It's true! I can guess the size of your sausage to see if it'll fit in my bun. Pun most definitely intended. While Science doesn't have a lot to say on the subject, that doesn't mean a damn thing. I'm going by experience, instinct, and a little bit of scientific evidence.

Wouldn't it be awesome if we could guess the entire outcome of a sexual experience? Like, if we had numbers or bios above our heads rating our sex game? I think that's my life goal. To create a system where you can look at someone, and their digital Aura pops up and says, "Hey! If you have sex with me, prepare to be slain by the last peni-corn!" That's a unicorn…with a penis.

1. The second to fourth digit ratio

"144 men aged 20 years or older who gave informed consent were prospectively enrolled. Right-hand second- and fourth-digit lengths were measured by a single investigator prior to measurement of penile length. Under anaesthesia, flaccid and stretched penile lengths were measured by another investigator who did not measure nor have any the information regarding the digit lengths. Univariate and multivariate analysis using linear regression models showed that only height was a significant predictive factor for flaccid penile length (univariate analysis: r=0.185, P=0.026; multivariate analysis: r=0.172, P=0.038) and that only digit ratio was a significant predictive factor for stretched penile length (univariate analysis:r=-0.216, P=0.009; multivariate analysis: r=-0.201, P=0.024; stretched penile length=-9.201×digit ratio + 20.577). Based on this evidence, we suggest that the digit ratio can predict adult penile size and that the effects of prenatal testosterone may in part explain the differences in adult penile length." — In ho Choi —

Sooooo, your fingers may tell me if you are packing enough meat for a cookout!…crickets…If your pointer is significantly shorter than your index, it's safe to assume you're bigger than average, which is, 5–5 1/2 inches. Holy shit. I honestly thought the average size was a bit bigger than that. I mean, nothing is wrong with a 5 inch dick, for some people.

2. Cockiness (Pun intended)

The old assumption. If you're cocky and arrogant, you're overcompensating for something. In my personal experience, that is 100% always true. There's always a tell; is he just cocky? Or is it big?

It's one of two things. If you are ranting on about your penis with a cocky attitude, you most likely are self-conscious about the size. And if you are cocky and overconfident, and you do have a big penis, then you're probably deficient in bed because the only thing you're proud of is packing a horse dick.

Here's what it boils down to.

• A man who is cocky, arrogant, and focuses too much on his sex appeal — Small dick!!!
• A man who is cocky, arrogant, but doest't sling his manliness around like dick tinsel — Good sized dick! And probably better in bed.

Being cocky and arrogant is one thing; being cocky and arrogant and talking about your dick game, muscles, your thrust skills, etc., you're not fooling anyone.

3. I have eyeballs

Are you a grower, or are you a show'r? Just because it looks small in the pants doesn't mean a damn thing. My ex looked small when flaccid, and that shit grew to 9 1/2 inches with the quick flash of a teet.

You can tell the size of his junk by what he is wearing or chooses to wear, and how he moves when he is turned on.

If a man is wearing tight pants to a bar/party, chances are he either has a small member, or he wants it to look more prominent. But wait. If he wants it to look more prominent in tight pants, that's kind of the same thing as me wearing a padded bra, so my tits look more prominent. fucking deception. Obviously, that's not always the case. If he's wearing sweatpants, however, he needs more room for his precious jewels. It's not a joke, sweatpants reveal a lot, and men know this. That's why they wear them. You can see the shape, and the swang to bang ratio.

The way they move also tells us a lot. But you have to pay attention to where their hand goes because they may have a small penis, but their balls could be huge. In which case, if they need to rearrange something, hand placement is essential. You can usually tell when a man is moving his balls or penis. The only way for this to be efficient is if the person is already turned on. So make sure you flirt with them just enough. Just throw one magic bean down. Save the other two magic beans for the bedroom when you want to see that bean stock grow the entire mass.

4. Card counting!

Do you know what card counting is? I tried to master it in high school, but I only got up to three decks. It's pretty much guessing the outcome of the cards based on the probability of what will pop up next. You know how many cards are in the deck; you know how many face cards there are, etc. So when you pay attention to the cards laid out, you get a better understanding of what is left in the deck; this way, you can make a guesstimate of what the cards will be laid later in the game.

Now. Let's break this down.

"First, the facts. According to a study reported in the journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity, the erect penis size of most men – 68 percent – is between 4.6 and 6 inches long. About 16 percent of men have an erect penis size longer than 6.1 inches, and of those only 2.5 percent are over 6.9 inches. About 16 percent of men have an erect penis size that's shorter than 4.5 inches, with only 2.5 percent of those under 3.7 inches." – Dennis Thompson –

So, if you're looking for something bigger than 6inches and bigger than 7inches, that's close to 18% of men with a decent-sized dick. We also have to take into the account of location.

So. If you want to card/cock count, then you're going to have to take this seriously! If you've read all the information I have given you, then you have approximately a (my brain came up with this. I hate math) 68.9% chance of accurately finding somebody with an above-average penis size. You're welcome.

Climax

While this does seem like satire, and it is, it can actually be pretty accurate. Don't take my words for example, go dick hunting! Also, go check out my book that took me forever to make. I made it for all of you fuckers! It's a highly sexual, kinky, explorative, boundary-pushing activity book.