Humor, Relationships

I could tell you that I don't like cheese, in which case you might think that I'm not really French. But the reality is that I love cheese, and I was born in the 20th arrondissement of Paris on September 4, 1986, to French parents. I won't tell you the exact time, but it was the middle of the night.

This Wednesday was a big surprise. While browsing the cheese aisle of my usual supermarket, I noticed that my favorite goat's cheese log, the 300-gram Sainte-Maure Soignon log (Family Size), had disappeared from the face of the Earth. To replace it, an incredible 400-gram log (Maxi Size).

Knowing that I live alone and have never heard children screaming in my apartment, I already felt guilty for never having bought the 200-gram log, a format no doubt reserved for hardened bachelors, as is my case at the moment. Should I feel even more guilty now that the 400-gram block of goat's cheese is sitting wisely in one of my refrigerator shelves? Don't judge me, I told you I love cheese!

If you're a woman who dreams of discovering France and Paris, I can invite you to join me for a few days. My 400-gram goat's log and I will be waiting for you. It would help me carry the weight of my guilt. I'm not promising anything, just that you share a piece of cheese with me. It's not the best cheese in France, far from it, but we have our whole lives ahead of us, don't we? I'm not going to break out the silverware on the first date, am I?

If the magic works, it's not impossible that I'll take you to dinner by the Seine or at the foot of the Sacré-Coeur. We could also visit the coast of Brittany. But please don't get your hopes up, and be content with my offer to share a piece of goat's cheese in a small town 45 minutes from Paris. I know it's not a very salesy speech, but what can I say, I've never been much of a salesman. At least with me, you know you're tasting the very best in authenticity. That's worth all the gold in the world, right?

But why on earth am I still asking for your opinion? Come quickly, don't leave me alone with my 400-gram block of goat's cheese. Maybe we'll have a great love story. We won't tell the kids.