Don't Read This- Seriously

I'm so happy! I feel like a teenager! And not the one I was at the turn of the millennium. I feel like the teenager I wanted to be. I'm as giddy as Indy's father in The Last Crusade when he was as giddy as a school girl, you know before they found out that Elsa was a book burning Nazi. Odd reference I know. If you can't tell this is not my usual story. I'm just so euphoric I feel like kind of a free journal thing, so none of my usual pressure where I stare you down as you read. Oh you didn't know I do that, yeah, I'm outside in the bushes. Shhhhh!

So I will admit, I did drink this replenish drink from 7/11. I drink caffeine maybe six times a year. I stay away from it because, I don't know why but I'm super sensitive to it. And alllll it's effects, up? check diuretic? check peeing like crazy. dia is the airport here in Denver. So I am up! but it's not just the caffeine. I'm high on friendship, use to get high on life but then people started cutting it with fentanyl( I always want to spell that with a ph, not that I spend my days writing in my diary mrs victoria phentynal, I mean mrs victoria fentynal, I mean I don't do that)

Anyhow, gender euphoria!!!!!! I have the best trans sister in the whole wide world. She's the older, protective, nerdy sister I always wanted growing up. Sorry bro, I love ya, but I could never gush about boys or talk about tattoos, piercings and make up with ya. Hours fly by talking about anything and everything, so oo naturally! It's like we grew up together in a sense, in another we didn't because things would be much different. Que sera sera, and now I'm going to have to play that, after I'm done rocking out to Jen on guitar. She's got some serious chops y'all. That's a thing right that people say about great guitar playing, serious chops?

