The Distant Past

Reading back over my school reports from the 1970s, I realize what an irritating child I must have been. My form tutor wrote, 'Kelvin makes a formidable din most of the time and does not know when to be quiet'. My math teacher wrote, 'If Kelvin had more gumption and stopped complaining whenever he is presented with a new problem, he might actually get somewhere.'

My physics teacher was surprised, given my 'basic lack of intelligence,' that I had been placed in her class, but the best comment of all came from my needlework teacher who wrote, 'Kelvin is making steady progress, but unfortunately in the wrong direction.

I salute the teachers who wrote these reports. It must have been so cathartic to have been able to tell parents, in plain language, exactly how little sods like me behaved in their classes.

My parents, who were never very good at reading between the lines, certainly had no trouble understanding the comments. I had to go without my bike for a whole month as punishment because my third year report was so unequivocally bad. It wasn't too much of a loss though, given I couldn't have ridden it with any degree of comfort.

The More Recent Past

Remarkably, given my poor experiences at school, fifteen years after leaving, I became a teacher myself. The first thing I noticed walking back into a classroom in the mid nineties, was how things had changed.

Teachers were kinder, there was more respect for pupils, more humor and less austerity. You still met the occasional 'traditional' teacher, but they were struggling to cope in the new regime.

Halfway through my first term, a teacher chose to resign rather than apologize to a boy for humiliating him for having incorrect shoes. The boy clearly came from a disadvantaged background and in order to conform to the school requirement for black footwear had made a pretty good attempt to color in the white part of his shoes with a black marker pen. Gradually, teachers who bullied and humiliated were being eased out of the system.

New ideas were being eased in. Report writing was one area that underwent massive transformation. The days of writing reports like those I received as a child had long gone. The new system was all about positive reinforcement with a focus on progress and achievement.

The Present

Over the years, reports have become increasingly more edifying. Here are some of the typical report writing guidelines teachers will be given today:

• Reports must be couched in positive language.
• Focus on learning — do not comment on behavior.
• Be sensitive to the self-esteem and general well-being of students.
• Do not make a negative comment, instead rephrase it using the positive continuum.

To understand what this means, I have rewritten the reports I received as a child in the new style.

Kelvin makes a formidable din most of the time and does not know when to be quiet becomes 'Kelvin is an enthusiastic and lively student'.

If Kelvin had more gumption and stopped complaining whenever he is presented with a new problem changes to 'Kelvin is beginning to adopt a positive attitude to equation solving and will soon find success.'

My physics teacher's comment that I lacked the intelligence required to be in her class, becomes 'Kelvin is making an admirable attempt to cope with the stringent demands of this subject' and the comment that I was making steady progress, but unfortunately in the wrong direction changes to 'Kelvin is beginning to understand the concepts required for success in this subject.'

There is no doubt that the modern school report is a kinder, more uplifting document than the one presented to parents fifty years ago. It is also more sophisticated and subtle. The problem, of course, is that parents do not always understand it.

My poor parents, would never have been able to read between the lines and infer what teachers were implying about my behavior from a modern report. They would read 'an admirable attempt to cope with the stringent demands of this subject' as something to celebrate rather than worry about. My 'lively and enthusiastic' behavior might have have resulted in me gaining a new bike, rather than losing one.

As a parent, the report phrase to be particularly wary of is 'beginning to'. Teachers cannot write negatives like 'bad' or 'failing', so they must find a positive phrase at the lower end of the 'positive continuum'. The phase 'beginning to' is about as low as you can get on this positive scale. If your little Mickey is 'beginning to pay more attention in class,' rest assured that he is paying no attention whatsoever.

I have even seen teachers write 'starting to begin to' in order to suggest that the student is as far back on their learning journey as it is possible to get. If you ever read this on your child's report, be very worried.

The old school reports are more brutal, but more honest than those of today. Modern reports appear to be more positive, but they do not always mean what parents think they mean.

Teachers also write reports like this in order to protect themselves. No teacher is going to write 'Johnny is a lazy little so and so' because they haven't got time to deal with the parental shitstorm that would follow. Instead they will write 'Johnny is beginning to develop motivation'. The second phrase is far less abrasive and unlikely to result in the parents ringing the school demanding an explanation.

Teachers also do not get the time to write detailed personal reports. I am in admiration of my own teachers, back in the 1970s, who produced beautiful hand written comments. I do not know how they managed it. I guess they had no choice but suck it up. You can understand the vitriol in some of these reports when you realize they were probably written by a teacher who had been working until 2am every day that week.

Technology makes the process so much easier today and allows the opportunity for shortcuts. A lot of copying and pasting goes on. Whole sections from curriculum documents can be inserted into the report and prefixed with your child's name and a phrase such as 'is making progress in…' Such behavior is encouraged and teachers have access to a whole bank of report comments via report writing software.

As a parent, you may well have received a report referring to your little Sally as little Freddie. This wasn't a mental aberration on the part of the teacher, it was simply Freddie's report comment being copied over without the name change. I am sure there will be teachers going a step further and getting Chat GBT to do the whole set of class reports for them. It would be remarkably easy to do.

The Future

As school reports become increasingly ambiguous and less personal, it does make you wonder if they even serve a purpose anymore. Most parents still read them, but given the bland nature of the comments, few parents find them meaningful. It is a lot of work for little benefit.

Like many aspects of education today, reports are just a relic from the Victorian era. With email, parent portals and learning management systems there are far easier and efficient ways for teachers and parents to communicate.

Perhaps one day there will come a time when the traditional school report will go the way of the fountain pen and the standardized text book. Until then, I guess teachers, parents, and students will continue to play the game and make steady progress in the wrong direction.