Brain Disorder Art
"Welcome" to the latest edition of The Shaky Pen! We just finished the Gag Line contest with the fifth edition of The Shaky Pen and now The Shaky Pen 6 is here.
So, let us get back to a new batch of abstract cartoons. This is the Black & White series —Because Black & White Cartoon Lives Matter Too.
I think these cartoons would make a great adult coloring book. I'm thinking of a book and colored pencils as a set.
Any feedback from my followers would be appreciated.
All drawings are by the author.
Let's open up the first cage and see what's in it.
Cage One
I should have known something was up when I first went to see my plastic surgeon about breast implants.
I was wearing sandals that day and all my toes were painted different colors. They were gorgeous!
That sick fuck of a doctor couldn't take his eyes off my feet the entire time I sat there. "My eyes are up here asshole!" is what I kept thinking. He asked me how big I wanted my boobs and what my shoe size was.
"My shoe size? Why do you need my shoe size?" I asked. He said that the ratio has to be just right so I don't fall over when trying to walk.
Good answer — at least I thought!
As I was waking up after the implant surgery, a strange but common scent emerged. The smell of toe jam came wafting up from under my sheets. I was ready to castrate my doctor and shove his balls down his throat.
Oddly enough, I have been getting a lot more dates with toe-titties than I ever did with my basic boobies. Men really are sick pigs.
Cage Two
Thank God for YouTube! Everything important and unimportant can be learned on YouTube. I even learned how to use YouTube using YouTube.
I wish I would have had YouTube when I was a teenager. It's not like you need YouTube to learn how to masturbate, that is a built-in skill of all adolescent lads. How to rebuild a carburetor on your girlfriend's Chevy, on the other hand, is priceless.
From my honeymoon night to growing weed, you have always been there for me. Thank you, YouTube — you are my highest guru — you are my Merlin.
Cage Three
We all have monsters running around inside our heads. Some are more severe than others. Some are less visible than others. Some are never spoken of at all, even inside the mind of the person housing the beast.
The problem with my monster's self-portrait is — it doesn't look too much different than me.
Fine! He has a full head of hair, fuck off!
Cage Four
Drinking alcohol has stages of inebriation. The first phase is a simple and pleasant buzz. Next is the silly phase where everything is funny even if it wasn't meant to be.
The final phase, before passing out and right after puking is — The Too Drunk to Fuck phase.
In this phase, you will be saying goodbye to friends while lying on your back as the dog licks vomit from your lips. Hopefully, before you try to screw the poor hound, you fall unconscious.
Passing out also avoids an ugly explanation and an embarrassing apology in the morning.
Cage Five
There is a branch of science known as Observational study. Usually, these men and women are equipped with nothing more than a notebook and a pen.
We see changes from year to year, but we never document the differences because we never see a reason to. Yet, others have kept a record and what they have found is frightening.
Rachel Carson, the author of The Silent Spring, shook the environmental community back in 1967 with her book's release.
It spoke of how our actions affect our planet more than we realize. She observed wildlife numbers dwindling unusually fast due to insecticides and changing climate.
It was on the New York Times best-seller list for weeks. She was revered by her peers and the world was now on notice because we were destroying our home.
Remember, this was 1967!
Unfortunately, every environmentalist that ever read her incredible book is now dead. So, before we send this planet into a fucking meltdown, can more people read her book?
Sorry, it doesn't have a centerfold!
Cage Six
"Whatever you want dear!" is the most off-putting, deplorable, nauseating, and demeaning phrase another person can say to their lover.
If you disagree with your sweetie and you feel a hefty yank on your scrotum, you're fucked.
At the first chance RUN!
Remember, the next time you're taking numbers for a new lover, look for a partner in a relationship, not a manager.
Peace, Love, and Unconditional Happiness!
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