I used to wake up and immediately jump out of bed.

I hastily took a few bites of breakfast while checking emails on my phone.

Then I dashed down the stairs, got in my car, and rushed to my first appointment. Appointment followed after appointment.

After checking off dozens of to-dos, I came home and fell into bed.

Only then did I realize that I'd been holding my breath the whole day.

I forgot to breathe!

This used to be an average day in my life a while ago. While I didn't enjoy living like that, I gritted my teeth and kept going.

After all, that was my idea of a successful and happy life.

Of course, I wasn't happy now. But I would be in the future, once I was rich enough! The path to success seemed clear to me: work as much as possible and make as much money as possible.

Then I'd be able to afford luxurious things like sports cars and mansions for myself and my family. Which would obviously make me very happy, wouldn't it?

I never questioned this concept of a life well-lived.

My idols back then were Gary Vaynerchuck, Ed Mylett, and Jocko Willink. They are online entepreneurs and boast about working at least 12 hours every day.

I was living in stressful ignorance. And so were, and still are, millions of people around the world.

The philosophical awakening

One day, I was standing in the waiting line of a bookstore. To pass the time, I picked up a copy of Seneca's Letters sitting on a shelf nearby.

I was immediately captivated.

"It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it."

Waste it in idling, I thought. Seneca had a different idea about wasting time, though:

"Everyone hustles his life along, and is troubled by a longing for the future and weariness of the present."

This made me think. I was longing for the future and weary of the present.

My whole lifestyle was aimed at future happiness while neglecting the present.

Well, I might not have happiness now, but I will have it in the future once I'm prosperous enough to retire early, I told myself.

Seneca ruthlessly went on:

"New preoccupations take the place of the old, hope excites more hope, and ambition more ambition. They do not look for an end to their misery, but simply change the reason for it."

Would it be like that? Surely I would find the right time to start enjoying the present.

"Putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today."

But what about my goals? They are the only way for me to become happy!

"What are you looking at? To what goal are you straining? The whole future lies in uncertainty: live immediately."

He got a point with that one. I didn't enjoy what I was doing now, and the chances were slim that I'd enjoy it in the future.

It was only some distant possible result I was longing for. I told myself I'd be able to live happily once that goal was achieved.

But what if I'd never achieve that goal?

"For suppose you should think that a man had had a long voyage who had been caught in a raging storm as he left the harbor, and carried hither and thither and driven round and round in a circle by the rage of opposing winds?

He did not have a long voyage, just a long tossing about."

That finally hit home.

I wasn't the sailor carefully steering the ship through unsteady water.

I was the ship being thrown around in a tempest.

I wasn't under control.

Goals that I set myself — goals I wasn't even sure were the right ones anymore—were controlling me.

A hope clinging to the future dictated my present. I was waiting for a future that might arrive one day.

Until then, I suffered in the present.

Taking over control

The ideas Seneca portrayed in his letters questioned everything I thought I knew about living a happy life.

After leaving the bookstore (and buying a copy) I started a deep reflection.

None of the activities I was currently doing made me happy.

Instead, I was miserable.

I wanted to change something. At the same time, I didn't want to give up the future completely to live in the present. I'd still need some kind of security.

So I thought hard for a few days.

I realized it was possible to pursue goals that would lead to a desirable future by doing things I enjoyed in the present.

Writing, for example. And learning about psychology.

It wasn't an immediate decision, but after some pondering, I decided to change majors. I also started writing online.

Now, I do fewer things than before. These things don't have the prospect of ever turning me into a billionaire.

But if I do them well, I can make a good living off them.

What matters most, however, is that I enjoy doing them.

I love writing, and I love studying psychology.

Every single day, I wake up and look forward to what is coming.

I am in full control of what I do.

I am the captain of my ship.

Are you?