When I moved into this assisted living facility 2½ years ago, I was so sick that I was truly at death's door. I had done all the necessary preparations — including buying my coffin. I had three major health issues:
1. The Side Effects of Chemotherapy I was battling the side effects of chemo, which were truly worse than the cancer itself. It got to the point where we — my best friend (an angel), my oncologist, and I — decided to stop treatment and get ready to go Home. I felt such a deep sense of release and relief, and I was actually happy!
2. Chronic Hypoglycemia I suffered from frequent hypoglycemic attacks. If you've ever experienced one, you know how debilitating they are. You feel completely powerless. So, either I or my dear angels who took me to the doctor had to carry a bottle of Pepsi or candies everywhere. I kept candy in my living space, my car, my purse or pocket — along with the bottle of Pepsi.
3. Labile Blood Pressure My blood pressure would fluctuate wildly — from dangerously high (over 200/??) to alarmingly low (78/??). It got to the point where I had to take medication for both high and low blood pressure on the same day.
Honestly, this issue (and the one before it) seemed to match my personality! I've been accused — rightfully so — of having a bipolar attitudinal trait (not mental illness). I sometimes wonder if this is common among only children. We can be "all or nothing," "black or white" — either very generous or very stingy, and so on. My blood pressure just mirrored that.
But don't take me too seriously! How could I be serious — or sane — writing this at 4:30 a.m.? (LOL!)
4. Constant Fear of Cancer Pain And then there was a constant fear — the fear that cancer pain would strike at any moment.
A God With a Sense of Humor? If I ever had any doubt that God has a divine sense of humor, now I'm 100% sure of it!
On the one hand, every part of my body is slowly deteriorating. On the other hand, all of those major health issues have completely disappeared — at least for now.
Will they return? I can't predict. But even if they do, I remain grateful to the Merciful God.
I'm truly baffled by it all. Why did those conditions suddenly vanish? I doubt anyone in this world can explain it — except that God must have a purpose for my life. (Oh, how I wish He would let me in on it — but in a language a 2½-year-old could understand!)
All I ask is that He helps me fulfill that purpose. Please, God — allow me to achieve it!
Humiliation or Divine Teaching? As I write this, I realize God seems to have another specialty when it comes to me: humbling me — or perhaps I humble myself and then blame Him!
Every time I find fault in someone, or grow suspicious — thinking they've wronged me, stolen something, or are untrustworthy — bang! I discover I'm the one who misplaced the item and forgot where I put it.
Man, oh man! I feel so small and miserable. Shame and guilt follow.
This isn't new. It started in childhood. When one has experienced pain and abuse, trust becomes fragile and short-lived.
I've worked on this for decades. I've made some progress: I ruminate less, and I free myself from that dark place more quickly now.
I try to live by the teachings of Bahá'u'lláh, the Head and Founder of the Bahá'í Faith: "Independent investigation of truth."
I also follow the guidance of Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is, who suggests four questions, including:
- Is it true?
- Do I absolutely know that it is true?
My answers are almost always the same: No! And that's when the humiliation hits — like a ton of bricks.
I sometimes think God made just one of me, and when He saw I had perfected the art of self-humiliation, He threw away the original model.
So yes, my "beef" with God is: "Dear God, why didn't You make me just a little wiser and more emotionally stable? And how long will it take for me to learn — to pause, question my assumptions, and not make myself a victim of my own wrong thinking?"
Maybe then, I'll finally be ready to go Home.
7/10/25 — Miracles??? I know — I sound like a broken record in these chronicles — but I can't help it. I remain constantly amazed by what God does for me. (I know I'm not the only one He showers with such grace.)
One of the most amazing things is that He hears and answers all our prayers — without exception.
This realization fills me with ecstasy and spiritual intoxication.
I've seen it over and over: When I face a wall of difficulty that I can't break through — if I turn my face to Him, surrender completely, and attach no strings to my prayers — He sends an angel to break down that wall. The help comes from a direction I never imagined.
Writing, editing, and publishing these chronicles is one of those miracles. I couldn't have imagined doing it — let alone actually doing it!
I honestly don't know if these chronicles change anyone's life. But I hope they help even one person live more peacefully, trust God more deeply, and walk with a little more joy.
Family and Faith I've been praying for my relatives — for them to see the light of God and follow it.
I lost contact with most of them 61 years ago, after leaving the country of my birth. But in the past few months, I've been discovered by a few of them — through Facebook!
Most of my male first cousins — and some of my female ones — have already passed on to the next world. But I've found a few female cousins who are still alive.
One of my youngest female first cousins called me. She told me that she, her husband, their children and spouses, and her grandchildren are all Bahá'ís! That very night, they were going to a Bahá'í Feast — a sacred gathering that happens every 19 days around the world.
There, Bahá'ís share spiritual nourishment (prayers and writings), physical food, and consultation.
I nearly lost my mind with joy.
I cannot describe the wonder, the gratitude, the awe I felt toward God, the All-Merciful. How blessed I felt to receive that message — and hopefully, more to come.
A Prayer of Praise and Gratitude To close, I offer this beautiful prayer by Bahá'u'lláh:
"Glory be to Thee, O Lord my God! I yield Thee thanks for that Thou hast made me to recognize Thy Manifestation, and enabled me to turn unto Thee. Praise be to Thee, O my God, that Thou hast unlocked before mine eyes the portals of Thy grace and Thy mercy. I beseech Thee, O my Lord, by Thy Name, through which Thou hast guided Thy lovers, to keep me steadfast in Thy love and in Thy Cause." — Bahá'u'lláh
Continuation of publishing my Life's chronicles
Since The Baha'i Teachings.org decided to publish other forms of articles, and since you dear Face Book friend are encouraging me to continue my writing, I feel compelled to publish them myself. And if you wish to read all 40 previous articles, I will suggest that you go to the Baha'iTeaching.org and click on A Friend's Passing and an Honest Look Within . You can also find Spanish translation of all those published articles, as well in the Baha'iTeachings.org. When you click the above article, it will direct you to read more and if you click on it, all the others will be simultaneously available to you on, the Baha'iTeachings.org and there you will be guided to read all of them , which begins May 11 , 2025. Thank you for your encouraging comments in the past.
Mahin Pouryaghma, 89 years old, is originally from Iran. Since 1964, she has lived in North America and currently resides in Marshallville, Georgia. Mahin has been devoted to the Bahá'í Faith since her early thirties, dedicating her life to serving God through service to humanity.
