I am curious by nature, an inquisitive child who used to ask questions that my parents were not always able to answer on the spot. That didn't stop me from asking and they always encouraged me to seek answers.
Among numerous other books, our home had both a dictionary and a full set of Funk and Wagnalls Encyclopedias that lined book shelves in our dining room. If I wanted to know how to spell a word, my mother's refrain was, "Look it up." I would then say, "If I don't know how to spell it, how can I look it up?" She would volley back, "Sound it out." Thus began my fascination with learning all I could about everything I could.
My imaginative inner world was and still is, quite colorful. I learned from nature too as I spent time immersed in it. I would dig in the dirt in the gardens in our yard, planting seeds and discerning which growth were weeds and which were fruits, veggies or flowers. I would ride my bike through my neighborhood, feeling the breeze blowing my hair. I would listen to the trees as the wind danced them. I would wish upon stars. I would lie on the grass and gaze skyward, pondering whether the clouds were moving above me or the Earth was moving and the clouds were stationary.
Once, when I was doing that at a friend's house, I posed that question and the girls there looked at me like I was from another planet. Maybe I am. I told my parents on more than one occasion that I was an alien baby left on their door step. Sometimes they believed me, but my mother replied, "I know you're mine, because I hatched you." We would laugh at that.
As I matured, the questions became more complicated and fraught with emotion. I wondered what made people tick. That led me to a career as a psychotherapist as I would sit with people in some of the most challenging times in their lives. In my presence, they would unpack memories of trauma and abuse, witnessing horrors, loss of loved ones, illness, injury, spiritual conundrums, life choices they were needing to make.
Some of what allowed me to guide them through those things was a growing tool kit, acquired over almost 45 years of work in the mental health field. One of those tools was inquiry. I would ask them questions that would have them go deeper than skating on the surface of their feelings.
I ask myself questions all throughout my day. Who-what-when-where-why?
In 1988, I turned my love of writing to co-creating with my husband, a publication called Visions. I was the interviewer who had the joy of speaking with notables in the transformational arena. They included Louise Hay, Judith Orloff, Debbie Ford, Arielle Ford, don Miguel Ruiz, Wayne Dyer, Bernie Siegel, Deepak Chopra, Jack Canfield, Marianne Williamson, Grover Washington, Jr., Dan Millman, Ram Dass, Olympia Dukakis, Shirley MacLaine, Dennis Weaver, Mariel Hemingway, Ben & Jerry and SARK.
Long after we sold the publication before Michael died in 1998, I remain an interviewer and in 2008 sat with The Dalai Lama in his hotel room at The Four Seasons in Philadelphia. A wink and nod to the OTHER Four Seasons in Philly. We spent 45 minutes talking about life, the Universe and everything that sprung from out of the box questions. I steer clear of the typical Q & A when I interview folks, since I want to know the person behind the persona.
Intuition is what often steers my questions and even if I have a prepared list, I order off the menu so it is a true conversation. When I work with clients, I have come to trust my Spidey Sense when it comes to being guided what to ask. That's where the concept of psychic ability comes into play. I don't call myself psychic for one major reason. My 'knowings' aren't consistent and I can't always harness them. They pop up unexpectedly.
Yesterday was one such experience. I was having lunch with my friend Sherry at a delightful restaurant I had never been to before since it was almost an hour away. Cute name, Bitchin' Kitten. The story behind the name is on their website. The food was extraordinary with vegetarian and vegan selections, which made us both happy. I had a huuuuuge kale salad with radishes, roasted chick peas and cashews. It was so big that there is enough left for another two meals. Sherry had vegan tacos and we shared eggplant fries. So so good.
Since the inside of restaurant was filled with cyclists, and we wouldn't have been able to hear each other speaking, we sat outside on the patio next to a fire pit that emanated the delicious aroma of wood smoke that lingered on my clothes for hours. They offer little lap blankets for comfort as well. Yes, please. Our server was the daughter of the owners and she was multiply tattooed. One caught my eye on her right forearm that was scripted in what I read as, "Hi, Peggy!" I asked her who Peggy was. She looked shocked as she said, "It is, Hi Poppy!" (as in her grandfather,) but Peggy was his wife. Amazing.
This past week, I was speaking with someone who wanted to learn how to be better at her job. My suggestion was that she get really good at asking questions. Those would lead, like a construction paper chain to answers which would lead to more questions and so on. When I think I already know all the answers, I miss out on possibilities. It is also an occupational hazard since when I meet new people I go into interviewer mode and ask them out of the box, off the wall questions and then listen to the answers. That's how we get to know people.
An important question: What's Going On?
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The story was previously published on The Good Men Project.
About Edie Weinstein
Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, inspiring transformational speaker, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, editor, radio host, BLISS coach, event producer, certified Laughter Yoga Leader, Cosmic Concierge, the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary and co-author of Embraced By the Divine: The Emerging Woman's Gateway to Power, Passion and Purpose. She has also contributed to several anthologies and personal growth books. Edie has interviewed such notables as Ram Dass, Wayne Dyer, Debbie Ford, don Miguel Ruiz, don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. Marianne Williamson, Louise Hay, Grover Washington, Jr. Noah Levine, Shirley MacLaine, Dennis Weaver, Ben and Jerry and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. She calls herself an Opti-mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility. Edie writes for The Huffington Post, Psych Central, Beliefnet, Elephant Journal, The Good Men Project, Expanded Family, Meaningful Mom, Happenings Media, as well as a growing number of other venues. Edie is the founder of Hug Mobsters Armed With Love, which offers FREE HUGS events on a planned and spontaneous basis. www.opti-mystical.com