I was one of those kids who expected a lot from life. But then life started raining on me. I had to quickly adapt. I grew up fast. I had to. But my childhood was fun and exciting. It made me who I am. And for that, I'm grateful. Life is hard and indifferent to our pain. But now I get to choose my hard. I could stay in the cycle complain, apathy, despair and repeat. Or I could pick a different hard. The hard of showing up for myself everyday. If I don't, the universe will choose it for me.

And I don't want that.

Writer M. Scott Peck was right when he said, "Once we truly know that life is difficult – once we truly understand and accept it – then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters." True commitment to anything is hard. Letting go is hard. Awakening all of your self is hard. Relationships are hard. Being mindful is hard. Being responsible is hard. Getting anything worth your while done is hard. Growth is hard. Staying the same is hard, too.

How I choose my hard is how I live.

Every time I put off a hard commitment, the hard doesn't go away. It shows up later, bigger and more difficult to tame. The hard things I ignore today become the crisis I deal with tomorrow. Getting fit is hard. But so is feeling out of shape. Saving money is hard. But so is being broke. Building a relationship is hard. But so is being lonely. Waking up early is hard. So is scrambling through your day unprepared. Saying no to distractions is hard. So isfeeling like you're behind in life. A tough conversation is hard. So is living with resentment. Learning new skills is hard. So is being replaceable. Growth is hard. So is staying stuck. You choose your hard. Avoiding hard things doesn't work.

But you get to choose your pain with intention.

You either choose the struggle that moves you forward or wake up one day trapped in a struggle you never wanted. I choose my hard a decade — working for myself. Writing every day. Sharing what I know in public. Building a better relationship with myself. Facing my strong emotions so I stop reacting to experiences out of control. Parenting is hard. But I chose my hard. Kobe Bryant woke up at 4 AM to train. He didn't have to. He chose that hard because the alternative — being average — was harder for him to accept.

"When you are up against a wall, put down roots like a tree, until clarity comes from deeper sources to see over that wall and grow," says Psychologist Carl Jung. Growth takes time. Walls don't disappear overnight. But when you put down roots, something amazing happens. Clarity comes. You start to see beyond the obstacle. And one day, you'll rise above it. You don't break through life by avoiding discomfort. You break through by standing firm, doing the work, and growing beyond the obstacle.

Hard things will come either way.

The difference is whether they are pushing you forward or holding you back. You don't get to skip hard. You just get to pick what kind. Avoiding tough choices doesn't make life easier. It makes life smaller. At some point, you either take control or life chooses for you.

"I was peeling a red apple from the garden when I suddenly understood that life would only ever give me a series of wonderfully insoluble problems. With that thought, an ocean of profound peace entered my heart." — Christian Bobin

What hard thing are you avoiding? Maybe it's starting a new habit, ending a toxic one, or facing a fear. Maybe it's having that tough conversation. Or starting a personal project you've been putting off. Or simply saying no to something that doesn't align with your goals. Whatever it is, don't wait for it to choose you. Choose it first. You still have 90% of the year left. That's 90% to choose hard things that push you forward. Not the hard things that hold you back. That's a lot of time to step up. Pick the hard that changes you into who you want to be.

Choose the hard that moves you closer to the life you want.

I like what author Dr. Joe Dispenza once said, "If you can't get beyond your stresses, your problems, and your pain, you can't create a new future where those things don't exist." He's right. Choosing your hard is how you create a future where your stressors are minimised. I can choose to stay stuck in a cycle. Or I can choose my hard. Choosing my hard means breaking patterns. Life will always give you hard things. But you get to decide which ones are worth it. Choose the hard that moves you forward. Choose the hard that builds the life you want. The hard you choose today becomes the foundation of the life you build tomorrow. And that's how you create a future you're proud of.

When I choose my hard, I'm choosing growth.

I'm choosing self-evolution. I'm choosing to become the best version of myself. And that's a pretty amazing feeling. Hard mode is the only way forward. "Believing it should be easy makes it harder," says Alex Hormozi. A lot of us get stuck in this mindset of "life happens to me." We feel like we're victims of our circumstances. We complain about our jobs, our relationships, and our lack of time. But we don't do anything to change it. You are not a victim.

Life isn't happening to you. It's responding to you.

Every action — or inaction — creates your reality. It's easier to say, "This is just how it is," than to admit, "I'm scared to try." Navy Seal David Goggins says, "You have to build calluses on your mind." Pushing through hard things will get you far. No one likes waking up early, going to the gym, or having tough conversations. But that's where change happens. The discomfort in all things is the way forward. It's the sign you're alive. It's the proof you're growing. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to start. And show up for yourself daily. Friedrich Nietzsche said, "He who has a why can bear almost any how."

Find your why. What's the life you want? What's the person you want to become? That's your clue. Choose your hard. Choose your growth. Choose your best life. Do it scared. Do it imperfectly. But do the hard things. Start slow if you must. Just start. It won't be easy. But staying stuck? That's worse.

"Life is an apple, you must bite it with its skin." — Sohrab Sepehri

I'm Thomas. My essays cross between topics like psychology, philosophy, personal growth and spirituality. I aim to make the wisdom of great thinkers instantly accessible. For more wisdom for life, check out my newsletter here.