Women do this thing.

We say things that we don't really mean.

In relationships — specifically at the end of relationships — many of us will say or do things to trigger a particular response, rather than because it's genuinely how we feel.

This is why so many "mutual" breakups aren't actually mutual at all.

If you've been through a breakup that you thought was mutual — only to find that the woman was deeply angry, scorned, and vengeful towards you — here might be what really happened.

A woman might "break up" with a guy who she still wants to be with.

I'll admit, I was interested in a guy in college who wasn't right for me.

We pseudo-dated for a while before I brought up the "what are we" conversation. I remember telling him that based on what had happened between us so far, it didn't seem like the best idea for us to be together.

He didn't really respond. He kind of just grunted or weakly nodded. I forget.

Anyway, what I do remember was feeling dissatisfied with his response.

I didn't know why this was at the time, but in retrospect, I didn't actually want him to agree with me.

I wanted him to put up a fight for why and how we could actually be together.

Women do this all the time.

We are hoping that having the "breakup conversation" will inspire a man to change.

When we tell a guy that we just don't know if we can see a future with him anymore, or that we don't want to waste our time, or that we don't know if it's a good idea to be together anymore — sometimes what we really want is for the guy to fight for us.

Even if we still want to be with said person, we might try to end things just to see how deeply involved they really are.

What we're hoping for is something along the lines of:

"I'm not giving up on us. I'll do whatever you need me to, I can't lose you."

But how often do guys actually come back and say that?

Realistically, if a man has driven you to a point where the only card you have left is ending the relationship — his heart isn't in it.

He's not going to fight for you. He's not going to drop everything to prove his undying love.

If he cared enough about keeping you around, it would never have gotten to the point where you had to threaten to leave just to get his attention.

If he truly valued you as his partner, he would not have left you feeling so dissatisfied with the relationship. He would have cared enough to correct himself and make amends, long before it got to this point.

So if you are thinking of ending a relationship, or initiating the "talk," don't do it in hopes that it will inspire him to change.

If there is one thing that I know for a fact it's this:

A woman cannot change a man who does not want to change for himself.

It doesn't matter what you say, he is not going to move a finger if it isn't something he wants to do.

Final thoughts

When it comes to navigating relationships, always aim to mean what you say and say what you mean.

If what you mean is, "I'm hoping that you'll change in xyz ways if we are going to continue this relationship," then say it.

If what you mean is, "I need reassurance from you that you still want to be with me," then say it.

If what you mean is, "I love you and want to be with you, but I get the sense that this isn't what you want any more," then say it.

It is perfectly valid to no longer want to be with someone, but we could all stand to become better communicators.

Don't break up with a guy as an attempt to get him to "fight for you" because most of the time it won't work.

If he truly loves you and values the relationship, he will do whatever it takes to keep you — long before you reach an ultimatum.

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