I was unemployed a while ago, and it was really hard. I was so short of money, my kids got an IOU from Santa.

One day I walked into a big office building and said, 'I say I say I say — do you have any vacancies?' Then this lady said, 'Hey boss, we've got some comedian here, who thinks we ought to employ him!'

One week later they gave me a telephone interview. My wife thought I was mad, because I dressed up for it.

Soon after, they offered me a face-to-face interview.

I was quite nervous, to be honest. I said to my friend beforehand, 'The problem is, I'm a 'jack of all trades, master of none''. He replied, 'Then call yourself an interdisciplinary'.

I then said, 'All I seem to do is moan about things on Facebook'. He replied, 'So you're a social media influencer!'

When I arrived for the interview, the receptionist said to me, 'They always give people here a good send off. That's why I've left so many times!'

The first thing the interviewer asked me was, 'What's your biggest weakness?' I said 'Sticky toffee pudding'.

Then he asked, 'What's your biggest strength?' I said, 'Hindsight'.

The boss then asked, 'On a scale of one to five, how good are you at maths?' I said, 'Ten''.

Then he asked if I was interested in distance working. I replied, 'Not remotely'.

I was then allowed to ask any questions. I said, 'How many people work here?' He replied, 'Half!'

Then we talked about salary, and I said, 'I want a big chunky figure'. He replied, 'Well you're not exactly SLIM'.

Actually, I was very lucky, and I got the job. I had to change my surname to Gents as it was the only way to get an office with my name on it!

One day I asked my Italian boss, 'Can I have a bigger desk?' He replied, 'If you want a big-ah desk, I give you a big-ah desk. If you want a big-ah chair, I give you a big-ah chair!'

Actually, I sit in front of the him. My colleague said that must be hard when I've run out of work. I said I've learned how to stare at a blank screen with a concerned look on my face.

To be honest, it's a really nice place to work. They even have a posh drinks machine. I attended the annual teabag-changing ceremony only last week.

There's lots of motivational posters on the walls. One says, 'Now never comes'. Another says, 'Start at the beginning of your day'.

Last Thursday, my colleague told me we'd just got paid. I replied, 'Oh no! I haven't spent last month's money yet!'

The next day I had to phone in sick. I had to remember to use my gravelly 'first thing in the morning' voice.

The Social Club recently hosted a parachuting course. I asked the receptionist where it was being held. She said 'On the tenth floor'. I replied, 'That's a shame — I don't like heights'.

We have lots of ongoing training. My colleague went to a positive speaking seminar, and he didn't have a bad word to say about it.

A month ago, we had our annual conference. The CEO chaired the meeting until seats were provided.

He asked me to play guitar. Apparently I was instrumental to the proceedings.

Next, the accountant stood up. He picked up the microphone and said, 'Testing, testing, 1…2…5'.

The head of the IT department did a short PowerPoint presentation. Unfortunately he'd chosen black text on a black background.

After that the host said, 'Let's make some noise for the next speaker!' Apparently 'Boo!' wasn't the right response.

The marketing manager stood in front of the projector, so he looked like he had a facial tattoo.

He then showed a laxatives sales chart. Apparently the bottom had fallen out of the market.

He explained they are also trying to sell giant beef cubes. Unfortunately, they're struggling to move their stock.

The training manager did a flipchart presentation on the 10 rules of planning. Unfortunately she only gave herself enough space to write the first 9.

For the final seminar, the boss gave a keynote speech. He said, 'Now that I'm internationally acclaimed, I want to make an impact abroad'.

Then he discussed the 7 habits of 7 highly ineffective people.

Just before the end, he said, 'Does anyone want to ask anything? There's no such thing as a stupid question'. So I asked how often they produced their quarterly newsletter.

At the end of the day, no one says on his death bed that he wished he'd spent more time at the office. That's particularly true if you don't work in one!

Want to make £1m? Here's how…

Click HERE!