We're a society afraid of pain. We're so afraid of pain that we run from anything that reminds us that pain even exists. We avoid feeling anxiety, cold, hunger, rage. When we feel these things, we distract ourselves as quickly as possible. We believe we are entitled to feel only comfort, appeasement, joy.

We are making a huge mistake.

Those of us who have experienced trauma can easily spend our entire lives in despair or outrage. We take to social media to complain about the hugely unfair route our lives have taken. "Why me?" we scream. We don't understand why events like rape, major car accidents, disability, divorce, domestic violence, or other forms of violence have interrupted our lives. We look to spirituality, psychology, astrology, or anything else that seems likely to provide answers. Usually, we don't find any.

What we don't do is listen to our own minds and bodies.

I do not personally believe that there is any profound spiritual reason why pain happens to one person and not to another. I believe that old Biblical verse that says you will never be beset by more of a burden of pain than you can carry is blatantly bullshit. People die of their suffering all the time.

What I do believe is that what Judith Herman proposed in Trauma and Recovery (1992) still holds true today: we hold the ability to heal from trauma inside our own minds. Our therapists cannot do it for us. Our shamans or rabbis or priests cannot do it for us. Only our minds can.

The triggers that we spend so much time lamenting to friends, to Facebook groups, to Medium essays and memoirs, are actually here to help.

They are our angels, and we have misjudged them.

These triggers that we have bullied mercilessly are our brain's attempts to heal itself. Yes, they are deeply unpleasant, in the sense that they require a return to the moment when the trauma first happened. Yes, they often come at moments that seem inconvenient, in the sense that we have not planned to dig up old memories at specifically that moment. However, our triggers come when they do because we feel safe, cared for, and comfortable. They emerge when our bodies know we can remember and integrate the trauma without harm to ourselves or to anyone around us.

Trust the wisdom of your body. Your body knows what it is doing.

We demonize our triggers at our own peril. What is the alternative to healing? If we choose to walk around unhealed forever, we become the source of our own pain — and we must take responsibility for this choice.

I have spent much of my life running away from my pain. My trauma scares me and I have not wanted to face it. I am aware what this has cost me. I have treated myself like someone incapable of healing, and that has caused me no end of suffering.

Please. Learn from my mistake.

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