I lied to a homeless painter about my happiness.
And I did it after he told me how free he'd become when he started telling the truth.
He used to be a golf professional, but his life was uprooted and rerouted by addiction, greed, unhappiness, fear and a head injury.
Despite it all, he says he's happier now, because he's being his true self.
He said that and then I looked him in the eye, and told him I was totally content and happy in all aspects of my life.
A lie.
The man had barely finished discussing vulnerability and honesty and even as I nodded away, agreeing and seemingly emboldened and inspired by his truthful courage, I did exactly what he said had been suffocating him for so many years, I lied about my feelings.
In retrospect, I realize that when I asked him, 'If you could go back and give your former self advice, what would it be?"
I was asking for me.
Because despite the delayed surprise at my dishonesty, I believe I know subconsciously that the life I'm living is not a truly honest one.
Fake smiles, exagerated niceties and lies about my happiness.
It's hard to be honest about happiness.
And I want to know how to change that — even if it means asking a crazy homeless man for advice — because I think, just maybe, one of the many keys to one of the many doors to happiness is being honest about it.
If you've begun to think that I'm a miserable old bag, I can promise you I'm not.
First of all, I'm a goddamn joy to be around.
Second, in most aspects of my life I'm positively ecstatic.
But there are just a few things I would like to change — and those few things just so happen to be the ones I frequently lie about.
The thing is, I'm afraid too much honesty will label me as one of dreaded characters we're warned about:
- Negative Nelly
- Debbie Downer
What if I get too real about how I feel and suddenly I'm a depressed terror that no one wants to be around?
Or what if The Secret is right and by talking about how I truly feel about everything, I manifest even more unhappiness?
Don't they say, "fake it 'till you make it"?
Under that philosophy, lying to folks about my complete happiness will create more happiness, right?
Seems to me, there is a fine line — a tight rope to walk.
Honesty without complaint
Truth without negativity
Vulnerability without anger
Frankness without disrespect
Sincerity without lies
It is a daunting task but I think a noble one.
To be able to express your feelings freely and with absolute candor AND manage to exclude that woe-is-me, gloomy attitude
What a relief that would be — to be honest about my feelings but not come across as a whiny, millennial asshole.
There are a couple tricks to this art:
- Say it with a smile.
- Stick to exactly how you feel — DO NOT overshare the messy dirty details of why your job/life/relationship/etc. are terrible.
- Explain the unhappiness with a "this too shall pass" kind of attitude.
- Figure out how "this" is going to pass — make an escape plan from your unhappiness, even if it takes a year to get there.
- Remember, if it sounds like you're simply bitching, then you probably are.
Someone once told me that being sad doesn't make you a sad person.
I think that's an important lesson for everyone to remember — being unhappy doesn't mean you're a miserable human being, it just means you are human.
And if you can be totally honest about how you feel with other humans, you just might find that your unhappiness will start to turn around.