Confession: I've lost my Medium mojo. I no longer know what I am doing here. Whip out that violin. I feel another bitch sesh coming on. I don't want to write another meta-story.
Yet here I am, caught up in the web. I've been transparent about my writing endeavours, so why stop now?
To be blunt, I'm feeling demoralized, disillusioned, disenchanted, and, ever so slightly, melodramatic. Every second article on my Medium feed is either about earnings or boosting. It's fantastic that writers are doing so well.
I want to be supportive. Truly. I've made a semi-career out of being a writing instructor and encouraging other writers. But the constant gloating is starting to gnaw at The Muse.
Not all of us can write boost-worthy content. My brain isn't wired to write the stories they are after. Typically, boosted stories don't appeal to me, and to be honest, I didn't join Medium to write mainstream articles.
I've always been a rock'n'roll kind of chick rather than easy listening. And there is nothing wrong with either genre. Whatever scratches your itch. Writing for a mainstream audience requires a skill set in its own right. No bashing.
I chased a boost (see the end for the link). Researched like crazy and stripped my voice to be more sanitised. No swearing or any of the usual Tannille-isms.
A small team of editors helped me. We have a winner… If by winning, you mean dead fish on arrival, rejected by Medium. Ego deflated. I would hate to grow a big head anyway.
I'll try anything once. Writers should grab opportunities where they find them. Zero regrets.
The experience reminded me, I can write beyond the sassy. I enjoyed working with editors. But it wasn't worth the days and days of effort without the payoff.
I can write my "stupid" and have fun while writing. If I only make some coins, that's great. Smut, snark, and naughty words make me smile as I type. Comments are fun. It's like a double whipping of joy. Ooo-lah-lah. It's what I'm known for.
Some of my favourite writers on Medium are chasing boosts. I can always tell because their voices are toned down and they sound like everyone else.
It's a shame because I love the edginess they usually bring. No judgment, every writer has to do what's best for them.
Chasing a boost is mind fuckery. Think of it as a competition. Everyone wants to be a winner. Even me. But I acknowledge that I don't fit the mold. I'm ok with that, but the constant bragging about boosted stories and earnings eats away at my defenses. Jeepers. It's like Granny's baby bag book — piss off already.
Again, I am happy for writers… It's just hard because I have low days and have to question what's wrong with my writing. If I took a poll, I bet I'm not alone in my feelings.
On the B-side, some writers will be inspired by the earnings and boost stories. These stories also earn more because everyone wants to know the magic winning formula. I've been there. And to sound like a broken record, I repeat, every writer has to do what's best for them.
So, what's best for me?
Letting go of the almighty boost. I won't become a faded version of myself. Writing guru's talk about marketing and target audiences.
Why am I even debating changing my writing? I've built a small army of followers who have come to expect a̵n̵ ̵O̵̶̵R̵̶̵G̵̶̵A̵̶̵M̵̶̵S̵̶̵M̵̶̵ a smile when they read my shiz. That's been my unofficial promise.
It's authentic and no different from gossiping with close friends and family. Of course, I can write like I have a stick up my bum; I have several useless university degrees, thank you very much.
I could share some deeply personal stories. Medium loves those, but on pondering, I concluded — stories of a personal nature can only be shared and boosted once. Poof, you just played your wild card.
Besides, if I am going to slit open a vein, I will do it 100% Tannille style. You bet I'd say my favourite f-word several times over; the perfect verb, adverb, adjective, and noun. Would anyone expect anything less from me? There goes boostability. Friggin Hell. What am I? Medium's booty call? Don't bother answering that.
From a marketing perspective, I joined Medium with the hope of starting a cult for my fiction. Along the way, I explored other avenues. I've dabbled with personal essays, blog entries (like this glorious crap you're reading), and posted writing tips.
Maybe I should have created a new account for the writing tips instead of cross-pollinating my target audience. Everything has the same "̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶d̶r̶o̶o̶m̶"̶ "see you at the pub" vibe. Is that a niche? Is humour really a niche? Can a style be a niche?
Like Alice, I have lost my way. Of course, The Muse is the Cheshire Cat, "We're all mad here." Medium is certainly a wonderland. Now, I just need to find the caterpillar for a joint to chill the fudge cakes out.
This isn't intended to be a pity party or bashing the choices other writers make. It's more about giving a voice to those of us who feel left behind on Medium while we see others shoot towards the stars.
You're not alone. And there are many writers, shooting stars, who have been boosted once or twice and are struggling to reach those dizzy heights again.
Every one of us can twinkle in our own way. In my mind, I'm a rock star waiting my turn. It might be a while. Does anyone want to hang out backstage for a bit?