Happiness is an attitude. It is up to you to either nurture your happy thought process and make it dominant or let the unhappy part of you take over your life.

It is easy to train our thought process to follow four pillars that create and sustain joy.

Gratefulness

For me, the most important difference between being happy and unhappy depends on the extent to which I think about and am grateful for what I already have. Once the base state of mind is positive it is much easier to deal with worries and disappointments. My happy self keeps reminding me of how lucky I am to have what I have, and this self tries to fight off the unhappy self that attempts to remind me of what I do not have. Soon it becomes a positive reinforcement cycle where the grateful happy self is able to work towards more happiness.

Outcome versus Effort

When the result of something matters too much to me, I get overly stressed. The quality of my time goes down exponentially when the stakes are high in my mind.

The trick is to focus solely on the effort and not to think about the outcome at all. By doing so, one can improve the effort and increase the possibility of success. Worrying about the outcome is self-sabotage. It lowers your ability to perform and increases your chances of failure.

Living in the moment

This is something that I have discovered comparatively recently. Analyzing my thoughts made it clear to me that I was mostly worried about the possibility of some bad outcomes in the future and kept thinking about "what-if" scenarios. I spent the remaining time regretting the mistakes of the past. Living in the moment was something I never learned in my childhood. We were always supposed to work towards a better "future".

I feel that this method of intentional thinking has liberated me from almost all shackles. The premise that I only owe allegiance to this minute and do not need to constantly carry baggage on my back from the past or constantly push a cart to the future has brought a whole new meaning to living life to its fullest.

Accepting Differences

Agreeing to Disagree is something my better half has taught me. We can either choose to accept our differences or try to have none. I used to make a continuous effort to show the other person what I thought was my logical viewpoint. Many times I would invest so much time and effort into convincing others to see my viewpoint that the wasted effort would lead to endless frustration. I would win arguments and lose relationships.

It took me way too long to understand that so long as our basic value systems align that details do not matter. Be okay with people exercising immense freedom to do what they want and how they want and you will have people who love you for who you are. Accept differences as a default.

Training our thought process to pick a happy attitude will improve our state of mind and will make us as well as those around us happy.

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Originally published at https://www.mindkyte.com on September 19, 2020.