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Imagine you're over 400 pounds, unemployed, divorced and depressed.

Tom Hartman was all that. Plus low on confidence and hope.

That's when his brother coaxed him to attend a motivational conference by Zig Ziglar.

Reluctantly Tom agrees.

After they arrive at the motivational conference, Tom is visibly uncomfortable there — seeing people so excited and jumping looking at Zig Ziglar on the stage. Ziglar is cheering them on, ra-rahing.

Initially Tom is resistant to what's being taught and feels restless.

But 90 minutes in, Zig Ziglar is talking about self-image — especially how people see themselves in a powerless way.

How they're holding on to a old negative story about themselves — and how that story translates to how they perform in the world.

How you see youself is how you act.

Zig Ziglar spoke how it's important to see yourself from a place you hope you were in. And not from a situation where you think you are — stuck, desperate or helpless.

Tom felt a lot of his shells broken down in those first 90 minutes.

After the first session, he asked his brother if they could go and buy some tapes at the back.

His brother was happy seeing Tom's change and got him all the tapes.

Tom went home and listened to those tapes for five hours that day — and seven hours the next day. And he went over them again and again on repeat.

Those tapes, he says were basically rewiring his belief system.

Remember: Your imput shapes your output. And your output shapes your behavior.

Tom started experiencing a new bold side of himself, and his performance peaked.

A week after the conference he bought 2 fitted suits — not for his present self. They were many sizes small. He even put a $700 downpayment on it.

The suit store sales person could barely control his smile when he learned that the expensive suits were for Tom's future self.

Here was a Tom investing in his future identity.

You can choose to tell people a story about your future or whine to people about your past.

Here's the science behind it and why its important to spend money on your goals.

Benjamin Hardy, renowned author and Ted speaker once wanted to figure out what the key differenciator between wannabe entrepreneurs and actual successful enterpreneurs was?

In his PhD research asked this question to both wanna be entrepreneurs and successful entrepreneurs.

"Have you ever had a point of no-return experience?"

A lot of wanna-be entrepreneurs said "No. Some of them hinted they'd like to have that experience one day

However, almost all enterpreneurs said "Yes" — even successful authors, and successful professionals in all levels.

What caused them to have that point of no-return moment?

Turns out — A majority of successful people had made a huge financial investment in the goal they were pursuing.

That, just that caused a huge mental shift to happen.

Hardy quotes an example of a 17 year old enterpreneur. He and his highschool friend-both seniors in high school put togther their savings and invested $10,000 in a huge shipment of shoes. Because they wanted to sell shoes.

The 17 year old said — when they first spent that money — that was his first face to face with a point of no return.

And second when a huge truck came and offloaded a huge mountain of shoes in fromt of his home — he realized he couldn't go back now. The shoes filled his entire garage.

That changed his mindset. That's when he realized he had to just step up and play the game.

There was no way he could send back the shoes shipment.

As Oliver Wendell Holmes famously said:

"A mind stretched by a new experience can never go back to its former dimensions."

He decided to just own it like a leader and take action — an identity shift.

The Grocery Store Moment That Sealed Tom's Identity

One day, a four-year-old girl pointed at Tom at an aisle in a grocery store and said:

"Mom, look — there's a fat man."

Tom looked around, but there was no one except him there. He realized.

That girl actually meant him.

And suddenly… he laughed and laughed and laughed.

Suddenly, a tear came into his eye.

In that moment, Tom realized what he was doing to himself. That was another point of no-return experience for him. He had to change.

He no longer identified as an overweight person. and decided he will not be obese.

Eighteen months later Tom had

• lost 175 pounds
• build a successful business
• completely transformed his life

Not because of fad diets. But because identity changed first.

How you do anything is how you do everything.

The reason why short term goals wont take you far

A 30 day diet or a reading or writing routine? — is a fad. Because after that period of time you mostly circle back to your old identity.

If you want a permanent result, you need to make a permanent change in your identity.

When you shift your identity first, then your behavior is aligned to your goals that is in line with your identity. Else there'll be a conflict. It won't work.

Tom cites an example of Elko, an enterpreneur based in Amsterdam. He was 38 and had strugled with weight issues all his life.

His internal belief his mom had rooted in him was this — we are people who are always going to struggle with weight and with food. So he lived with that belief and thought he will somehow half-ass towards eating better.

But his bad eating habits led to him having bad sleep. One such night as he was tossing and turning he got a thought about what if he started to eat healthy for a year? Or for a life time?

He had vision of himself at 90. He, in his fittest self, healthy, happy, surrounded by his wife, kids, and grandkids. That moment was where he experienced an identity shift.

That vision shwed him a glimse of what was possible. So he just committed to it.

Elko lives by a mantra from Clayton Christensen, a Harvard busiess professor:

"100% commitment is easier than 98% commitment."

Science and psychology backs this.

Because if you're 98% committed, every temptation becomes a mental tug-of-war — decision fatigue sets in.

• Just this once?
• Maybe tomorrow?
• I'll start again Monday.

Everytime it comes down to your will power. That exhaustion isn't lack of discipline. It's lack of decision.

And often the situation wins. In social psychology, it's often said that people are the by-product of their situation. And it happens because people are undecided about what their identity is and the situation takes over.

As simple as that.

Maybe it's time to start making decisions for ourselves to reduce decision fatigue?

Or follow Michael Jordan's advice?

"Once I made a decision, I never thought about it again."

Making a decison and sticking to it takes cutting off alternate options.

Doing things for a month or even an year is easier. Because you have left the door open to your past self — your old comfort zone?

But… what if? What if you closed that door? forever?

Most people think they may change a bit by bit by small habits. Most likely people fall back.

When you've decided, there no need for the mental tug of war.

A decision negates decison fatigue.

Will power alone isnt enough. Decison beats will power.

If you've decided to wake up at 6 am, you don't hit the nsooze button. Only if you're undecided you hit the snooze button.

Psychologists estimate we have ~50,000 thoughts a day and 40,000 are about food or any addiction we crave for.

But identity shift can reverse that. All of a sudden you can feel more confident, more courageous.

Confidence Is Built After Action — Not Before

In the end of the TedTalk, Hardy shares a powerful insight about confidence.

Confidence is the byproduct of prior performance.

Once you start acting confidently, powerfully, then you develop confidence.

Confidence allows you to see a bigger future, allows you to believe in yourself and allows you to be courageous.

You don't wait to feel confident. You act aligned first.

Your turn

What are the things you've been potentially resisting?

What have you been thinking about doing? or something that's weighing on your mind for too long?

What are you fighting? May be it's to quit an addiction for 30 days or an year but you havent had that shift, yet.

Remember: It all starts with financial investment in your dreams, shifting your story and shifting your identity.

You can't do it with will power alone. But you have to do it through who you're going to be.

This article is a breakdown of the below TedTalk.

P.S: Want to write everyday but can't? This can help.