Telegraph, and Telegram.

No-one who isn't giving away furniture or procuring some kind of services uses Facebook Messenger, besides, don't you read the news?

Via these often end-to-end encrypted channels the proletariat can gossip away about the various facts of company business — who earns what, who submitted what for expenses, and just what the CTO is doing with that long extension lead that leads out of the window and down to the parking garage all day.

Be Aware What You Share

But what is there to gossip about in the modern office, considering that in most cases the vast majority of the organisation (excluding middle-management) are now working remotely?

Well, it used to be that the majority of gossip was about people's relationships, who did what and when kind of thing, what they're wearing, why what they're wearing is the same as yesterday kind of thing.

Now, though, as we're all far better at digital communication, or so the non-technicals believe about themselves, there is just so much more stuff going on.

For example, pretty much everything company related is in one chat channel or another, is recorded by Teams, saved on OneDrive⁶ or Confluence, or is accidentally screen shared by the head of HR where all kinds of nuggets of valuable information can be quickly snapshotted and reposted on another channel.

Accidental reposts of chat histories abound, inadvertent copies of 'restricted' spreadsheets remain attached to errant send lists, first drafts of company memos can peep at us from slipped finger quick views, they are all hanging around somewhere waiting to be revealed.

Information can even be extracted purposefully by asking a project manager to share there scrum board so that when they inadvertently share their whole desktop rather than just the specific browser window — and you can see what their desktop has to offer in terms of saved files, downloaded items, and a general insight into the crazed Desktop saving mind.

Equally, sharing a browser can be a minefield for the accident prone manager droid when they forget what tabs they have open as the titles alone can be an embarassing giveaway — everything from Ebay to Facebook, LinkedIn to OnlyFans, it's all there.

Most interesting is when a manager switches to Google, or better search engine, and begins to search for something and a whole drop down list of suggested completions gives an all too revealing insight into their previous searches.

Oh, and pop-up notifications, they're just golden — especially if they include the first few words of an email, instant message, or chat.

The head of HR is giving a company presentation and hasn't activated Do Not Disturb when a notification arrives, "LOL! The CEO does smell like a dustbin on a hot summer day!!" or perhaps, "Dave is getting canned tomorrow, don't tell anyone!". Dave the Agile Evangelist forces a smile as everyone in the Teams meeting focuses in on him instead of the HR bot's PowerPoint.

The project manager is half way through today's virtual standup, "Mail from FakeAgileCertifications.XXX : Your order has shipped!"

I'm sure you've seen a few yourself.

I'm In Your Barrel, Shooting Your Fish

It's not longer the social in person aspects, it's pretty much every facet of your life that's up for grabs in the Grand Game of Software Engineering, especially those that aren't quite up to snuff with their digital game.

Although you must be very careful not to be caught out yourself, it can be immense fun to send yourself a fake notification or two during a presentation or team meeting.

"Message from Recruiter Droid : Congrats Stuart, the client will match your request for €200k as long as you can start immediately"

"Mail from DrBob@developerhospital.com : Stuart, it's my sad duty to inform you…"

"Oops, sorry, I'll just mute those!" I say quickly, <clickety-click>.

Like with recruiters, always leave the management ranks wanting more…

[1]: From those employers than actually trust and value their employees.[2]: The already dated and tired doctrine of HR departments and middle-managers everywhere. [3]: It sounds so very dated now saying mobile phones and text messaging doesn't it? At least I didn't say SMS. That, in fact, was my first choice. [4]: With company departments: HR are most likely to be on Instagram, the more technical people on Twitter, conspiracy theorists and marketing on Facebook, and sales (still) on MySpace. No-one over the age of 18 or who reads the security implications use TikTok, naturally. [5]: Stoppit. Oh, Matron! [6]: OneDrive, isn't that all Windows machines can handle these days?