Addiction can be defined as a disease that involves complex interactions within brain circuits and external factors that cause destructive consequences and harm. People with addiction participate in compulsive behaviors regardless of the dangerous consequences. There are two main types of addiction at play in relationships with a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Peptide addiction has become a popular topic of conversation among the circles of healing communities that attempt to decipher the root causes of prolonged and exceptionally difficult recovery from emotional abuse at the hands of a narcopath. Understanding it can facilitate recovery and assist in self-realization. Biochemical changes take place in the brain and enhance the addiction to pain and attraction to abusers. When the partner of narcissistic abuse is betrayed and discarded, the obsession intensifies as memories overwhelm their brain. Betrayal keeps serotonin levels low which fuels this obsession and stimulates the production of dopamine which intensifies the compulsive desire. The discard is stressful which increases the production of norepinephrine, a stress hormone, which further complicates the out of control emotional thinking. Love and addictions are both activated in the emotional limbic system, not the neocortex which is the logical thinking part of the brain.

The limbic system contains the hypothalamus which assembles a small amino-acid chain sequence called peptides which are chemical formations with an exact match to every good or bad emotion we may feel. Cells become addicted based on the peptide's intensity and cannot distinguish between positive or negative emotions. In many ways, getting a rush of these little buggers resembles the flood of euphoria after injecting heroin.

And it gets worse. If the cells don't get the addictive peptide they need, part of the peptide is held back by the cell and then secreted back into the bloodstream. It then goes to the brain neurons which send messages to our frontal lobes and subsequently, bring up images from the past. This is often when ruminations and obsessive looping kicks in. We start thinking repetitive thoughts so we can make more of the same peptide that was connected to the emotions we are trying to replicate or experience again. It's a never-ending supply-demand situation that keeps the victim in a constant state of distressing emotional thinking, the brain flooded with chemicals that hijack logical processing abilities, and neural pathways and chemical dysregulation causing uncontrollable and unmanageable emotions. This is one of the reasons why we get stuck in recovery, unable to let go and move on from even the most toxic relationships.

And the Catch -22? When we start to heal, the brain releases more of the negative trauma peptides and we feel the longing for the abuser to ameliorate the pain. We become trauma bonded to our abusers and our brains actually trick us into thinking our love for the narcopath is so strong that we can't live without them.

Relationship addiction is the phenomenon victims of narcissistic abuse experience and is difficult to overcome. It is what makes the post departure/discard such a prolonged and hellish experience.

The narcissist and codependent relationships are essentially two people with trauma history and complementary emotional imbalances who begin to depend on each other to meet their needs for validation, identuty, and happiness, leading to an increasing spiral of destruction for both parties. There is often a logical, cognitive understanding of the dysfunction, but the emotional attachments limit the ability to walk away.

Narcissistic abuse syndrome can look like addiction and can actually release similar chemical reactions as other compulsive obsessions. Narcissistic abuse is a biochemical addiction that is experienced in the same way any other addiction would manifest. Narcissistic addiction intersects with narcissistic abuse. A vulnerable partner may enter into relationships with emotionally unavailable people like narcissists.

Within a relationship with a narcissist, there is a dynamic in place. Addicts and narcissists tend to attract people who have corresponding personalities that tolerate or enable the bad behavior of the narcissist. I have often remarked how my husband and I were two jagged puzzle pieces that alone, were fragmented and broken, but they fit so perfectly together as one.

in most cases, partners of narcissists are love addicts. In order to end up with a narcissist you must idealize him. A healthy person will notice from the beginning that their behavior is abnormal. Narcissist don't have the capacity to love although they often confuse idealization and infatuation with something that resembles it. Their partner is simply a source of narcissistic supply. Narcissists and their partners cohabitate in a shared fantasy. The narcissist lives in a delusion of magical thinking, and their partner is just as delusional. Mentally healthy people don't live in Wonderland, NeverNeverLand, DisneyLand or and fictional storybook land. The narcissists whole lives revolve around the fantasy, and their partner's life revolves around the narcissist.

The narcissist co-opts their partners brain and becomes their internal voice and conscience. The person is hijacked and loses agency over themselves, surrendering to a learned helplessness. Over time, the partner loses their own self and ceases to exist. They have been invaded and consumed. It feels like they cannot live without their narcissist. They need the intermittent reinforcement that comes in the cycle of narcisiistic abuse. They become trauma bonded which is a powerful brand of addiction.

There are different kinds of "love junkies."

Relationship Addicts: Even if they are no longer in love with their partner, they cannot let go. The relationship may affect their health and emotional well being or they may be in danger, but they cannot let go. They are afraid of being alone. They are afraid of change. They lack agency or control over their own lives.

Romance Addicts: These love junkies are addicted to multiple partners. Unlike sex addicts who avoid bonding at all, romance addicts bond with each of their partners even if they are brief or occuring simultaneously. Romance means sexual passion and pseudo-emotional intimacy. They get a high from the rush of the merging but avoid real bonding or intimacy.

Codependent Love Addicts: Of all the types, these are the most common. Because of insecurity and low self-esteem, they try desperately to hold on to the people they are addicted to using codependent behaviors which include enabling, rescuing, caretaking, controlling, and accepting neglect or abuse. They take care of their partners in hopes that they will not leave.

They types of love addiction are many, and many people suffer from one form or another. With the narcissistic relationship, the narcissist engenders a profound addiction in their partner through intermittent reinforcement and other strategies that cause trauma bonding. These chemical reaction in the brain render their victims/volunteers helpless. Although they unwittingly cause these addictions to develop, it appears to be an ingrained predatory behavior that comes naturally.

Like all addictions, relationship addiction can be overcome. It takes awareness, acceptance, a lot of hard work, and support. The important thing to remember is that all addictions hijack a person's life and renders them a slave. If we want true freedom and power over our lives, we muct achieve sobriety and do whatever it takes to maintain it.

The release of my new book, After the Narcopath, marks the 2 year anniversary of my divorce from the man with NPD who hijacked my brain and changed my life forever. I thank him and dedicate it to him since it would never have been possible without 16 years of marriage that was both heaven and hell. He proved to be a better teacher than I ever was, and I am grateful for the opportunity he provided for me to finally learn to love and heal myself.

There is no shame in speaking your truth, even if it is messy. I acknowledge my C-PTSD, addicted brain, and dependent disorder. Trying to overcome it is brave and honorable. I am so much more than what happened to me.

Follow my articles here on medium, listen to my podcast channel, watch my video blog on YouTube, and tap into all the free resources to help you get free and maintain sobriety from your addiction to the narcissist.

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After the Narcopath 1st edition discounted version is available on Amazon Kindle only while editing the paperback version.