Resilience is developed over time and not a given factor in our development unless we focus on it. Once established, it allows us to deal with inevitable obstacles and challenges in life with greater flexibility
Resilience: the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands. American Psychological Association
"OMG! I can't handle any more bad news. When is enough, enough!" This was my outburst one night in my mid 30's. I had been on the receiving end of unsettling and disturbing missives from friends and family for a solid month.
I raced around the house in a futile effort to blow off some energy and instinctively headed for the back yard. "Go ahead," I ranted to the Universe, shaking my fist at the stars, pissed off they refused to stop twinkling.
"Just bring it on! The whole stinking mother load!" I exclaimed as I threw my body down on the ground.
Universe complied. I asked, it answered and threw a few more rattlers my way until I wised up. Time to get working on resilience once again.
Most of us experience phases like this in our lives. We may come to the conclusion life is a bully or what have I done to deserve this? Or point the finger at others.
We fabricate justifications for how we should be exempt from the cruising and bruising life delivers. Regardless of our being angels, demons, or the usual combo of both.
We compare the unjust miseries in our lives to others seemingly free rides to La La Land and start an inner whine. The truth is we have no idea what people are dealing with in their own minds, hearts and lives.
They could be disguising their struggles to save face or appear normal. The conflict could be so deep, it remains subconscious. Failing to rise to the surface due to our resistance. Who me? I just have to call in sick once again due to allergies. Your biggest allergy could be to yourself. And yes, that does exist.
We need skills to navigate life successfully. Developing resilience is a sure fire way to not only survive, but to thrive. So how do we launch in and get started with this vital tool?
First we must realize resilience is required on every level of being — spiritual, mental, physical, emotional and socially as well. We can't tidy up our minds and ignore our hearts. It's a holistic effort, but we can easily become overwhelmed trying to change too much in a short time.
The first step I took when acknowledging my need for resilience was understanding what I could change and what I could not. We can't force change in others or warp reality to suit our fancy.
If we are committed to altering our lives we need to summon courage and begin with ourselves. It helps to have some idea of your true values and character.
Nature has been my lifelong healer. Going outdoors and venting helped release the valve guarding my heart that starry night. I sobbed on the ground, sought comfort in Mother Earth and felt like I had a 5 star therapy session afterward.
Investigate your triggers or ask your brain to take a siesta so your heart can speak its own language, which has nothing to do with words and everything to do with your spirit.
Queasy feeling in your gut? Don't shoo it away out of discomfort. Let it rise and flush through your system. Feelings show up to be recognized. They will recycle and play out in endless forms until we face their shout out.
If feelings are continually rejected they will manifest in our physical bodies, desperate to gain attention. This is self awareness and its a primary building block in gaining resilience.
Physical resilience works side by side with mental self awareness. Our bodies tell our truth. They could care less about mental machinations. They cut to the chase and show us whats really taking place.
Good health provides the luxury of space and time to work on other levels. If we're constantly striving to maintain physical balance, our life force will be consumed.
If you are struggling with health challenges, try dialoguing with your body. Let it know you feel compassion for what it's dealing with and you are doing the best you can. I've been practicing this my entire life and can vouch for the profound difference it makes in inter-being communication.
It's also important to find a physical outlet. We weren't designed to sit all day. I walked into a yoga class when I was 18 and realized I had been given a key to open one of my doors. The word yoga is derived from the Sanskrit word "yuj" which means to join, integrate or harness.
This was a big part of my mission. I was intent on uniting masculine and feminine principles within and forming a "sacred marriage." I went on to teach yoga and still maintain a daily practice. I also discovered encouraging flexibility in our bodies can lead to a more open consciousness as well. This was gold.
Mental resilience requires the willingness to problem solve and dredge up some viable solutions. This is where a therapist can come in handy. We can be so mired in our own muck we can't detect where to start. Can't afford it? Call a crisis line, they're free.
Adaptability is vital to our existence. Graduating from ground floor to penthouse perspective requires a bit of pecking around in our coop and realizing how we keep ourselves under house arrest. Chickens can't fly and gain the Eagle eye view which can boost our confidence.
Perhaps a friend has met and mastered the difficulty you are facing and is willing to help. How can they do this if you don't ask? Maybe it's not as bad as you think and you discover this when sharing.
Emotional resilience is developed by successfully engaging with challenges we prefer to cast out. So called 'negative' emotions such as anger, fear and depression to the point of suicidal ideation, leave us too raw and vulnerable to expose ourselves to others.
If we foster the ability to be honest with caring people we will eventually alter our belief we are alone in dark passages. All of us have trying experiences and a considerable number of us are more than willing to extend hands to lift another up.
They may have 'been there and done that'. We can learn through their trials without having to embark on a full journey into the pits. Once you have taken the first step in embracing an ordeal, your resilience muscles will begin flexing.
They will gain strength and enable you to meet the next resistance with a fresh outlook and your courage will steadily grow. One day you will realize you are flying on your own in free space with that 7 foot wide Eagle wing spread.
Social resilience is easier to acquire once the other building blocks are set in place and actively working. The social web begins to weave its magic once we can pick up our phone and utter the truth. I need help.
Life isn't easy to navigate on our own. We need co-pilots at various stages. Tremendous amounts of strength and fortitude can be gained through one ounce of connection to the right person at the right time.
Not long ago, I shared a walk with a young, homeless woman who was a stranger to me. When I first spotted her, she was sitting on a bench, had rainbow hair, multiple piercings and a forlorn cast to her countenance.
I looked into her eyes, saw pain looking for an exit and gave her a big smile. She ran up behind me as I moved on and asked if she could walk with me for awhile. I readily agreed and we chatted our way along the three mile path until we came to her tent home.
She turned and asked if she could hold my hand for a minute. I gave her both and she teared up as she brought them to her heart. "I can't tell you how much you've helped me. I wanted to end my life this morning but I knew you were my walking angel when you gave me that smile. I can go on now. I will promise you that. You are a godsend."
Our conversation affected me to the point of tears. I was so grateful she had approached me and our combined energies enabled her to move forward. I saw her on the same path a month later.
She ran up to me and reached for my hand once again. "I've been looking for you. I have a home now. I found a shelter for teens. It's clean and safe. They're helping me find a job and I'm back in school. You were my savior!"
"No, dear one" I replied. "I won't take credit for your own good work. You saved yourself and I was more than happy to be there for you. Look at you! You're beaming with confidence and the can do spirit. I admire your resilience in bouncing back to life."
This is only one example of what we humans can offer one another. We build up our resilience to the point it spills over and benfits others. Life may deliver another blow, but next time we manage to stare it in the face and deal a winning hand.
We become steady in our course, moving from ground floor with noisy traffic and limited views to the penthouse of spiritual growth and connection to our own soul.
This evolution takes place one step at a time. Work is involved and a dedication to our well being must be summoned and applied. The rewards of a full life, one lived to our potential, says it all.
Give yourself a thumbs up after meeting challenges. Good work. Well done. Now dear friends, please go forth and share your inner stability and riches with the world. Humanity is sorely in need of your help.