If there's one thing I've learned since I pivoted to this kind of content, it's that men AND women have unique problems. And I'll be the first to admit…My most popular article on this subject matter? Was full of good takes and bad takes alike.

The most important thing I've learned from the praise AND criticism is that when it comes to self-help, too many creators pander to only one gender…even the well intentioned ones who think they're helping both. There are problems men — particularly brown men — have that women need to understand.

Before I go into detail? Make no mistake — True incels are a hate group.

But what men and even women need to understand is that not every adult male virgin should be categorized as an incel. Not every male between the ages of 18 and 35 is paying hundreds of dollars to jump into the live chat of the Whatever podcast and repeatedly spam "304".

So many young adult men in that age demographic are being mislabeled as incels. The truth is, so many of the so-called "incels" who are being accused of partaking in the red pill movement…are really just confused and lost. Many of them haven't fallen for the bigotry and the misogyny espoused by those who truly are incels.

Somewhere out there, there is a lonely male virgin sitting alone in his bedroom somewhere. What else does he have going on in his life? Well, nothing more than undiagnosed mental health issues, hobbies he's tried but feels like he sucks at them, and an entire community around him telling him to "toughen up" without realizing that — historically — telling someone to "toughen up" was useful to fixing problems as treating a bullet hole with a band-aid.

But as unhappy as the aforementioned John Doe is at the state of his life, he doesn't wanna follow men his age down the incel rabbit hole. Whenever he feels tempted to think that the self-proclaimed alphas have the answers to his problems, the first thing he's reminded of is that he loves his mother, his sister, his grandmother…and maybe even a local girl about his age who doesn't see him as anything more than a friend.

With no other option, he does the only thing he's told to do: "Toughen up". He interprets that as dragging himself to class, exams, and networking events…even though he always looks, smells, and feels like someone who would be better off anywhere else. The thought that he is the problem is continuously hammered into his head. And the only reason he hasn't attempted suicide? Is because he can't guarantee it'll be quick, painless, and successful.

That's the day-to-day life of so many men between the ages of 18 to 35 to this day. Look it up. Across all races, Men in this age demographic are losing their lives. Overeating, drinking, hard drug use, and most tragically? Suicide.

Calling every male virgin an incel these days is no different than — apologies for lack of a better analogy — calling every brown person a terrorist during the 2000s. Ladies, listen, you have every right to be skeptical if men act a certain way around you nowadays. There are legitimate incels out there who are full of hate and believe they're owed something from women. But the term "incel" can't be used as a broad brush to write off decent, otherwise unlucky men who are desperate to get the right help they need.

Every month should be the cause of collective awareness of our mental health. Especially since there is perhaps no demographic more dismissive towards mental health issues in our community than my fellow South Asians.

Listen, humans are inherently social creatures. Communication is hard-wired into our DNA, which is why we thrive off of validation. But right now? The Indian diaspora is worse at interpreting validation than MAGA evangelicals are at interpreting the Bible.

And what better example than…the Desi community basing our self-worth off of the sweet nothings whispered to us by aunties and uncles every time we get accepted into a good college, graduate from a good college, or end up on the Dean's List at a good college (sidebar: Indians need more to our reputation than the colleges we go to, especially now that DEI is going away). But "log kya kahenge" is our validation. And trying to maintain the self-worth you desperately need in order to survive…off of the not-so-steady supply of conditional external validation? What has that gotten us?

We can brag about having the highest college acceptance rates or the highest median household income, but that's just the best of our best. That's just Indian Americans who survived their family's lack of love. Some Indian Americans aren't so lucky. Statistically, suicide is the leading cause of death among all Asian American communities between the ages of 18 and 35.

So, first of all, if you truly are feeling like you're at a dead end, I can assure you; Change is possible. I know you feel like you've hit a brick wall and fortune-cookie lines are the last thing you want to hear…But trust me when I say patience and faith is what it'll take to heal not only the issue causing your self-image issues. But the same path is what'll essentially…heal your loneliness!

How did I get out the loneliness I once had as an introvert who graduated during quarantine? Well, what gave me hope that change was possible was the fact that my job was making me do the one thing I thought was impossible; Talk with people.

This was my first exposure to a life outside of my comfort zone. This is how I realized step one to longer being a loner is…stepping out of your comfort zone, with faith that you are not a loner.

When I first tried Meetup, I was almost convinced it wouldn't work. But I was pleasantly surprised with how good I was at talking. Maybe the hundreds of Zoom job interviews during COVID had prepared me. But believe me when I say you don't know your own strength. And now, once you know your own strength, step 2 is commit yourself to something in your life that you're grateful for.

If could be your career, your hobby, your family. Because to me, while my job gave me confidence at first, the first thing I was grateful for…was my Marvel Cinematic Universe fan fiction! Believe me when I say, any interest or passion- no matter how small — is worth developing on. In fact, I once went on a date where the girl and I spent the first 15 minutes talking about Marvel. I probably said Peter Parker's name twice before even saying my own!

Step 3: the key to loneliness is not to stop being lonely. Step 3 is that if you have a medical issue causing your mental health problems, you have to want to get help. Whether it's medication or therapy or even just mindfulness…mental illness isn't just a disease, it's a disability. Anything that impedes your ability to have a normal life doesn't just hurt you, it hurts those who love you. And the most masculine thing you can do is make life easier for others.

And lastly, getting self-compassion, gratitude, and help? Is made better by a commitment to constant improvement. To paraphrase, Charlie Munger said it best; the most successful people aren't the smartest or even the most hardworking…they are the learning machines.

Whether it's at your job or with your family, you have to be willing to constantly become a better asset. Why because when life inevitably twists and turns, you'll have the tools you need to make it through.

I'm here today telling you that lonely men around the world — their lives and their voices — are real. On the same token, my message to those men is that the compassion you receive starts with you. And the comfort zone you call the redpill space? You'll never learn what you're capable of until you leave your comfort zone, as cliche as it sounds.

When I was 22, I was a shy boy living at home who would've rather watched YouTube than try dating. And that's why I do what I do! I'm living proof that change is possible, and that's a message I'll always be sharing. I changed my own life, and now all I hope is that I can help you change yours.

I don't have any "high value male" motives. I'm just here to be the change I hope to see in the world. Because what's good for others is what's good for me.

Peace.