Sleeping underneath a sky full of stars is just a booming dream yet to be fulfilled.

Being a doctor,And currently doing Residency feels so heavy.Life is in complete mess.I am not a writer but may be aspring to be one.There is this craving inside my heart to have peaceful life where i get some time for eating,working out,sleep and some time to refresh my mind and follow my hobbies.

But being a doctor,if i take out time in all these activities i may not be able to perform my duty well because if i don't dedicate myself in gaining as much as knowledge i can,my lack of knowledge can lead to suffering of my patient.

But what about my urge to fix my life,to fix my mental chaos.From childhood i always wanted to become a doctor because i thought i m brainy enough to be a doctor.I studied day in and out to be a doctor.I sacrificied my social life,my dream of living life and i completely dedicated myself to becoming a doctor.

Now finally when i am a Doctor,And managing 24-36 hrs shift i am having that feeling of betraying my older self to whom i promised that u please study now,stay focussed once u become a doctor u ll get time to live your life.U became a doctor,u Completed your MBBS u strived hard for competitive exam u underwent immense stress and grabbed a good seat in Top medical branch But what Now?

Still i m struggling Mentally.Bcz i cant tell my older self that yeah good work now u can relax a bit and u can live life finally we made it !!!

It's just a long marathon of never ending education but i forgot to live life in small lapses of rest thinking that just few more steps and my finish line is here.But,reality is completely different.I have so much grief for my younger self who sacrificed everything,who sat in one corner of room and stuffed her head in books reading day in and out still she does not get to live life even a bit.

I am 27 now,dream of getting a good body,travelling the world,building good bonds seem like a dream only which does not seem achievable bcz i m clinged to my residency life where i hardly have life outside the hospital.

Yes i heal people,i save lives but i hold appology to my younger self sorry i did not give u life to live for yourself too…

I don't know what life holds for me ahead but just trying to fulfill one dream may be by writing my heart out it might reach to someone who might feel same like me in his/her life.May be i could fulfill my dream of becoming a good writer one fine day….

until then,Duties and duties….