Buckets of euphoria, dripping. If you've never done this type of journaling it can be fun and revealing. You just keep going which is really hard for me to do because all I want to do is edit and format and sit with a sentence for like 45 minutes until I fall in love with it. Now I am correcting my spelling mostly, those damn red squiggles get me every time. I've always been a natural speller, which is an amazing talent to have in this digital age of spellcheck!!! Woo useless talent, well not useless to me, I love being able to spell, although it is annoying when you friends are constantly asking. But yeah, not useless to me, but to society, society could give a fuck. Maybe if spelling bee champs were paid like the nfl, that would be awesome. ok enough about spelling, no wait one more thing, I don't if I just missed a form or something elementary school but I don't remember my school having spelling bees, so like really god? innate spelling abilities nooooooooo possibility of showing off, thanks!! ok now I'm moving on. my school did have a jump rope marathon which I must say is better than the running kind. let's see what else is on my mind, bought a new paper journal, I was making a joke before about the fentanyl booom spelled it right that time, boom on the other hand not so much. where was i journal, yes I need to workon new signatures! haven't done that since sophomore year of high school high school is two words not one, so maybe not tonight as everything will probably look like chicken scratch, but tomorrow signatures. still working on a middle name, but I am liking quinn, it checks a lot of boxes. Victoria Quinn, nice ring, superfluous, well that was karma for bragging about spelling damn superfluous with it superfluous u nobody needs that. but two nns at the end of Quinn yuessss awesome, starting to slow down. Definitely burned through some excess energy on that wall of text, could you imagine if my writing was actually like this, I'd be negative followers, I'd have to pay medium to be here, wait I do pay medium, come on 45 more fans, not that that is my end all be all, and I'm not sure I want to lock my writing behind a paywall, yes making money doing something I love would be amazing especially as it would be for the first time ever, but I mainly right for one catharsis, blathering on on on onon and on to ya'll y'all sorry tryign to break that habit, there are a few words I used to intentionally spell differently as I though it gave me a rebel streak, yeah wow nerd a alert, but I love being a nerd especially a word nerd. but I digress just kidding that's not a thing here, its all just one long run on digression mmmmmmmmmmm so tasty I could like these tasty tangents allllll day, or night as it were, but I was talking about something right, intentional misspelling you rebel, ya'll was one, which is dumb, y'all makes way more sense, y' ou all so much more sense, not a misspelling but I link spelling theatre like the english right proper that is theatre sounds better in my head that way theatre the ate tre Jen can really rock, I give a proper shout out too, one in my actual work not just here in this gibberish. so let's so what else hmmmmmmmm, slowing down for sure, but considering I haven't done a free write like this in probably 15 years? pretty good I'd say. awe but what sweet sweet gender euphoria today, I mean if you saw our conversation you'd be in hysterics, but what sweet innocent fun, it's the simplest of pleasures right, right, oh yeah finally figured out today that I misspelled the number three in french from that article twa lol that's a defunct airline trois, but I am enjoying learning french, pretty rewarding so far although my sentences aren't really even that yet un chat et un chien a cat and a dog not a sentence, not that any one this is, une orange et un garcon except there's supposed to be a little deally hanging down off the c in garcon garcon is boy but again with that little thing a mabob . what a day for a day dream what a day for a day dreaming GIRL sucka you thought I was going to type boy, dear reader are you even reading this I hope not, you thought my last two were a crazy jumbled mess, do you like it reader when I write your thoughts? I'm curious comment and let me know, dear reader please send me money ok I think I'm running out of things to say well maybe I could get away with something nobodiies left right, you there reader, no gone I might have a teeny tiny tinsy crush on another writer here, so that's mostly all alllll alllllll the buckets and buckets of gender euphoria, you know, just a little but of fun flirting, I am so much better flirting as Victoria than I ever was before talk about terrible, but today was fun I mean I don't expect it to go anywhere but fun all the same, and then gushing to nova about it, seriously felt like we're sisters and you know what we are, chosen sisters and it's awesome, you know we make fun of each other but we support each other, talk about the serious and the ridiculous like VD, sorry folks that one is an inside joke, like you're really here reader, na you bailed months ago, but yeah trans sisterhood is the absolute best, I love it, haven't felt this happy maybe ever, I'm excited for my upcoming writing on spirituality need to work on typing that faster without tripping over my fingers, oh I'm parched need water, so thirsty can't stop though must keep going , but it's not just Nova, soooo many awesome brothers sisters and siblings I'm home I am home so awesome so fantastic, see reader how terrible I am with my synonyms when I'm just flowing awful, synonym is a cool word those superfluous ys are awesome, jesus stop typing awesome, no you can't make me, yes I precious can not the work ok now comes the the true gibberish ok I had to stop for water it was needed ok so oh I still need to watch that centaur show, centaursomething pretty show it was one word centaurkadj;kasj;od yeah that looks right and now this is going to bug me centaur centaurrrrrrrrr centaursomething centuar keyboard key boiard moving on I don't know I might be done I think I covered up what I was saying in that wall so he won't see, no ones actually going to read this right? I mean I could go one of two ways if I saw this I'd either scream in terror at the nightmare wall of text this is out set my computer on fire or I would be utterly intringed fuck, he's going to read it all, well so what right, gender euphoria, buckets, and buckets I'm not sure why I picture gender euphoria being held in buckets but it makes sense to me and not like modern plastic ones