Despite my strong, independent women status, I have been putting myself out there for the past year on dating apps. I've tried most of them, and have had many first dates, a few second dates, and a couple of short relationship-type things.

Alas, for reasons I am working to deconstruct (or perhaps only the universe knows), I am yet to meet someone who I vibe with enough, and they are with me, to really make a go of things.

So, I have spent more hours than I care to calculate scrolling profiles, sending likes, and kicking off a conversation with 'Hey! How's the week been treating you? What's been the highlight so far?'

Now, I should be clear that my approach with dating apps is to pay for the premium service and then wait and see who likes me. I then use that pool to create a match if I think there is one. This is because I am the kind of person who needs the invitation to do anything in life — I will rarely jump into anything cold without at least reading the room first. And that is incredibly hard to do with a couple of poorly-framed photos and a list of vitals. So with that in mind, please take my opinion here with a grain of salt.

What I see time and time again (and what I hear when I start chatting with people) is how bad/toxic/exhausting dating apps are. That they're an energy drain, a waste of time, and basically just suck. People even put in their profiles 'no time wasters!' (as if they're advertising a used couch on Facebook Marketplace) or 'not interested in a pen pal' (okay but I'm not meeting up with a rando from the internet without a little back and forth first). But, here's what I reckon.

Dating apps don't suck. In fact, they are inanimate and incapable of sucking. You do. You suck. You're the problem. And here's why.

1. You have a shitty attitude toward love and dating

When you're pissed off about a dating or past relationship experience you've had, it shows. I get it, love and dating are complicated and sometimes things don't work out so well. But being super negative on your profile is probably only going to do one of two things — turn people off or invite more negativity in. Saying things like 'no drama' or 'I'm not interested in playing games' will either bring nothing or a bunch of dramatic games. My hot tip (which I have applied to myself multiple times) — is if you can't write a profile without talking smack about dating, delete the app and take a break until you're in a better head space.

*I do just want to point out that there's a difference between being negative and setting a boundary. For example, 'I'm not into one-night stands or casually hooking up' is a boundary, which clearly tells potential matches where you're at. 'Not looking to be cheated on again' is not.

2. You refuse to provide actual information about yourself

For the love of the goddess, please fill in the profile. I mean, come on. I know it's hard and annoying but guess what? NO ONE LIKES DOING IT. Most dating apps even give you a range of prompts to respond to so you don't have to think that hard (I know, they are so lame but not as lame as a blank profile). Remember the days when to get a date you actually had to talk to someone in a bar or at a party and stare potential rejection right in the face? Now you can shoot your shot from the comfort of your couch without even having to speak a word. The very least you can do is type a few of them into an online form. Personally, you can be the most attractive person on the planet, with killer vitals, but if you have not taken the time to give me a little insight into what floats your boat or makes you tick, it's a hard swipe left.

3. You won't show your face

I heard a great piece of advice once — if you're thinking about matching with someone on a dating app, look at the worst photo on their profile because that's who you're going on a date with. If there are no photos, there is no worst photo and there is no first date.

It isn't all about looks, though. As in, it's not all about how objectively attractive someone is. However, it is about how you present physically. We want to see your kind eyes and your big smile. This is why photos or, even better, videos are so important. Sometimes you can feel a person's warmth, a mischievous streak, or an adventurous spirit just from their face. Don't hide behind sunglasses or only include photos where you are way off in the distance. You're gorgeous. We wanna see you.

And besides, if you have a profile with no photos, or obscured photos, I'm 100% going to assume you're in a relationship and gearing up to cheat.

To be very, very clear — I have done all of these things on the apps and at times, I have really sucked. But it's not the apps' fault. It's all of us. We are the problem, guys. And the sooner we can get it together and stop pretending we don't give a shit about finding love, the sooner we can stop sucking and start kicking ass at dating each other.