A short, grubby tale of woe I wish I could forget…
"Wow! She's beautiful!" I spontaneously said out loud. People around me heard. I didn't care.
Her black shoulder length hair gleamed in the winter sun. Her cheeks blushed in the chill breeze; her eyes sparkled bright; and her lips shone red on this crisp, frosty-white morning.
A black knee-length coat contoured her curved body and was the perfect length for her height. It drew the eye down naturally to her shapely calves and ankles, enhanced in shear stockings and black 3-inch heels.
I have no excuse and apologise to any ladies reading this. I should have been more respectful. But I just couldn't help staring.
The scene around her actually began to blur. Worse, she appeared to be moving…in slow motion.
Get a grip! I told myself shaking my head back to reality.
Walking in her general direction I was getting closer to this stunning woman.
Hang on, she's changed her path. She's now walking towards me. Did she just glance momentarily this way? At me? No way! Dream on!
My heart quickened anyway. I tried to look away. I pleaded with myself, Don't stare; be cool; be cool! I failed, of course! I'm crap at cool. Just kept looking.
Okay, go on, speak to her. No, I can't! Yes, you can! Can't! Can! Go on, go for it!
She was getting closer. Here was my chance; just beautiful woman and me.
Be brave. Straighten up. Confident look time. Glint in the eye. Cheeky little smile.
She was now within ten strides.
Hang on, my nose: itching. Ignore it. Sniff it up. Don't touch it.
She's just a few metres away now.
Leave the nose. Smile and say something. Just smile and say something. Anything! Speak. Say "Hello". Say something: Now!
Alas, no words. Just a sudden, deep involuntary inhale, extravagant body sway backward, ridiculous torso jolt forward, and then a giant, wet, loud, snorting sneeze.
"Shit!" I exclaimed. I recoiled and looked up.
"Oh no! Fuck!"
Beautiful lady stood there, motionless, stunned. I gawped in horror and disbelief.
A high velocity string of mucus had exited my nose and conjoined my left nostril to her coat. The light-green glistening ooze had locked onto her lapel and strands of aforementioned gleaming hair. I was now physically coupled with stunning woman, but not how I'd dreamt.
Her face, while still beautiful, was now one of hardened granite and showing disturbing signs of really, really, wanting to inflict some serious hurt.
It was at this moment that I reluctantly had to concede, my moment was lost.