And very few people are questioning any of it, which is leading to botched first impressions of the opposite sex. Let's examine a few of them.

In my most recent blog I spoke briefly and generally about what I believe to be one of the biggest obstacles we face when dating (from the point of view of a Millennial and the current dating culture). After listening to various podcasts and interviews on The Roommates YouTube channel and others, I have realized that there's a ton of misinformation and incorrect assumptions about what women want from men and what men want from women. And since I identify as a woman, I wanted to dispel some of the ways many young men (especially Millennial men) think is an appropriate or even attractive way to approach a woman.

The hungry stare

I can assure you most women will find themselves a little taken aback and not in a good way when you give them the 'you look like a stake I want to devour' stare. More often than not the majority of women will feel objectified by this and be turned off. Some will react positively to the advance but it may be because the woman doesn't take you seriously, or she's unfortunately struggling with her self-image to the point that she'll take any attention she can get.

As a rule of thumb I would recommend avoiding this. Instead, what women like is to be approached in a sincere, respectful manner. From hearing multiple friends complain about their experiences, as well as my own, giving a simple compliment in a similar way you would a friend is perhaps the best way. When you approach in this non-predatory manner a woman does not feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, nor do her alarm bells go off because the approach is perceived as non-threatening.

Shouting to her to 'come over here' while surrounded by the posse

This is perhaps the best way to be disregarded by a woman. I would say a one-on-one approach is the best because it's perceived as less threatening. When a woman walks by and she's yelled from across the room to 'come over' by a guy among his friends, odds are she will ignore you.

Just yesterday I was walking through the mall with my niece (for context, she's around my age so it's not like I was babysitting) and a young guy, most likely younger than my 26 years, calls me miss and asks me if I like butterflies (I was wearing a shirt with butterflies) while he's surrounded by two of his friends standing in a corner. And guess what I did, ignored him.

If you really want to talk to that woman that stood out for whatever reason, be bold and approach her the way I described in the first part. Compliment her genuinely, and introduce yourself without invading her personal space. Don't go for a hug right away, she doesn't know you nor is comfortable with you yet. A woman likes when a man respects her personal space and with time she will give the cue, either physical or verbal (most likely physical), that you can approach her further. This is a sign that she likes what she sees and is willing to give you her time and get to know you.

Buying her a drink from across the bar and expecting her to come over

Although initially this method is not perceived negatively, it's not very effective because of the following: women do not like to be made feel as if they owe something. When you buy her a drink from across the bar, without approaching her first nor asking her what she likes, a woman feels obligated to continue a conversation. This may not be the case every time, but I feel this way and so do various of my girlfriends.

Again, the one-on-one approach is best and in this case, asking her beforehand what she likes makes her see that you're interested in getting to know more about her. Again, introducing yourself and respecting her personal space is your best bet, every time. You will be perceived by her as non-threatening and decent, and she will most likely continue a conversation with you.

Going back to some points made in my previous blog, it's important to know that there are no guarantees. Even if men approach women in a respectful manner it's crucial to keep in mind that women still have the right and ability to reject the advance. I think it's crucial for men to keep in mind that this is not a reflection on them, and is instead a reflection on the other person.

We've heard this various times, especially us women since we have to deal with the brunt of it. When a man is rejected he can get irritated, angry, or even react in a scary, threatening manner. Many a times a woman does not reject a man out of fear of what the reaction will be. This is why I urge, URGE men to approach women carefully and be as non-threatening/predatory as possible.

Feeling objectified and in fear of what a man's reaction will be if he is rejected is the best way to blow all the chances of continuing a conversation with a woman. Men may not realize this but we still live in a world where woman are viewed as commodities and seen as the inferior sex. To be approached respectfully is to be regarded as a human being before being seen as a woman, and it is so powerful. It makes us feel like we're seen for who we are, not just our appearance.

Back to the topic of misinformation, I believe that media, whether it'd be Instagram, TikTok, and even music, there's a message being shown and sung about the type of person women are striving to be, and it is SO misleading to men. When you see artists like CardiB or Meghan Thee Stallion, Megan Fox (she may not be a musical artist but she still counts), I believe there's a generalization that most women look up to them. I'm not saying women don't, I do believe a good chunk of them do but there's others out there that do not let themselves be significantly influenced by them.

In my opinion, these woman paint a picture to men of what most women are striving to be like and I find it to be so misleading. The lifestyle and values that some of these women portray do not align with what a lot of women are looking for. When you're singing and performing WAP men get the wrong idea of what women want. They think the majority of us just want to f*ck around and not take anything too seriously. I'm not saying there aren't women out there that do, they definitely are. But making the assumption that most women are, that's where the misinformation lies.

And with the growing influencer space, it's not getting any better. Both men and women need to become more vigilant of the information that's being put out there, specially regarding the opposite sex. I believe that it's key to learn and understand what the other person is looking for, what values they want to live by and what type of lifestyle they're looking to have.

It's time to start a conversation about all the assumptions we have about the opposite sex when it comes to dating. I've noticed that in many cases we're both wrong. In truth, most women do not know what men want and most men do not know what women want (again, this is mainly geared towards the Millennial and younger generations). I've heard that well intentioned ignorance will still kill you, metaphorically and literally. We have to be clear on what we want from the opposite sex otherwise we will be left to either wonder aimlessly or make a choice based on what is most likely the wrong assumption, and then be left to deal with the consequences.