Chances are, you won't read this introduction and skip right to the points in bold. If that's the case, so be it, but you'll miss an important premise.

The premise you'd miss is this: wisdom is the application of knowledge.

While I can give what I believe to be sound advice, only you can discern, digest, and apply the information. Many people hear advice and never apply it. So if you read this article and muse, "Perhaps I should implement some of these points" but never do, no amount of New Year's Resolutions, resolve, or willpower will take effect. You alone hold the key to a better year, wise decisions, and fruitful relationships. You. No one else.

That said, here's what I've learned in war, peace, life, work, free time, dating, and marriage.

1) Choose your friends wisely

Two men forever changed my life. They mused about life and relationships with depth and beauty and were loyal husbands to their wives. At the time, I hung around men who just wanted to get drunk, hook up with as many girls as possible, and bitch about their jobs so I sounded a lot like the crew I ran with. Once I spent time outside of that group and with men of character, I wanted to be someone else.

If your friends are morons, habitually addicted, a constant source of drama, gossip, or can only see the negativity in life, you'll become like them. Every self help author from Tim Ferriss to Tony Robbins to Jim Rohn has emphasized that you become the sum of your closest friends. Even religious texts hint at this reality.

Choose who you call "friend" wisely.

2) 90% done is better than perfect

Chasing perfection is like Sisyphus rolling a rock up a hill for eternity. No matter how perfect the product, relationship, or task is, you'll always discover a flaw. One of my favorite fantasy authors suffers from this curse. Patrick Rothfuss, who wrote the New York Times Bestselling novel The Name of the Wind, finished his trilogy before he ever sold the novels. In interviews, he's talked about his dissatisfaction and need to continually tweak. His third book — some nine years now after his last novel — is still up in the air for a release date and has driven fans raving mad. As a perfectionist, I understand the curse. Each time I write something I want it to be perfect. However, I've found the more I tweak anything to be my ideal of perfection, the more it eludes me. Instead of something solid emerging, a bastardized mess occurs.

Trust me, 90% is better than perfect.

3) Happiness is fleeting. Practice gratitude and you'll find joy instead

Most people assume the goal in life is to be "happy." But happiness is based on circumstance. Any of us could receive a phone-call in the next five seconds that would wreck our day (or life) and snatch the happiness we felt moments earlier.

Joy, however, is a deep, indwelling emotion that radiates regardless of circumstance. You see it in people who have suffered a terrible loss, yet still smile or remain positive. This is because many of them practice gratitude. Far too often we take a glass half full approach to life instead of reflecting on what we have to be thankful for. Even science confirms that practicing gratitude changes your mental health and leads to greater joy.

To start, it's as simple as what I do with my three-year-old daughter each night. Before bed, we tell each other three things we're grateful for. Try it out for a month and see what happens in your life and relationships.

4) Own your mistakes without having an excuse

Everyone hates an apology followed by the word "but." It feels insincere and like the person is still trying to justify their mea culpa. So you screwed up, were late, or failed. Own it. Otherwise you're just going to invalidate the offended party — and with time — might believe nothing is your fault because you're justified by your excuse. No one likes the guy who can never admit they're wrong.

5) The phrase "do what you love" is a sham.

There's a reason work is called "work" and not "fun." No matter how invigorating the job — with time — you can become disillusioned with your career. The myth is that if you pick a job you love you'll "never work a day in your life." That's a big 'ol crock of BS. While I love writing, I also despise writing. There are deadlines, some articles flop, and doing the same thing day-in and day-out gets tedious. You work to live, not live to work. If you do the latter, then you'll miss out on life, relationships, and friendships. Work hard at what you do and enjoy it to the extant you can, but remember that no matter how much you get accomplished today, your inbox and workload will be full tomorrow. Focus instead on what matters in this life (hint: people).

6) Generosity is the only cure for your consumerism

Benjamin Franklin once said:

"Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. There is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of its filling a vacuum, it makes one."

Given the rampant nature of consumerism in society, it's easy to get caught up buying crap we don't need. After, we have no room left to be charitable and are constantly comparing our lives to those who have better trinkets. We forget that everything we own is in the process of decay or will be in future garage sales. Instead, when generous, you appreciate what you have, and the consumer vice grip loosens.

7) Before you get romantically involved, get your friends feedback

I once dated a girl who was a little ditzy. We were wonderful friends but not a romantic fit. I liked deep, philosophical conversation, and she liked wine and lip gloss (not that those are bad things). After an amicable break up, a friend pointed out I surprised him with my choice given that we weren't a fit and that he found her conversations trite. After that day, I made sure to to ask my friends their honest thoughts of the women I dated. A guy or girl can always trick their partner, but they cannot trick their friends.

8) A bored man is a dangerous man

Men needs goals and tasks to accomplish, or battles to fight. Show me a man bored with life and I'll show you a man headed for trouble. Whether it's starts by cheating on his partner, getting into debt, addiction, or declining health, the less a man has that fills him with purpose, the more apt he is to become destructive and controlling. This is why many women become frustrated with partners who are lazy and headed nowhere with their life. It's because they see their man headed toward stormy waters as opposed to purpose and meaning. Instead, date a man who has some trajectory and is going places. And if you're that bored guy? Find tasks and hobbies that invigorate the soul. Come home tired, but with a refreshed soul instead of numbing out on video games and Netflix to escape.

9) When you get the girl, keep dating her

I may have one romantic bone in my body. I'm not great at romance and even ask Google for romantic date ideas. However, I make it a point to go on a weekly date with my wife and ask questions because her love language is quality time. I'm not always good at this and forget, but I try hard. Instead of getting the girl and coasting (which can get you into trouble as stated in the tip above), when you keep dating your spouse you're a lot more apt to remember why you fell in love, and stay that way.

10) Anger will get you nowhere

In my life I've had justifiable reasons to be furious — getting cheated on, hacked, and even shot at by terrorists. And yet, that anger never helped me fix the situation. Sure, we should each feel angry about injustice and wrong doing, but it's one thing to feel anger, and another to embrace it. Anger should move you toward action and resolution, not hatred and belittling. I often remind myself of what philosopher and theologian Dallas Willard said about anger when I start slipping:

"Anger indulged, instead of simply waved off, always has in it an element of self-righteousness and vanity. Find a person who has embraced anger, and you find a person with a wounded ego."

11) Study philosophy and seek a higher explanation for life

If you've never wrestled with the question, "what's the point of life?" you're doing yourself a disservice. After all, where do you derive purpose? Why does morality matter? Why are human beings more important than insects and how can you empirically prove that? Is love real or is it just a chemical reaction in our brain? If your life goal is to make a bunch of money and be happy, you're only deluding yourself. Explore philosophy, faith, and reasoning behind the human condition. Only then will you derive purpose from life.

12) Seek peace instead of conflict

When people post comments blasting me or attacking my character, I try to respond with care and gentleness. I don't know what personal battles they're facing and what I've written might have brushed an old wound. I also remind myself they're getting a picture of me in 1,500 words (or less) and an essay doesn't encompass my world view. Chances are, were we to sit down over a beer, we might get along.

These days, everyone is angry behind their keyboards, but someone who's calm amid a firestorm helps quell the rage. I try to live by the words of Jesus who reminds people that "blessed are the peacemakers." Peace begets peace, whereas conflict only leads to more strife and division.

A final word

In life, you will have a choice in how you respond to tragedy and triumph. Each point listed has come through personal hardship or failure. You can learn and apply the lessons taught in the school of hard knocks, as well as glean wisdom from others who've been there. You can let the pain take from you, or let it change you. Choose the latter.