oh no, wooden ones held together with strips of metal and rivets old timey looking buckets where I'm just ringing out all the gender euphoria out of my shirt and into the buckets, why is is turning me on, top three for sure, hoestly hoestly nice , honestly not because of how strange it is which it is but because of how simple and abstract it is, gender euphoria what is that, I mean it's definitely a fluid, but where's it coming out of is it like sweat but sweeter maybe it seems like its white but I don't think it's like cum thinner, for sure not as sticky ahhhh sweet genderr euphoria, and my shirt is soaked again and ringing it into buckets old timey buckets, I'm not even in like a modern house it's like a cottage out of beauty and the beast, bizzare, is this comign out of my tits am I lactating, but it's everywhere, this is definitely one for the record books, how almost innocent, god I need to stop typing I wasn't really embarassed befor but things are getting weird, so stop typing but if I stop now the weirdest is going to be right at the bottom, where everyone is going to scroll down to must keep typing nonsense to throw them of the trail yeah but now they're just going to see that this bullshit and read up, don't cuss that's more intriguign yes mispell things that is the solution noone want s to look at the at this is not going to work everything you type is just going to be fuel for the fire a scavenger hunt to find the pervertednes sdon't type that ohhh you're not even trying, you want to get caught with your weird buckets lol, seriously I don't understand these buckets and yet, buckets, I'm totally enthralled, this is by far the strangest flow of thought journal thingI can't even remember what to call what I'm doing but ohh the buckets crystal clear in my head, it's like I've gone into a trance my body has been taken over by some weird bucket loving perv, well more power to ya, fucling buckets pk I need to stop or atleast drink some more water ok water then keep going with utter nonsense? sure whynot I was going to go until this playlist was over but I don't know if my hands can take it, let me klet alone my snaity or god forbisdde the buckets, seriously clear as day, I don't think I've ever imagined a more perfect image than these two buckets, ok stop thinking about buckets let's thing about oh I don't know typing is becoming erradict and spelling is satrting to go, push, I can finish this, fisih whjat this is clearlyu nothing atr this point except a slow decent into madness madness I tell you utter madneess uin fouc focus just type slower you don't have to speed through anything becuase this si nothing and in notheing is the joy the sheer lunacy for the sake of it, for some reason madness and lunacy are easy to tytpe right now other thing s are a astruggle yeah thatr becuaer you 've completely lost your mind, weiord ;p; or dear lord my hands are going to hurt after thins and not in a way where oither thing jesus focus you just need to type for a for few more minutrews to that this artibtrary goal of nothing ness so much for all that ghreat spelking huh, I;m just shoting for a near jist of thought at this poiijt I thin lkit's failly with in a an standard range of being whatver the fuvk that means. there's strill like 15 minutes left this is ridiculaous I',m not going to make it serious ly that was like two minutes and I have non way of mearuing this it just keep s going I neep ;like page break s of something and thats a hand cramp two minute breakwith msuic going ok better poosture not slumped back over the keyboard oh thatgs worse stop looking at the keyboard there you going, kind of and now my nknee is cramping I'm going to have lobstyer claws for hands in the mornging, hand how many words am I up to words being the operative word there stream of conciousness thats the ticket stream of consciousness nailed it ok moveing on god so many red squirggkle now how muich longer 12 minutes this is ridiculous I can 't I'm burned out why what is the piont dexterity? maybe just focus on typing accuraretly fuck fuck fuck fuck this shit fucking fuckity fuck tuchf fuck madddddddddd crazxok no focus my hands hurt ok so focus on how much your hjand s hurtoh buyt why me why are you doing this I have no idea at this point this point what about a point god know s how long ago, I mean this could be interesting to look at in like ten years yeah aor tomorrow we hen there dragging you out of here he with lobsxster hands crazy lobster hand s hey atleast you stopee thingking about he the buckets and great back on the buckets, I mean your strated tying about buckets right from the start way back wehn when you were alladgedly still cohewrrent so what does that say about you and the buckets, something to explorer yes let's explore buckets, I'm utterly borde dof buckets, you r typpign utterly a lot, hucow things now what home stretch to songs left you get this you crazy crazy wonderous girl you your inner head space definite lent more mmascualine towards the end here it's like all that gender euphorai is gone not true I just need to focus there it is I got it back, kind of back can'rt you see the macho endurance run is like alll t estostroe testosterone at this point yes it suck, fortnight fortnghit fortnight you got this less than two weeks or is it exactlly two weeks , yuou want me to do math on top of this goodluck with that siteewr, thatr 's quite possible the dumbest thing you have everr done, I mean that there was thing in the garage that was way worse I think your you'd agree yeah and trasffic eequally dumb, we're alive we've gfot this and when did we switch to this roayl we I have no Idea itr's monkey fithsn at this point now your just terying to be oodd, am not finally saong home stretch, let's finish strong perfect spelling and things to type about as we waste time for the home stretch jsut damn type anyhting damning or stupid we're almost there you got this girl, I fell like shuch a dude at this point arrgghghgf why, deep breathe

Well this was certainly interesting, I actually did not start this with the intention of doing a whole, stream of conscious speed run. I was just feeling very up from gender euphoria, but at some point well things switched. That was truly an odd experience. And then things really snapped. It's making me laugh out loud, I think I'm funny sometimes, but I don't laugh out loud at myself ever so clearly I was possessed. Please don't read any of this, perhaps I should have led with that.

I can't even do a proper sign off here — Tori out!

Am I really going to publish this? Fuck it!