Each relationship has its nuances and boundaries; even those engaging in ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, and swinging. Call them rules, call them expectations; just know they are there and need to be discussed before anything outside your relationship happens.

My first polyamorous relationship was a learning experience. There are just some things you can't know until you are living them. Any relationship has to be able to grow and change as the people in it do, none so much as one of these 'alternative' ones.

My ex-husband and I started our relationship as swingers and eventually grew into a more polyamorous lifestyle. Entering into a poly situation, for us, was mostly out of necessity. He worked out of state more often than not. When he was home, there wasn't much time for us to meet other people, much less spend quality time with them.

Neither of us had any desire to be monogamous with one another.

When we did play together, in the beginning, we attended sex clubs and house parties for the most part. Our first group sex experience didn't go the best. I managed to lose him in the bed full of people.

Although I had a number of threesome experiences before we ever met, I had not participated in group sex with more than two other people. It's something that was definitely on my sexual bucket list, but having never experienced it, I wasn't sure exactly what to expect.

After our first experience, one of my requirements would be constant engagement with my partner, or at least to know they were available when I needed them. My husband wasn't understanding about this in the slightest. I came to realize, much later, in his mind, it interfered with his pleasure, so he couldn't be bothered.

Two years into our relationship, with him out of town, I decided I was ready to try swinging on my own. We had a group of friends in the area who hosted house parties once a month. I had been invited numerous times, alone, but turned them down.

This time, I accepted.

I was nervous about how things would play out. There was a lot of trust and friendship between us all, but I had never done anything like this alone. I remembered how untethered I felt when my husband wasn't concerned about my needs during our first orgy and didn't want to experience that feeling again.

Turns out, there was nothing to worry about. The people in attendance were all folks I'd played with before, with my husband present. We had a year or so of friendship and adult fun under our belts with one another. When there's respect, things are so much different.

Knowing your requests will be honored means the world when it comes to situations like this. Everyone must have a level of respect for those they're engaging with. Respect for their decisions, their needs, their desires, and most of all, their ability to say no if necessary.

The couple hosting the party made sure I felt a part of the group, or whatever selection of people I chose. For the most part, I was their third for the night, with others joining in here and there. Not once did I ever feel like a 'fifth wheel' or like I wasn't being cared for.

That night, I ended up experiencing my first orgy with people who cared about what I wanted and needed. It goes a long way to explaining why I'm still friends with everyone who was involved and would gladly attend any party they have again. And why I'm no longer in contact with my ex-husband.

I'm actually dating someone from that group these days, he's one of my boyfriends, 18 years later. We didn't start dating back then, but we remained in contact off and on over the years and decided a little over a year ago that dating was a great idea. Why not? We've pretty much done everything else.

He's the single guy featured in the above story ❤

Attending a sex party without my husband was one of the best choices I ever made, as it gave me the confidence to continue to explore my sexuality within the lifestyle, to open my mind to more within polyamory, and to get where I am today when it comes to the wonderful relationships I'm in — married to my best friend and partner, involved with a couple who I adore and love, and dating a man who has treasured me in some shape or form for close to 20 years.

Non-monogamy may not work for everyone and attending sex parties might not be everyone's idea of a good time, but it's working out pretty smashingly for this lady.