THIS HAPPENED TO ME

Bland-Town-On-Hudson, NY — A small town in upstate New York was awakened at 3:14 a.m. because a young boy wouldn't shut the hell up.

The Words Of A Devil: "Mommy! Daddy! Mommy! Daddy!"

This is the scream that woke the whole town up in the middle of the night. Some have claimed that the kid's soul was possessed by the devil himself.

"There's no way in hell that an eight-year-old could accomplish that much without the devil's assistance," said John, a 55 year-old factory worker.

John, a devout follower of Declining Religion #5678, gathered his local adherents for signing a petition to remove the boy from the quiet town in New York.

"We cannot let the devil live in this town," rehashed John. "We've already let the devil live here once — Donald Trump on vacation — and he possessed everyone with their votes in 2016. We can't let that happen again."

"Well I don't see much difference between the crying eight-year-old and Donald Trump," argued Anne, a 24 year-old store clerk. "But aside from that, why the hell did this kid wake me up at three a.m.?"

When requested for comment, the parents of the crying kid told me to fuck off.

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