A case for doing less rather than more
I have days when my mind can't stop spinning. I feel like I should do more or that something is missing in my reality.
In those moments, I inevitably start feeling anxious and my whole body becomes tight.
Meditation teacher and psychotherapist Tara Brach, in her speech 'The Blessings of Enough,' says that discontentment creates anxiety and it comes down to something is 'wrong' or 'missing.'
Our survival brain keeps us in a problem-focused mentality, which often manifests through an 'If only' pattern:
- 'if only I had that job;'
- (when you get the job) 'if only they could give me that promotion;'
- (when you get the promotion) 'if only I had a romantic relationship;'
- (when you get a relationship) 'if only we could travel more;'
When I first listened to the speech and decided to draw a list of the things I had been 'leaning forward to' myself, I got scared:
I had arrived at eighteen different things that I had progressively obtained in the last year or so, each time generating a new need or lack (and related discontent.)
Brach suggests a method to halt this cycle of need-generation, which she calls 'RAIN.' This acronym stands for Recognition (of your thoughts), Awareness, Investigation, and Nurturing.
She also recommends to start acknowledging small moments of contentment in your day to day, until it becomes second nature, a trait: the smell of your coffee, a pleasant conversation with a stranger, the rhythmic tapping of your thoughts on the keyboard — once we start paying attention, the possibilities are endless.
In one of the interviews to promote his new book 'The Magic of Surrender: Finding the Courage to Let Go,' Kute Blackson says that we are constantly in a mode where we want to impose our view on our reality; we want to manipulate it.
Well, 'surrendering' in such cases gives space to the eventuality that something more or better or simply different from what we planned could happen.
It opens the door to outcomes beyond our limited beliefs or the constraints of our minds.
When I first graduated from university, I started receiving responses to job applications that, upon closer inspection, I wasn't entirely convinced about.
After turning down the first offer, I received others and found myself questioning, 'Is this really my destiny?' and 'Should I accept these offers even if they don't bring me complete happiness?'
In that moment, I couldn't see any other options, and amid decisional anxiety, I decided to surrender.
A couple of weeks went by and one day I got invited to interview at a dream place I had applied to but hadn't seriously considered due to how distant from my current life it felt.
It was only in that moment that I realized how limited my beliefs had been up until that point and how 'surrendering' had given space to something better than I could have expected.
Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh argues that mindfulness should be a constant practice in our daily life.
However, for those who love a challenge or find it difficult to be mindful during the rush of the workweek, he suggests trying to implement 'a day of mindfulness.'
This practice involves dedicating one day of the week, usually Saturday or Sunday, to being fully present in all the small chores that make up your day — washing dishes, taking a shower, eating a meal.
When I first started experimenting with this practice, I found it very challenging. We are so incredibly attached to our ruminations! Or, to put it more precisely, we feel trapped by them.
However, with consistent practice, I began to sense my doubts, worries, and scattered thoughts gradually dissolve as the day progressed.
'Don't drink your tea like someone who gulps down a cup of coffee during a work break. Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the whole earth revolves — slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this actual moment is life. Don't be attached to the future. Don't worry about things you have to do. Don't think about getting up or taking off to do anything. Don't think about "departing."'
My name is Caterina, a multi-passionate soul, currently on an "exploratory" career break. In my newsletter, Freedom Focus, I share personal insights, challenges and successes from my 2+ year of full-time travel navigating career, relationships and well-being.