MUSIC

I grew up with three best friends: my sketchbook, my journal, and music. I've felt like an outsider my entire life; consistently misunderstood. Those outlets are where I've continually found solace and validation.

They're the only entities that have always been eager to listen to what I have to say and have never once judged me. They're also the only ones that are always by my side, wherever I go and whatever changes life throws at me.

Drawing was how I expressed what was going on inside. Writing was how I tried to make sense of it.

Music was how I coped.

While I eventually grew out of my shell, I still turn to those modes of expression to get in touch with my feelings and understand myself better.

Thing is, there are some aspects of my emotional experience that I've long struggled to comprehend. No matter how much I write about them, I haven't been able to make sense of them. Perhaps I have not yet acquired the emotional vocabulary sufficient to express the feelings associated with those experiences.

In an endeavor to develop that, I'm writing about things that made me feel something. And if there's one thing that has always helped me feel, it's music.

Connection is always special

In every chapter of life, I've discovered a song or two that resonated with me deeply and intuitively within the first few seconds of hearing it. I call that "love at first listen."

It is rare but consistent enough to notice the trend. Although there have been a couple of dozen occurrences now, the sensation is just as amazing each time.

That probably sounds paradoxical. If it's happened several times, doesn't that cheapen the experience?

Let me answer that question with another question…

When you meet someone in real life who you connect with deeply and personally, do you discount that simply because it's happened before with someone else?

Absolutely not, because every connection is unique. Each person connects to different parts of you. The same is the case for music.

This is why we have a handful of favorite bands. This is why we create playlists and have certain go-to albums in our rotation. It's because the sum of all of them helps us express ourselves the most fully.

For me, these particular songs weren't just background noise or the soundtrack of a chapter of life. Some are tied to memories of key characters in my life story. But several were significant for expressing something deep inside that I myself had never been able to communicate or articulate. And I could hear it, I could feel it, within just a few notes.

I am constantly evolving, and new iterations of myself require new music to identify with. So no matter how many times it happens, that experience of immediately feeling "seen" by a new song or artist is always incredibly special.

So what did I feel, and why did I feel it so strongly?

What was it about that particular combination of instruments, with that melody and those chords, sung by those voices, and saying those words? What about it felt like magic and unlocked a new layer of my soul?

How about the songs tied to significant memories? What was so powerful about those moments with those people?

I'm exploring every complex emotion behind what made these musical experiences so profound and impactful for me.

I'd be delighted for you to follow along. I'll share the context of my listening experience, the link to the song, and then detail how and why it affected me so deeply. Every week, I'll share one of my nine most pivotal tunes. I'm saving them all in this list.

The only rule is that you must listen to the song at the point in the story when I link to it. You don't have to become intimate with its nuances, but you should hear it after being given the context with which I first listened. That way, there's a better chance you'll understand why those songs struck me the way they did.

This project is not about what the songs actually mean. It's about what they mean to me. These tracks are my unique musical fingerprint, but everyone can relate to that rare and intimate phenomenon of sensing that a complete stranger singing in a recording somehow knows exactly what you're feeling.

Music is a time machine, taking you back to moments you'd forgotten about. It's an AED, resuscitating you when everything in your world has gone dark. It's a megaphone, shouting the sentiments you wish you could actually say but can't seem to muster the strength for.

Music fills the gaps where every single language falls pitifully short.

It expresses things we cannot say with words alone. That's precisely why we need it. It gives a shape, a voice, a tone, and a body language to the silent memories and invisible emotions we all hold inside. Music is what brings them all to life.

Love at First Listen will take you on a journey, and you don't even have to go anywhere. All you need is a pair of headphones and an open mind. (You might also want to keep a box of tissues handy.)

I don't expect you to see the same beauty I see in each of these songs, but by the time I'm done with my writing, you should be able to feel what I felt. It is not my intention to make you cry—but if you do, I'll consider it a compliment because that will mean my words enabled you to feel something, too.

Janna Barrett is a flight attendant, writer, and lettering artist based in Washington, D.C. She creates to explore her passions for people, place, and emotional expression. See her artwork here. 🍌